Kungani silufuna kabi kangaka uthando kodwa singalutholi?

Kungase kubonakale sengathi sinalo lonke ithuba lokuthola labo abanesithakazelo kithi: izingosi zokuphola, izinkundla zokuxhumana kanye nezicelo zeselula zilungele ukunikeza noma ubani ithuba futhi uthembise ukuthola ngokushesha umlingani kukho konke ukunambitheka. Kodwa sisakuthola kunzima ukuthola uthando lwethu, ukuxhuma nokuhlala ndawonye.

inani eliphakeme kakhulu

Uma kufanele kukholwe izazi zezokuhlalisana kwabantu, ukukhathazeka esicabanga ngakho ngothando olukhulu kufaneleke ngokuphelele. Awukaze ngaphambili umuzwa wothando unikezwe ukubaluleka okungaka. Ilele esisekelweni sobudlelwane bethu bomphakathi, igcina kakhulu umphakathi: emva kwakho konke, uthando oludala futhi lucekele phansi imibhangqwana, ngakho-ke imindeni kanye nemindeni yemindeni.

Kuhlale kunemiphumela emibi. Ngamunye wethu unomuzwa wokuthi ikusasa lethu liyonqunywa izinga lobuhlobo bothando okufanele sibuphile. “Ngidinga ukuhlangana nendoda ezongithanda nengizoyithanda ukuze ngihlale nayo futhi ekugcineni ngibe ngumama,” kuxabana laba abaneminyaka engu-35. “Futhi uma ngiphelelwa uthando naye, ngizohlukana,” abaningi balabo asebevele behlala kumbhangqwana bajahile ukucacisa ...

Izinga lokho esikulindele mayelana nobudlelwano bothando lenyukile. Njengoba sibhekene nezidingo ezikhuphukayo ezenziwa ngophathina abangaba khona, abaningi bethu bazizwa “bengafanele” futhi abawatholi amandla okunquma ngobudlelwano. Futhi ukuyekethisa okungagwemeki ebudlelwaneni babantu ababili abanothando kudidanisa ama-maximalist avumelana kuphela ngothando olufanele.

Intsha nayo ayizange ikubaleke ukukhathazeka okuvamile. Yiqiniso, ukuvula uthando kule minyaka kuyingozi: kunamathuba amaningi okuthi ngeke sithandeke ngokubuyisela, futhi intsha isengozini kakhulu futhi isengozini. Kodwa namuhla, ukwesaba kwabo kuye kwadlondlobala izikhathi eziningi. “Bafuna uthando lothando, njengasemidlalweni ye-TV,” kuphawula isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPatrice Huer, “futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo bazilungiselela ubuhlobo bobulili ngosizo lwamafilimu ocansi.”

Ukungqubuzana kwesithakazelo

Ukungqubuzana kwalolu hlobo kusivimbela ekuzinikeleni emifuleni yothando. Siphupha ngokuzimela futhi sibophe ifindo nomunye umuntu ngesikhathi esisodwa, sihlala ndawonye futhi «sizihambela». Sinamathisela inani eliphakeme kakhulu kumbhangqwana kanye nomndeni, sikubheke njengomthombo wamandla nokulondeka, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo sikhazimulise inkululeko yomuntu siqu.

Sifuna ukuphila indaba yothando emangalisayo, eyingqayizivele kuyilapho siqhubeka sigxila kithina nasekuthuthukisweni kwethu siqu. Okwamanje, uma sifuna ukuphatha impilo yethu yothando ngokuzethemba njengoba sijwayele ukuhlela nokwakha umsebenzi, khona-ke ukuzikhohlwa, isifiso sokunikezela emizweni yethu nokunye ukunyakaza okungokomoya okwakha ingqikithi yothando kuyoba ngaphansi nakanjani. ukusola kwethu.

Ngakho-ke, singathanda kakhulu ukuzwa ukudakwa kothando, okusele, ngamunye ngokwengxenye yethu, sigxile ngokuphelele ekwakheni amasu ethu omphakathi, ochwepheshe kanye nezezimali. Kodwa kanjani ukutshuza ngekhanda echibini lothando, uma ukuqapha okungaka, isiyalo nokulawula kuyadingeka kithi kwezinye izindawo? Ngenxa yalokho, asesabi nje kuphela ukutshala izimali ezingenanzuzo kumbhangqwana, kodwa futhi silindele izinzuzo ezivela enhlanganweni yothando.

Ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa nguwe

"Esikhathini sethu, kunanini ngaphambili, uthando luyadingeka ekuzaziseni, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo akunakwenzeka ngokunembile ngoba ebuhlotsheni bothando asibheki omunye, kodwa ukuzazi," kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Umberto Galimberti.

