Kungani zonke izithandwa ezinhle zingakwazi ukwenza umyeni omuhle?

UVeronica oneminyaka engu-32 uthi: “Sahlangana ephathini nabangane, futhi ngaso leso sikhathi sobabili babonakala begubuzelwa igagasi. — Sachitha ubusuku ndawonye. Umhlaba wami unciphe kuye yedwa. Naye wabhekana nakho.

Saqala ukucabanga ngomshado. Kodwa kancane kancane konke okwenzeka phakathi kwethu singekho embhedeni kwaphenduka uchungechunge lwezingxabano nezigcawu zomona.

Ngathatha isinqumo sokuhamba. Ngisakhangwa nguye, izinkumbulo zinhle kabuhlungu, futhi angiqondi ukuthi kungani kungenzeki.” Kungani ukuheheka okunamandla kunganele ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside?

Futhi ubani uqwanga lwengulube

Ubulili abanele ukuze umbhangqwana uzinze, “kudingeka nezinye izakhi: ukuhloniphana, izithakazelo ezihlangene,” kusho uLyubov Koltunova, isazi se-Gestalt, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kaJungian.

- Uma kungenjalo, ukudlula ububanzi bobudlelwane bobulili, umbhangqwana ngeke ukuthole okungababopha, futhi kungase kuphakame ukuphikisana okuningi. Kuvele ukuthi omunye uthanda ikhabe, kanti enye ingulube uqwanga.

Ithuba kuphela lokusindisa umfelandawonye onjalo wukubheka ukuvumelana. Kodwa yilapho inkinga ivela khona. Akubona bonke abakulungele ukushintsha ngisho ngenxa yothando.

Ngokuvamile, abalingani bakhetha izingxabano nezingxabano eziqhubekayo ezingxoxweni - ngamunye udinga ukuthi omunye aguqule ngokuvumelana nezidingo zakhe, athathe isikhundla somntwana - "engikufunayo kungaphambili." Kunzima ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni obunjalo isikhathi eside.

Futhi ngiyathanda futhi ngiyazonda

UVadim oneminyaka engu-43 ubudala uthi: “Ngangisangene ngimthanda umkami wokuqala, ngangifuna ukuba naye umzuzu nomzuzu. Lapho eyohlangana nabangane bakhe, ngacabanga ukuthi angase ahlangane nothile aye kuye. Ngase ngiminywa umona, ngacabanga ukuthi: kungaba ngcono ukuba afe kunokuba abe nomunye!

Kungani ngezinye izikhathi siba nemizwa enjalo yokucasuka? Futhi siyadingana, futhi silungele ukubulala; silulaza, sicasule omunye - futhi kulokhu sithola ukuhlushwa okumangalisayo?

U-Lyubov Koltunova uyaqhubeka: “Isizathu sobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi kanjalo nobubuhlungu siwukuphulwa kokunamathela komlingani oyedwa noma bobabili,” kuqhuba uLyubov Koltunova, “lapho siba nokukhathazeka singazi lapho singena ebuhlotsheni obuseduze obungokomzwelo.

Lokho isazi se-psychoanalyst uKaren Horney akubiza ngokuthi "umuzwa wokukhathazeka okuyisisekelo" - kukhula ngaphandle kwesizungu nokungabi namandla esabhekana nakho ebuntwaneni ukube abazali bethu babengasinakile.

Sizwa ukukhangwa okungenakuvinjwa kozakwethu futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ngokungazi lutho sizame ukugcina ibanga, ngoba isipiliyoni sokunamathiselwe sasike saba buhlungu.

Umjikelezo awukapheli

Ngesikhathi sokusondelana ngokocansi, ukuvuka kwenkanuko kudlula ezigabeni ezimbalwa - lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi "umjikelezo wokusabela ngokocansi", ngemuva kwalokho abalingani bazizwa besondelene.

Okokuqala kukhona isithakazelo, khona-ke ukukhanga, injabulo, eyanda kancane kancane, futhi ekugcineni sifinyelela ukukhishwa - i-orgasm. Kodwa into ethakazelisa kakhulu ukuthi umjikelezo wokuphendula ngokocansi awupheli kulesi sigaba.

"Ngemva kwe-orgasm, isiteji esiphikisayo siqala: ukwehla kwenjabulo, umzimba ucela ukuphumula, ukuphumula, bese isigaba sokulinganisa - ukuqonda okuhlangenwe nakho okuzuziwe," kuchaza uLyubov Koltunova. - Njengomphumela walokhu kuqedwa komjikelezo wokusabela kocansi, okunamathiselwe kuvela.

Sinesifiso sokugodlana, sixoxe, sichithe isikhathi esengeziwe ndawonye, ​​sidle isidlo sakusihlwa noma sihambe sihamba ngezinyawo.

Kodwa ebuhlotsheni obunothando, isigaba sokugcina somjikelezo wezocansi sivame ukushiywa: ukukhanga okunamandla kubamba izithandwa noma kuphi lapho bekhona, endizeni, endlini yokugezela yendawo yokudlela noma yaseshashalazini. Asikho nje isikhathi sokulinganisa. "

Futhi-ke kuvela ukuthi umjikelezo wokusabela kocansi awuqediwe. Ukukhangwa ngokocansi kukhona, kodwa okunamathiselwe - ihange elisikhuthaza ukuba sibe ndawonye - akuveli.

Ngimphuphuthekise

Muhle embhedeni, futhi sicabanga ukuthi uthando lolu. Kodwa ekuqaleni ubuhlobo, kufana nokuthandana. Futhi kuyingozi ngokuqagela: sinikeza umlingani izimfanelo oyifunayo. Yiqiniso, i-projection iwela entweni lapho kukhona ezinye «izingwegwe» - into lapho kungaba ukubamba.

Badalwa ukungazi kwethu kusukela emlandweni wokukhula, isipiliyoni sokuqala sokuthandana nezithombe zobusha, imibono ecacile, kuhlanganise nezocansi. Ingabe siyalijabulela izwi lakhe? Uma sihlola okwedlule, kungase kutholakale ukuthi uthisha, esasithandana naye ngokuphelele sineminyaka engu-15 ubudala, wayenezwi elifanayo.

Kuvele ukuthi asixhumani nozakwethu, kodwa ngombono wethu ngaye. Ukuqagela okusunguliwe kuyandiza lapho kuvela izingxabano kumbhangqwana, njengokungathi sikhumula izibuko ezinombala orozi futhi sijwayelane nomuntu wangempela, hhayi wenganekwane. Kusuka ngaleso sikhathi lapho ukungezwani kuqala khona ebudlelwaneni, futhi sibhekene nokukhetha - ingabe yilokhu esikudingayo noma cha?

Ubudlelwano buhlukene. Ubulili obucacile obungokomzwelo buyisici esibalulekile, kodwa akusona sodwa.

Yini ongayifunda ngakho?

I-Gestalt Therapy of Sexuality by Brigitte Martel

Ukushintshashintsha, isizungu, umndeni… Umugqa phakathi kokujwayelekile kanye nesifo, izindaba ezahlukene mayelana nempilo yocansi yamaklayenti, ukuphawula kochwepheshe kanye nethiyori eyisisekelo.

(Institute for General Humanitarian Studies, 2020)