Bangase benze imizamo emangalisayo yokunciphisa umzimba, kodwa bangafinyeleli imiphumela. "Udonga lwamafutha", njengegobolondo, lubavikela ekuhlukumezeni kwengqondo ababhekana nakho kanye. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo u-Yulia Lapina sikhuluma ngezisulu zodlame - amantombazane nabesifazane abangakwazi ukusizwa ngokudla okuvamile.
U-Lisa (igama elishintshiwe) wazuza amakhilogremu angu-15 eneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili. Unina wamthethisa ngokudla ipasta eningi endaweni yokudlela yesikole. Futhi wayesaba ukutshela unina ukuthi umalume wakhe uhlezi emhlupha.
UTatyana wadlwengulwa eneminyaka eyisikhombisa. Wadla ngokweqile, futhi ngaphambi komhlangano ngamunye nesoka lakhe, wayezihlanza. Wakuchaza ngale ndlela: lapho enezifiso zobulili, wayezizwa engcolile, enecala futhi ebhekana nokukhathazeka. Ukudla kanye «nokuhlanza» okwalandela kwamsiza ukuba abhekane nalesi simo.
KULAHLEKELWE UKUXHUMANA
Owesifazane ukhetha le ndlela yokuzivikela ngokungazi: isisindo esitholiwe siba esokuvikela kwakhe esimweni esibuhlungu. Ngenxa yalokho, ngokusebenzisa izindlela zokungazi lutho ze-psyche, ukwanda kwesifiso sokudla kwenzeka, okuholela ekudleni ngokweqile nokuzuza kwesisindo. Ngandlela thile, ukukhuluphala kuvikela owesifazane onjalo ebuhlotsheni bakhe bobulili, ngoba ukuziphatha okusebenzayo kocansi kwabesifazane abakhuluphele akuthandwa emphakathini - kanye nakwabesifazane abangaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amahlanu.
Ukuxhumana phakathi kokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kanye nokuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla sekuxoxwe ngakho isikhathi eside. Isekelwe ngokuyinhloko emizweni: umuzwa wecala, amahloni, ukuzikhukhumeza, ukuzithukuthelela - kanye nemizamo yokuvala imizwa ngosizo lwezinto zangaphandle (ukudla, utshwala, izidakamizwa).
Izisulu zodlame zisebenzisa ukudla ukuze zibhekane nemizwa engahlangene nendlala
Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kungathinta indlela odla ngayo kanye nesimo somzimba womuntu ohlukunyeziwe ngezindlela ezahlukene. Ngesikhathi sodlame emzimbeni, ukulawula phezu kwawo akusekho kuye. Imingcele yephulwa kakhulu, futhi ukuxhumana nezinzwa zomzimba, okuhlanganisa indlala, ukukhathala, ubulili, kungalahleka. Umuntu uyeka ukuqondiswa yizo ngoba nje engasezwa.
Izisulu zokuhlukunyezwa zisebenzisa ukudla ukuze zibhekane nemizwa engahlangene nendlala. Imizwa lapho ukuxhumana okuqondile kulahleka khona kungafika ekuqapheleni okuthile okungaqondakali, okungacacile "Ngifuna okuthile", futhi lokhu kungaholela ekudleni ngokweqile, lapho impendulo yezinkinga eziyikhulu iwukudla.
UKWESABA UKUBA INGANE ENGAPHILA
Ngendlela, izisulu zodlame locansi angeke zibe namafutha kuphela, kodwa futhi zibe mncane kakhulu - ukukhanga komzimba ngokocansi kungacindezelwa ngezindlela ezahlukene. Abanye balaba besifazane baphoqeleka ukuthi badle ukudla, basheshe, noma bahlanze ukuze benze imizimba yabo “iphelele.” Endabeni yabo, sikhuluma ngeqiniso lokuthi umzimba «okahle» unamandla engeziwe, ukungathinteki, ukulawula isimo. Kubonakala sengathi ngale ndlela bazokwazi ukuzivikela emizweni yokungabi nakuzisiza kakade.
Uma kuziwa ekuhlukunyezweni kwasebuntwaneni (hhayi ngempela ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi), amadoda nabesifazane abakhuluphele ngokweqile besaba ukuncipha ngenxa yokuthi kubenza bazizwe bebancane, njengokungathi bayizingane ezingenakuzisiza futhi. Lapho umzimba uba "mncane", yonke leyo mizwa ebuhlungu abangakaze bafunde ukubhekana nayo ingavela.
AMAQINISO KUPHELA
Ososayensi baseBoston University School of Medicine and Epidemiology Centre, eholwa nguRené Boynton-Jarret, benze ucwaningo olukhulu ngempilo yabesifazane kusukela ngo-1995 kuya ku-2005. Bahlaziya idatha yabesifazane abangaphezu kuka-33 abake bahlukunyezwa ngokocansi besebancane bathola ukuthi babenengozi engu-30% ephezulu yokukhuluphala kunalabo ababa nenhlanhla yokuyigwema. Futhi lolu cwaningo aluhlukanisiwe - miningi eminye imisebenzi enikelwe kulesi sihloko.
