Sinini isikhathi sokuthi ingane ibone isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo?

“Ngihlale ngikhathazeka ngendodakazi yami eneminyaka emithathu ubudala,” kuvuma uLev oneminyaka engu-38. - Ngesinye isikhathi waluma enkulisa, futhi ngangesaba ukuthi wayengenandaba nabantu. Lapho ekhafula i-broccoli, sengivele ngiyibona i-anorexia. Umkami nodokotela wethu wezingane babehlale bengibeka ngokukhululeka. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ngicabanga ukuthi kusafanele ngiye kudokotela wezengqondo naye. ”

Ukungabaza kuyamkhathaza uKristina oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala, okhathazekile ngendodana yakhe eneminyaka emihlanu: “Ngiyabona ukuthi ingane yethu ikhathazekile. Lokhu kuzibonakalisa ku-psychosomatics, manje, isibonelo, izingalo nemilenze yakhe iyaxebuka. Ngizitshela ukuthi lokhu kuzodlula, ukuthi akukhona okwami ​​ukukushintsha. Kodwa kuyangikhathaza ukucabanga ukuthi uyahlupheka.”

Yini emvimba ukuthi ayobonana nodokotela wezengqondo? “Ngiyesaba ukuzwa ukuthi iphutha lami. Kuthiwani uma ngivula ibhokisi likaPandora bese kuba kubi kakhulu … ngilahlekelwe ama-bearings ami futhi angazi ukuthi ngenzenjani.

Lokhu kudideka kuvamile kubazali abaningi. Yini ongathembela kuyo, indlela yokuhlukanisa phakathi kwalokho okubangelwa izigaba zentuthuko (isibonelo, izinkinga zokuhlukana nabazali), yini ebonisa ubunzima obuncane (amaphupho amabi), futhi yini edinga ukungenelela kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo?

Lapho silahlekelwe umbono ocacile ngesimo

Ingane ingase ibonise izimpawu zenkinga noma ibangele izinkinga kubathandekayo, kodwa lokhu akusho ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi inkinga ikuyo. Akuvamile ukuba ingane “isebenze njengophawu” - yile ndlela izazi ze-psychotherapist zomndeni eziqoka ngayo ilungu lomndeni elithatha umsebenzi wokubonisa izinkinga zomndeni.

“Ingazibonakalisa ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yezingane uGaliya Nigmetzhanova. Ngokwesibonelo, ingane iluma izinzipho. Noma unezinkinga ezingaqondakali ze-somatic: umkhuhlane omncane ekuseni, ukukhwehlela. Noma akaziphathi kahle: ukulwa, ukuthatha amathoyizi.

Ngandlela-thile, kuye ngeminyaka yakhe, isimo sengqondo kanye nezinye izici, uzama - ngokungazi, yebo - "ukunamathisela" ubuhlobo babazali bakhe, ngoba udinga bobabili. Ukukhathazeka ngengane kungabahlanganisa. Baxabane ihora lonke ngenxa yakhe, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi babendawonye ngalelihora.

Ukuphendukela kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kukuvumela ukuthi uqonde kangcono isimo futhi, uma kunesidingo, uqale ukwelashwa komndeni, umshado, umuntu ngamunye noma ingane.

“Ukusebenza ngisho nomuntu omdala oyedwa kungaba nemiphumela emihle kakhulu,” kusho uGaliya Nigmetzhanova. - Futhi lapho izinguquko ezinhle ziqala, umzali wesibili ngezinye izikhathi ufika ereception, owayekade "wayengenaso isikhathi." Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile, uyabuza: unjani umntwana, uyaluma izinzipho zakhe? "Cha, konke kuhamba kahle."

Kodwa kufanele sikhumbule ukuthi izinkinga ezahlukene zingafihlwa ngemuva kophawu olufanayo. Ake sithathe isibonelo: ingane eneminyaka emihlanu iziphatha kabi njalo ebusuku ngaphambi kokuba iyolala. Lokhu kungase kubonise izinkinga zakhe siqu: ukwesaba ubumnyama, ubunzima enkulisa.

Noma mhlawumbe kungenxa yezimo zengqondo eziphikisanayo: umama uphikelela ukuthi alale kusenesikhathi, ngisho noma wayengenaso isikhathi sokubhukuda, futhi ubaba udinga ukuba enze isiko elithile ngaphambi kokulala, futhi ngenxa yalokho, kusihlwa. kuyaqhuma. Kunzima ngabazali ukuqonda ukuthi kungani.

