Okuqukethwe
Indaba indala njengezwe: muhle, uhlakaniphile, uphumelele, kodwa ngenxa yesizathu esithile uyomisa iminyaka kumuntu, ngawo wonke ama-akhawunti, akafanele ngisho nomunwe wakhe omncane. Idoki elinobugovu, uhlobo lwengane, olushade phakade - udonseka ukunikeza lonke uthando lwakhe kumuntu ongakwazi ubudlelwano obunempilo. Kungani abesifazane abaningi bezimisele ukubekezela, ithemba nokulinda indoda okusobala ukuthi ayibafanele?
Siyatshelwa: aniwona umbhangqwana. Nathi ngokwethu sinomuzwa wokuthi indoda yamaphupho ethu akasiphathi ngendlela efanele. Kodwa asisuki, senza imizamo eyengeziwe yokuwunqoba. Sixhumene, sinamathele ezindlebeni zethu. Kodwa kungani?
1.
Lapho sitshala kakhulu kumuntu, sinamathela kakhulu kuye.
Uma singakutholi ukunakwa nothando esilufunayo ngokushesha, sicabanga ukuthi kusifanele. Sitshala kakhulu ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukukhungatheka kwethu, ubuze, kanye nemizwa yokuzizwa singelutho kuyakhula. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJeremy Nicholson sibize lesi simiso sezindleko ezishisiwe. Uma sinakekela abanye abantu, sibanakekela, sixazulula izinkinga zabo, siqala ukubathanda futhi sibazise kakhulu ngoba sithemba ukuthi uthando olutshaliwe ngeke lubuyele kithi “nenzalo”.
Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuhlakazeka komunye umuntu, kufanelekile ukucabangela: ingabe sibeke ikhawunta yangaphakathi? Ingabe silindele okuthile ngokubuyisela? Uthando lwethu alunamibandela futhi alunamthetho kangakanani? Futhi ingabe siwulungele umhlatshelo onjalo? Uma enhliziyweni yobudlelwane bakho ekuqaleni kungekho uthando, inhlonipho nokuzinikela, ukuzidela ngakolunye uhlangothi ngeke kulethe izithelo ezithandekayo. Okwamanje, ukuncika ngokomzwelo komuphayo kuzokhula kuphela.
2.
Samukela uhlobo lothando olusifanele emehlweni ethu.
Mhlawumbe ebuntwaneni kwakukhona ubaba osivakashele noma ophuza noma ebusheni bethu inhliziyo yethu yayiphukile. Mhlawumbe ngokukhetha isimo esibuhlungu, sidlala umdlalo omdala omayelana nokwaliwa, ukungafezeki kwamaphupho kanye nesizungu. Futhi lapho sihamba isikhathi eside ku-spiral, ukuzethemba kuhlupheka ngokwengeziwe, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukuhlukana nesisusa esivamile, lapho ubuhlungu nobumnandi buhlangene khona.
Kodwa uma siqaphela ukuthi yena, lesi sisusa, sesivele sikhona ekuphileni kwethu, singazenqabela ngokuqaphela ukuba singene ebuhlotsheni obunjalo obukhungathekisayo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho siyekethisa, sibeka isibonelo solunye uthando olungaphumelelanga. Singavuma ukuthi sifanelwe okungaphezu kobudlelwane nomuntu ongashisekeli kakhulu ngathi.
3.
I-chemistry yobuchopho
ULarry Young, umqondisi we-Center for Translational Social Neuroscience e-Emory University, waphetha ngokuthi ukulahlekelwa umngane ngokuhlukana noma ukufa kufana nokuyeka izidakamizwa. Ucwaningo lwakhe lwabonisa ukuthi amagundane avamile abonisa amazinga aphezulu okucindezeleka kwamakhemikhali futhi ayesesimweni sokukhathazeka okukhulu ngemva kokuhlukana nomngane womshado. Igundane labuyela ngokuphindaphindiwe endaweni evamile yombhangqwana, okwaholela ekukhiqizweni kwe-«hormone yokunamathisela» i-oxytocin nokunciphisa ukukhathazeka.
Indlela yokuzivikela yasendulo ingalandelelwa esifisweni sokuqhubeka nokuxhumana nganoma yiziphi izindleko.
U-Larry Young uthi ukuziphatha kwe-vole kufana nokwabantu: amagundane awabuyi ngoba efuna ngempela ukuba nabalingani bawo, kodwa ngoba awakwazi ukubekezelela ukucindezeleka kokuhlukana.
Udokotela wezinzwa ugcizelela ukuthi abantu abaye bahlukunyezwa ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba emshadweni ngokuvamile bayenqaba ukuqeda ubuhlobo, ngokuphambene nomqondo ophusile. Ubuhlungu bodlame abukhulu kakhulu kunobuhlungu bekhefu.
Kodwa kungani abesifazane bevame ukubekezelela ukungaziphathi kahle kwabakhethiwe babo? Ngokuvumelana nemibono ye-evolutionary biology, abesifazane, ngakolunye uhlangothi, bakhetha kakhulu ekukhetheni umlingani. Ukusinda kwenzalo kwakuncike kakhulu ekukhetheni umngane ofanele esikhathini sangaphambi komlando.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngesifiso sokuhlala uthintana esikhathini esizayo nganoma iyiphi indlela, kungalandelelwa indlela yokuzivikela yasendulo. Owesifazane wayengakwazi ukukhulisa ingane yedwa futhi wayedinga ukuba khona okungenani, kodwa owesilisa.
Ngamanye amazwi, kulula ngendoda ukushiya ubuhlobo ngokuphathelene namathemba ayo okuzala esikhathini esizayo. Kwabesifazane, izingozi ziphezulu, kokubili lapho kungena ubudlelwano nalapho buhlukana.
Umthombo: Justmytype.ca.