Lapho sijwayela ukubeka phambili ukwaneliseka kwezidingo zethu, kuba nzima kakhulu ukuba sinikeze. Ngakho-ke siqondisa ngokuziqhenya amahlombe ethu futhi simemezele ukuthi ubuntu bethu, "I" yethu iyigugu ngaphezu kothando nomndeni. Uma kufanele sidele okuthile, sizodela uthando. Kodwa asizalwa thina ngokwethu emhlabeni, siba yibona. Umhlangano ngamunye, umcimbi ngamunye ulolonga umuzwa wethu oyingqayizivele. Lapho umcimbi ukhanya, umkhondo waso ujula. Futhi ngalo mqondo, kuncane okungaqhathaniswa nothando.

“Uthando luwukuphazamiseka komuntu siqu, ngoba omunye umuntu weqa indlela yethu,” kuphendula u-Umberto Galimberti. - Ngengozi yethu nangengozi, uyakwazi ukuphula ukuzimela kwethu, aguqule ubuntu bethu, acekele phansi zonke izindlela zokuzivikela. Kodwa uma bezingekho lezi zinguquko ezingihlukumezayo, ezingilimazayo, ezingifaka engozini, ngingavumela kanjani omunye ukuba adlule endleleni yami - yena, ngubani yedwa ongangivumela ukuba ngidlulele ngalé kwami?

Ungazilahleki, kodwa dlulela ngalé kwakho. Ukuzihlalela, kodwa esehlukile kakade - esiteji esisha empilweni.

Impi yobulili

Kodwa zonke lezi zinkinga, eziye zanda esikhathini sethu, azinakuqhathaniswa nokukhathazeka okuyisisekelo okuhambisana nokukhanga kwamadoda nabesifazane komunye nomunye kusukela kudala. Lokhu kwesaba kubangelwa ukuncintisana equlekile.

Ukuncintisana kwama-Archaic kusekelwe kuwo kanye umnyombo wothando. Ifihlwe ngokwengxenye namuhla ngokulingana komphakathi, kodwa umbango wakudala usazifakazela, ikakhulukazi emibhangqwaneni enobudlelwano obude. Futhi zonke izingqimba eziningi zempucuko ezilawula izimpilo zethu azikwazi ukufihla ukwesaba komunye nomunye wethu phambi komunye umuntu.

Ekuphileni kwansuku zonke, kubonakala ngokuthi abesifazane bayesaba ukuphinde bathembele, ukuzithoba endodeni, noma ukuhlushwa yicala uma befuna ukuhamba. Abesilisa bona babona ukuthi isimo sezithandani siqala ukungalawuleki, abakwazi ukuqhudelana nezintombi zabo, bagcine bengenzi lutho eduze kwabo.

“Lapho amadoda ayevame ukufihla ukwesaba kwawo ngenxa yokwedelwa, ukunganaki nobudlova, namuhla iningi labo likhetha ukubaleka,” kusho umelaphi womkhaya uCatherine Serrurier. "Lokhu akusho ukuthi kuwushiya umndeni, kodwa kuwukubalekela isimo lapho ungasafuni ukuzibandakanya nobudlelwano, "bashiye"."

Ukuntula ulwazi lomunye njengembangela yokwesaba? Lena indaba endala, hhayi kuphela ku-geopolitics, kodwa nasothandweni. Ukwesaba kwenezela ukungazi lutho komuntu siqu, izifiso ezijulile zomuntu kanye nokungqubuzana kwangaphakathi. Ukuze uthole uthando lwakho, ngezinye izikhathi kwanele ukuyeka isikhundla sokuzivikela, ukuzwa isifiso sokufunda izinto ezintsha nokufunda ukwethembana. Ukwethembana okwenza isisekelo sanoma yimuphi umbhangqwana.

Isiqalo esingalindelekile

Kodwa sazi kanjani ukuthi lowo owasihlanganisa naye uyasifanela? Kungenzeka yini ukubona umuzwa omkhulu? Awekho amaresiphi nemithetho, kodwa kunezindaba ezikhuthazayo ezidingwa kakhulu yilowo nalowo oyofuna uthando.

“Ngahlangana nowayezoba umyeni wami ebhasini,” kukhumbula uLaura, oneminyaka engu-30.— Ngokuvamile ngiba namahloni ukukhuluma nabantu engingabazi, ukuhlala kuma-headphone, ngibheke efasiteleni, noma emsebenzini. Ngamafuphi, ngizakhela udonga olungizungezile. Kodwa wahlala eduze kwami, futhi ngandlela-thile kwenzeka ukuthi sixoxe singaqedi yonke indlela eya endlini.

Ngeke ngikubize ngothando ekuqaleni, kunalokho, kwakukhona umuzwa onamandla wokumiselwa kusengaphambili, kodwa ngendlela enhle. Ingqondo yami yangitshela ukuthi lo muntu uzoba yingxenye ebalulekile yempilo yami, ukuthi uzoba ... yebo, lowo.