Abanye abacwaningi bahlobanisa inkinga yesisindo eseqile nezinye izinhlobo zobudlova: ngokomzimba (ukushaya) nokulimala kwengqondo (ukuncishwa). Kokunye ukuhlola, abazitika ngokuzitikayo bacelwa ukuba bakhethe izinto ezimbalwa ohlwini lwababehlelwe yinhlekelele. U-59% wabo ukhulume ngokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, u-36% - mayelana nomzimba, u-30% - mayelana nocansi, u-69% - ngokulahlwa ngokomzwelo kubazali babo, u-39% - mayelana nokwenqatshwa ngokomzimba.
Le nkinga ingaphezu kobucayi. Ingane eyodwa kwezine kanye noyedwa kwabathathu abesifazane babhekana nohlobo oluthile lobudlova.
Bonke abacwaningi bayaqaphela ukuthi lokhu akukona mayelana nokuxhumana okuqondile, kodwa kuphela mayelana nenye yezinto eziyingozi, kodwa kuphakathi kwabantu abakhuluphele ukuthi inani elikhulu lalabo ababhekana nobudlova ebuntwaneni babonwa.
Le nkinga ingaphezu kobucayi. Ngokombiko ka-2014 weGlobal Status Report on Violence Prevention, olungiswe yiNhlangano Yezempilo Yomhlaba kanye neNhlangano Yezizwe Ezihlangene ngokusekelwe emininingwaneni yochwepheshe abangu-160 emhlabeni wonke, ingane eyodwa kwezine nowesifazane oyedwa kwabathathu babhekana nohlobo oluthile lobudlova.
KUNGENZEKA YINI?
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isisindo sakho esengeziwe "izikhali" noma umphumela wokudla ngokweqile ngokomzwelo (noma kokubili), ungazama okulandelayo.
Ukwelashwa kwengqondo. Ukusebenza okuqondile nokuhlukumezeka ehhovisi le-psychotherapist kungenye yezindlela eziphumelela kakhulu. Umelaphi onolwazi angaba umuntu ongabelana naye futhi aphulukise ubuhlungu bakho obudala.
Sesha amaqembu okusekela. Ukusebenza ngokuhlukumezeka eqenjini labantu abake babhekana nakho kuyinsiza enkulu yokwelapha. Uma siseqenjini, ubuchopho bethu bungabhala “kabusha” ukusabela, ngoba umuntu ngokuyinhloko uyisidalwa somphakathi. Sifunda siyiqembu, sithola ukwesekwa kulo futhi siyaqonda ukuthi asisodwa.
Sebenza ukuze unqobe ukudla ngokweqile ngokomzwelo. Ukusebenza ngokuhlukumezeka, ngokufana, ungakwazi kahle izindlela zokusebenza ngokudla ngokweqile ngokomzwelo. Kulokhu, ukwelashwa kwengqondo, i-yoga nokuzindla kufanelekile - izindlela ezihlobene namakhono okuqonda imizwa yakho nokuxhumana kwayo nokudla ngokweqile.
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi imizwa yethu iwumhubhe: ukuze ufinyelele ukukhanya, kufanele udlule kuze kube sekupheleni, futhi lokhu kudinga insiza.
Ukuthola isisombululo. Abaningi abasinde ekuhlukumezekeni bavame ukungena ebudlelwaneni obulimazayo okwenza izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu. Isibonelo esiyingqayizivele esomuntu wesilisa nowesifazane owumlutha wotshwala abanezinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu. Kulesi simo, kuyadingeka ukuthola amakhono okuthola amanxeba esikhathi esidlule, ukumisa imingcele yomuntu siqu, ukufunda ukuzinakekela wena nesimo sakho somzwelo.
Idayari yemizwa. Kubalulekile ukufunda indlela yokuveza imizwa yakho ngendlela enempilo. Amasu okuphumula, ukufuna ukwesekwa, ukuvivinya umzimba kokuphefumula kungasiza kulokhu. Udinga ukuthuthukisa ikhono lokuqaphela imizwa yakho, ugcine idayari yemizwa futhi uhlaziye ukuziphatha kwakho okubangelwa yiyo.
Amasu alula. Ukufunda, ukukhuluma nomngane, ukuhambahamba — yenza uhlu lwezinto ezikusizayo futhi uzigcine unawe ukuze ube nezixazululo ezilungile ngesikhathi esinzima. Yiqiniso, angeke kube khona "ikhambi elisheshayo", kodwa ukuthola lokho okusizayo kungathuthukisa kakhulu izimo.
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi imizwa yethu iwumhubhe: ukuze ufinyelele ekukhanyeni, udinga ukudlula kukho kuze kube sekupheleni, futhi ngenxa yalokhu udinga insiza - ukuze udlule kulobu bumnyama futhi uhlangabezane nemizwa engemihle isikhathi esithile. . Ngokushesha noma kamuva, lo mhubhe uzophela, futhi ukukhululwa kuzofika - kokubili ebuhlungwini nasekuxhumaneni okubuhlungu nokudla.