“Ngangingacabangi ukuthi kunzima kangaka ukuba umama,” kuvuma uPolina oneminyaka engu-30 ubudala. “Ngifuna ukuzola nokuba mnene, kodwa ngikwazi ukubeka imingcele. Ukuba nengane yakho, kodwa hhayi ukuyicindezela ... Ngifunde okuningi mayelana nokuba umzali, ngiya ezifundweni, kodwa noma kunjalo angikwazi ukubona ngale kwekhala lami.

Akuvamile ukuthi abazali bazizwe belahlekile olwandle lweseluleko esingqubuzanayo. “Unolwazi oluningi, kodwa futhi akanalo ulwazi,” njengoba uPatrick Delaroche, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nodokotela wengqondo yezingane, ebachaza.

Senzenjani ngokukhathalela kwethu izingane zethu? Hamba uyobonana nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, kusho uGaliya Nigmetzhanova futhi uchaza ukuthi kungani: “Uma ukukhathazeka kuzwakala emphefumulweni womzali, ngokuqinisekile kuyobuthinta ubuhlobo bakhe nengane, kanye nomlingani wakhe futhi. Sidinga ukuthola ukuthi uyini umthombo wayo. Akumele kube yingane, kungaba ukunganeliseki kwakhe ngomshado wakhe noma ukuhlukumezeka kwakhe kwasebuntwaneni.”

Lapho siyeka ukuqonda ingane yethu

“Indodana yami yaya kudokotela wezifo zengqondo kusukela eminyakeni engu-11 kuya kwengu-13 ubudala,” kukhumbula uSvetlana oneminyaka engu-40 ubudala. - Ekuqaleni ngangizizwa nginecala: kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi ngikhokhele umuntu engingamazi ngokunakekela indodana yami?! Kube nomuzwa wokuthi ngizikhulula emthwalweni, ukuthi ngingumama ongenamsebenzi.

Kodwa yini okwakumelwe yenziwe uma ngiyeka ukuqonda ingane yami? Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngakwazi ukushiya izimangalo zokuba namandla onke. Ngiyaziqhenya ngokuthi ngikwazile ukudlulisela igunya.”

Abaningi bethu bamiswa ukungabaza: ukucela usizo, kubonakala ngathi, kusho ukusayina ukuthi asikwazi ukubhekana nendima yomzali. "Cabanga nje: itshe livimbe indlela yethu, futhi silindele ukuthi lihambe endaweni ethile," kusho uGaliya Nigmetzhanova.

- Abaningi baphila kanje, eqandisiwe, «bengayiboni» inkinga, ngokulindela ukuthi izozixazulula ngokwayo. Kodwa uma siqaphela ukuthi “sinetshe” phambi kwethu, khona-ke singazivulela indlela.

"Abazali bayayeka ukuqonda izingane lapho bekhathele - kangangokuthi abasakwazi ukuvula into entsha enganeni, ukumlalela, ukumelana nezinkinga zakhe," kusho uGaliya Nigmetzhanova. — Uchwepheshe uzokusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi yini ebangela ukukhathala nokuthi ungazigcwalisa kanjani izinsiza zakho. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siphinde sisebenze njengotolika, sisize abazali nabantwana bezwe.”

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingane ingase ibe “nesidingo esilula sokukhuluma nothile ongeyena umkhaya, kodwa ngendlela engesona isihlamba kubazali,” kunezela uPatrick Delaroche. Ngakho-ke, ungayithethisi ingane ngemibuzo lapho iphuma esifundweni.

KuGleb oneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili, onewele, kubalulekile ukuthi athathwe njengomuntu ohlukene. Lokhu kwaqondwa uVeronica oneminyaka engu-36 ubudala, owamangazwa indlela indodana yakhe eyathuthuka ngayo ngokushesha. Ngesinye isikhathi, uGleb wayelokhu ethukuthele noma edabukile, enganelisekile ngakho konke - kodwa ngemva kweseshini yokuqala, umfana wakhe omnandi, onomusa, onobuqili wabuyela kuye.

