Ukuncintisana kwabesifazane kuyindikimba evamile ezincwadini nasesinema. Bathi ngabo: "abangane abafungelwe." Futhi uzungu nokuhleba emaqenjini abesifazane kubhekwa njengento evamile. Uyini umsuka wokungezwani? Kungani abesifazane beqhudelana nalabo abangabangane nabo?
“Ubungane bangempela besifazane, ubumbano kanye nemizwa yodadewenu ikhona. Kodwa kwenzeka ngenye indlela. Thina nendlela yethu yokuphila ayithandwa inqwaba yabesifazane abaseduze ngoba nathi “sivela eVenus,” kusho isazi sezocansi kanye nochwepheshe kwezobudlelwano u-Nikki Goldstein.
Ubala izizathu ezintathu ezenza abesifazane bavame ukungabi namusa kubo komunye nomunye:
umona;
umuzwa wokuba sengozini;
ukuncintisana.
“Ubutha phakathi kwamantombazane buqala kakade emabangeni aphansi esikoleni, kusho uJoyce Benenson, isazi sokuziphendukela kwemvelo eYunivesithi yaseHarvard. “Uma abafana bephumela obala behlasela labo abangabathandi, amantombazane akhombisa ubutha obuphezulu, obuvezwa ngobuqili nobuqili.”
I-stereotype ethi "intombazane enhle" ayibavumeli abesifazane abancane ukuba baveze ulaka obala, futhi luyamboza. Esikhathini esizayo, le ndlela yokuziphatha idluliselwa ekubeni umuntu omdala.
UJoyce Benenson ucwaninge1 futhi waphetha ngokuthi abesifazane benza kangcono kakhulu ngababili kunamaqembu. Ikakhulukazi uma ukulingana kungahlonishwa ekugcineni futhi kuvela isigaba esithile sabaphathi. “Abesifazane kudingeka banakekele izidingo zezingane zabo nabazali asebekhulile kukho konke ukuphila kwabo,” kusho uJoyce Beneson. Uma umndeni, umngane womshado, abangane “abalinganayo” bebhekwa njengabasizi kule ndaba enzima, khona-ke abesifazane babona usongo oluqondile kubantu besifazane abangabazi.
Ngaphezu kwalabo abafuna umsebenzi, umphakathi wabesifazane nawo awuvuni amalungu obulili obufanayo akhululekile futhi akhangayo ngokocansi.
NgokukaNikki Goldstein, iningi labesifazane alithambekele ekwesekeni ozakwabo besifazane abaphumelelayo emsebenzini ngenxa yokuba sengcupheni ephezulu nokuncika emphakathini. Imizwa eminingi kanye nokukhathazeka ngokwemvelo, bavame ukuziqhathanisa nabanye futhi baveze ukwesaba kwabo ukwehluleka kochwepheshe kubo.
Ngendlela efanayo, ukunganeliseki ngendlela umuntu abukeka ngayo kwenza umuntu afune amaphutha kwabanye. Ngaphezu kwalabo abafuna umsebenzi, umphakathi wabesifazane nawo awuvuni amalungu obulili obufanayo akhululekile futhi akhangayo ngokocansi.
“Ngempela ubulili buvame ukusetshenziswa abanye besifazane njengethuluzi lokuxazulula izinkinga ezihlukahlukene,” kusho uNikki Goldstein. – Isiko elidumile linomthelela esithombeni sobuhle obungakhathali, obahlulelwa kuphela ngokubukeka. Lezi zinkolelo-ze zikhungathekisa abesifazane abafuna ukwaziswa ngokuhlakanipha kwabo.”
Isazi sezocansi uZhana Vrangelova weNational Institute for Development and Research eNew York senza ucwaningo ngo-2013 olwabonisa ukuthi abafundi besifazane bayakugwema ubungane nabafunda nabo abavame ukushintsha abalingani.2. Ngokungafani nabafundi, inani labalingani babo bocansi abangani babo abanalo alibalulekile kangako.
“Kodwa ubutha phakathi kwabesifazane bufinyelela ezingeni eliphezulu uma benezingane, kusho uNikki Goldstein. Ingabe ingane kufanele ivunyelwe ukuba ikhale? Ingabe amanabukeni ayingozi? Iminyaka emingaki ingane kufanele iqale ukuhamba nokukhuluma? Zonke lezi yizihloko eziyintandokazi zezingxabano emiphakathini yabesifazane nasezinkundleni zokudlala. Lobu budlelwano buyaqeda amandla. Kuyohlale kukhona omunye umama ozogxeka izindlela zakho zokukhulisa izingane.
Ukuze kuqedwe ukungabi nandaba, u-Nikki Goldstein weluleka abesifazane ukuba badumise kaningi futhi bangesabi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile mayelana nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo.
“Ngezinye izikhathi kubalulekile ukuvuma izintombi zakho: “Yebo, angiphelele. Ngingowesifazane ojwayelekile. Ngifana nawe." Khona-ke umona ungase uthathelwe indawo uzwela nobubele.”
1 J. Benenson "Ukuthuthukiswa kokuncintisana kwabantu besifazane: Abalingani nabaphikisi", Ukuthengiselana Kwefilosofi ye-Royal Society, B, Okthoba 2013.
2 Z. Vrangalova et al. “Izinyoni zophaphe? Hhayi uma kuziwa ekuvumeleni ngokocansi», Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2013, №31.