Okuqukethwe
Kungani silutheka kubantu abasizwisa ubuhlungu?
Psychology
Ubuntwana bethu buyisici esinqumayo ekutheni lapho sesikhulile sibakha futhi sibugcine kanjani ubudlelwano bethu
Ukugembula kuthiwa kuwumlutha wekhulu lesi-XNUMX. Njengalena, evame ukuba sematheni, sihlala sikhuluma ngokunye okuncika okuhlala emifantwini yomphakathi: uphuzo oludakayo, izidakamizwa noma ucansi. Kodwa, kukhona okunye ukulutheka okukhona nathi sonke futhi izikhathi eziningi asikunaki; i ukuncika komuntu, isidingo esisenzayo nesizizwayo ngabanye abantu.
Ubudlelwano babantu buyinsika yokuphila kwethu, kodwa izikhathi eziningi sihileleke kukho ukubhanqa okunobuthi, uthando, umndeni noma ubungane, ezisivimbela njengabantu futhi zingasivumeli ukuba sithuthuke noma sijabule.
Lena yindlela uManuel Hernández Pacheco, athweswe ngayo iziqu zeBiology and Psychology eNyuvesi yaseMalaga nombhali wencwadi ethi “Kungani abantu engibathandayo bengilimaza?” Kuchaza. «Ukuthembela ngokomzwelo okusebenzayo njengendlela yokugembula, ngesikhathi lapho I Ngizwa umvuzo ngomuntu, ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi wangiphatha kahle noma wangenza ngizizwe ngithandwa, ngizobanjwa kulowo muzwa », kuchaza uchwepheshe. Inkinga iba lapho lowo muntu “esincika” kuye eqala ukusilimaza. Lokhu kungaba ngezizathu ezimbili; Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kukhona ukufunda okutholwe ebuntwaneni futhi okuvame ukuphindaphindwa; ngakolunye, njengoba kwaba khona ngesikhathi esithile uhlobo lomvuzo, abantu baba imilutha yaleso sidingo. Ngokufanayo nalabo ababhemayo, noma labo abagembulayo: uma ngesikhathi esithile bazizwa bejabule ngalokho, manje abakwazi ukuyeka ukukwenza,” kuchaza uManuel Hernández.
“Amanxeba esikhathi esidlule”
Futhi yikuphi lokho kufunda uchwepheshe akhuluma ngakho? Ziyizisekelo zemizwa yethu, zobuntu bethu, obakheka ngesikhathi iminyaka yokuqala yokuphila kwethu, lapho sisebancane. Inkinga ifika lapho singazange sibe nentuthuko “evamile” futhi siphethe “amanxeba esikhathi esidlule.”
“Amaphesenti angu-80 alokho esizokwazi ukuphila kwethu konke esikufunda eminyakeni emine noma emihlanu yokuqala,” kusho lo chwepheshe futhi aqhubeke: “Lapho ngisebenza ngokomzwelo ngenxa yento ethile eyenzeka kimi, ubuchopho bami buyoba namandla. donsa inkumbuloFuthi-ke uma ubaba ehlale efuna okuningi kimi, uma nginomphathi cishe uzofuna okuningi kimi futhi.
Khona-ke, idluliselwe endizeni yobudlelwane, uma ingane ihlupheke lokho okubizwa ngokuthi a "i-attachment trauma"Ngoba, lapho sisebancane, abazali bethu baye basishaya indiva lapho sifuna ukunakwa ngokwemvelo, kwakheka lokhu kuhlukumezeka, “okuvimbela ukukhula, ukukhula okungokwemvelo ebuchosheni bomntwana, okuzodingeka kwenzeke. nemiphumela yempilo yakhe yonke ”, njengoba isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sichaza.
Phinda ngokuzenzakalelayo
Esinye isithiyo abantu abacwile ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi yilokho okubizwa ngokuthi inkumbulo yenqubo. «Ubuchopho buvame ukuphinda izivumelwano zokulondoloza amandla, ngakho-ke, ku-psychogenealogy, lapho ubuchopho benza okuthile izikhathi eziningi, kufika isikhathi lapho akazi ukuthi akwenze kanjani ngenye indlela», Kuchaza uManuel Hernández. “Ekugcineni siba imilutha yendlela esizithiba ngayo, kodwa leyo yinto eyayiwusizo ngesinye isikhathi futhi engase ibe yinhlekelele manje,” uyanezela.
Futhi, lezi zimpande esinazo kusukela ebuntwaneni, lawo masiko nezindlela zokuziphatha, zisisondeza kulobu budlelwano obunobuthi. “Uma sisebancane sibe nomuzwa wokuthi sinesici, lokho kuyinto ekhona sicabanga ukuthi iphutha lethu, ngakho sinamandla phezu kwawo “, kuchaza uManuel Hernández futhi aqhubeke: “Kungakho abantu abaningi bezishaya futhi bezihlanganisa nabantu abanobuthi, ngoba banomuzwa wokuthi abakufanelekeli okwengeziwe, ngoba iyona ndlela kuphela abazi ukuba ukwazi ukusinda.
Ukusekela kwenye
Uma umuntu ecwile ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi, lapho “umuntu amthandayo emlimaza”, udinga ukuzilawula ukuze abunqobe. Kodwa, lokhu kungaba umsebenzi onzima kubantu abaningi. “Lapho ukwesaba kwasebuntwaneni kukhulu, lapho ukufunda kuzoba nzima ngokwengeziwe, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukushintsha,” kuphikisa uManuel Hernández.
“Uma kukhona ukuncika, kungaba kumuntu noma entweni, okudingayo kithina ukuzilawula, ukudlula leso sifo sokuhoxa, kodwa lokho akwenziwa ngosuku, iza kancane kancane», Kuchaza uchwepheshe. Ukuze kuzuzwe lo mthethonqubo, into ebaluleke kakhulu ngokuvamile ukuncika komunye umuntu, hhayi kuphela ochwepheshe, umngane omuhle, uthisha noma uzakwenu ongaba usizo olukhulu ukuze aphume kuleyo ndawo emnyama.