Uma abakuzungezile bekhala i-alamu

Abazali, abamatasa ngezinto ezibakhathazayo, abaqapheli ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi ingane iyancipha, ilalele, ikhuthele. “Kuyafaneleka ukulalela uma uthisha, umhlengikazi wesikole, uthisha omkhulu, udokotela bekhalisa i-alamu … asikho isidingo sokuhlela inhlekelele, kodwa akufanele ubukele phansi lezi zimpawu,” kuxwayisa u-Patrick Delaroche.

Nansi indlela uNatalia aqala ngayo ukubonana nendodana yakhe eneminyaka emine ubudala: “Uthisha wathi ibikhala njalo. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sangisiza ukuba ngibone ukuthi ngemva kwesehlukaniso sami, sasisondelene kakhulu. Kwavela nokuthi akazange akhale "ngaso sonke isikhathi", kodwa kuphela kulawo masonto lapho eya kuyise.

U-Ivan usamthukuthelele uthisha owabiza u-Zhanna ukuthi u-hyperactive, "futhi konke ngoba intombazane, uyabona, kufanele ihlale ekhoneni, kuyilapho abafana begijima bezungeza, futhi lokho kulungile!"

UGaliya Nigmetzhanova weluleka ukuba angethuki futhi angami endaweni ngemuva kokuzwa ukubuyekezwa okungalungile mayelana nengane, kodwa okokuqala, ngokuthula nangobungane acacise yonke imininingwane. Uma, ngokwesibonelo, ingane ixabene esikoleni, thola ukuthi ubani owayexabene nokuthi yayiyingane enjani, ubani omunye owayeseduze, hlobo luni lobuhlobo ekilasini lilonke.

Lokhu kuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi kungani ingane yakho iziphathe ngendlela eyenze ngayo. “Mhlawumbe unobunzima ebudlelwaneni bakhe nothile, noma mhlawumbe wasabela ngaleyo ndlela ekuqinelweni kwakhe. Ngaphambi kokuthatha isinyathelo, isithombe sonke sidinga ukucaciswa.”

Lapho sibona izinguquko ezinkulu

Ukungabi nabo abangani noma ukuhlukumeza, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ingane yakho inobuqhwaga noma ihlukumeza abanye, kubonisa izinkinga zobudlelwane. Uma osemusha engaziqapheli ngokwanele, engenakho ukuzethemba, ekhathazeke ngokweqile, udinga ukunaka lokhu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingane elalela ngokweqile enokuziphatha okuhle ingase futhi ingasebenzi kahle ngasese.

Kuvela ukuthi noma yini ingaba isizathu sokuxhumana nodokotela wezengqondo? “Alukho uhlu oluzophela, ngakho ukuvezwa kokuhlupheka kwengqondo akuhambelani. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izingane ngezinye izikhathi ziba nezinkinga ngokushesha esikhundleni sabanye, "kusho uPatrick Delaroche.

Ngakho unquma kanjani ukuthi udinga ukuya ku-aphoyintimenti? UGaliya Nigmetzhanova unikeza impendulo emfushane: "Abazali ekuziphatheni kwengane kufanele baxwayiswe yilokho "izolo" kwakungekho, kodwa kubonakala namuhla, okungukuthi, noma yiziphi izinguquko ezinkulu. Ngokwesibonelo, intombazane ibilokhu ijabule, futhi ngokungazelelwe isimo sayo sengqondo sishintshe kakhulu, igangile, iphonsela inhlokomo.

Noma ngokuphambene nalokho, ingane yayingeyona ingxabano - futhi ngokuzumayo iqala ukulwa nawo wonke umuntu. Akukhathalekile ukuthi lezi zinguquko ziba zimbi noma sengathi zingcono, okubalulekile ukuthi azilindelekile, azibikezeli.” “Futhi masingakhohlwa i-enuresis, amaphupho amabi aphindelelayo…” kwengeza u-Patrick Delaroche.

Futhi ingane eyekile ukuhlanganyela ngokujwayelekile idinga usizo lochwepheshe. Futhi-ke, udinga ukuhlangana nengane phakathi uma yena ngokwakhe ecela ukubonana nochwepheshe, okwenzeka kaningi ngemva kweminyaka engu-12-13.

"Ngisho noma abazali bengakhathazeki nganoma yini, ukuza nengane kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kuwukuvimbela okuhle," kufingqa uGaliya Nigmetzhanova. "Lesi isinyathelo esibalulekile sokuthuthukisa izinga lempilo yengane neyakho."