Izingane ezinonya

Isimo sengqondo somntwana wenkosi

Ngaphansi komoya wakhe omncane ka-Saint, ingane yakho encane iyakukhohlisa ngokukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo futhi izwa sengathi isithathile! Akasayithobeli imithetho yempilo yasekhaya, udinwa nokucasuka okuncane. Okubi nakakhulu, zonke izimo zansuku zonke ziphela ngedrama, ngesijeziso futhi uzizwa unecala ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungathuki, zitshele lokho izingane zidinga imingcele ebekwe ngokucacile nemithetho ukuze zikhule ngokuvumelana. Kuzuzisa bona kanye nempilo yabo yakusasa yabantu abadala. Kuphakathi kweminyaka emi-3 neyisi-6 lapho ingane ibona khona ukuthi ayinawo wonke amandla nokuthi kunemithetho yokuphila ekhaya, esikoleni, epaki, ngamafuphi emphakathini, ngenhlonipho.

Iyini ingane eyisihluku sasekhaya?

Kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDidier Pleux, umbhali wencwadi ethi "Kusukela enkosini yengane kuya kumntwana ongumashiqela", inkosi yengane ihambisana nengane yemindeni yamanje, ingane "ejwayelekile": unakho konke ezingeni lezinto ezibonakalayo futhi uyathandwa futhi uyatotoswa.

Umntwana ononya ubonisa ukubusa kwabanye futhi, ikakhulukazi, phezu kwabazali bakhe. Akathobeli noma yimuphi umthetho wempilo futhi uthola akufunayo kumama nobaba.

Iphrofayili ejwayelekile: igocentric, ixhaphaza amalungelo, ayisekeli ukukhungatheka, ifuna injabulo ngokushesha, ayihloniphi abanye, ayizibuzi, ayisizi ekhaya ...

Ingane inkosi, umashiqela wakusasa?

Qhubeka

Izingane ezinonya ngokuvamile azenzi izenzo ezingathi sína. Ikakhulukazi ukunqoba okuncane phezu kwegunya labazali elinqwabelene nsuku zonke okubonisa amandla abo aphelele. Futhi uma bephumelela ukuthatha amandla ekhaya, abazali bahlezi bezibuza ukuthi bangasilungisa kanjani lesi simo? Bangase bachaze, baxoxe, akukho okusizayo!

Fundisa ngaphandle kokuzizwa unecala

Ucwaningo olwenziwa yizazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ngale ndaba ngokuvamile lukhomba ku-a ukushoda kwezemfundof ngaphakathi kweyunithi yomndeni ekuseni kakhulu. Izimo ezilula, lapho abazali bengazange basabele khona ngenxa yokuntula isikhathi noma ngokuzitshela ukuthi "mncane kakhulu, akaqondi", shiya ingane inomuzwa wokuthi "noma yini ehambayo"! Uzizwa esemandleni afanayo wezingane ezisacathula, lapho efuna ukulawula abazali bakhe ukuba benze noma yini!

Njengoba isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDidier Pleux esikhumbuza, Uma ingane eneminyaka engu-9 noma engu-10 ubudala iphula ithoyizi layo eliyintandokazi ngemva kwesikhashana sokucasuka, kufanele ikwazi ukubhekana nempendulo efanele evela kubazali bayo. Uma ithoyizi lithathelwa indawo efanayo noma lilungiswa, asikho isijeziso esihambisana nokuziphatha kwalo okweqile.

Ukusabela okufanele kakhulu kungaba ngeyomzali ukuba amenze abe nomthwalo wemfanelo ngokumchazela ukuthi kumelwe ahlanganyele ekushintsheni ithoyizi, isibonelo. Ingane iyaqonda ukuthi yeqe umkhawulo, kukhona ukusabela nokujeziswa okuvela kumuntu omdala.

I-Tyrant Child Syndrome: Uyakuhlola!

Ezenzweni zakhe, ingane enonya ihlola kuphela futhi ifune imingcele ngokucasula abazali bayo! Ulinda ukuvinjelwa ukuze amqinisekise. Unombono wokuthi lokhu asanda kukwenza akugunyaziwe ... Futhi lapho, uma uphuthelwa ithuba lokukubuyisela emuva, ngeke nje aphume enqobile, kodwa umbuthano we-infernal kungenzeka uzinze kancane. Futhi lokho ukugibela amadwala!

Kodwa ungazishayi kakhulu, akukho okuwujuqu. Udinga nje ukuqaphela lokhu kusenesikhathi ukuze ulungise isibhamu. Kukuwe ukuthi ulethe kabusha umthamo wegunya ngohlaka olunembayo: ingane yakho kumelwe ikwazi “ukuhambisa” kancane kancane kwezinye izithiyo lapho yeqa imingcele yakho yemfundo.

Zivumelanise neqiniso

Lawula ukuziphatha kwengane enonya nsuku zonke

Ngokuvamile, ngaphambi kokucabangela ukubonisana ne-pedopsy, kuhle ukulungisa ukuziphatha okuncane okuhlulekayo kwempilo yansuku zonke. Ukufika komfowethu omncane, isimo esisha lapho ingane ingazizwa ilahliwe, ngezinye izikhathi ikhuthaza lolu hlobo lokuziphatha okungazelelwe. Angakuveza ngaphandle kokudonsela ukunaka kwakho kuye, ngokuzifaka kuzo zonke izifunda zakhe, ngokuphikisa usuku lonke! Kungokuphindaphinda izimpendulo ezifanayo nokunamathela kuzo lapho ingane ifunda ukubhekana nohlaka oluqinisekisayo, umthetho womuntu omdala odingekayo ukuze azimele.

Uhlamvu lusakhiwa

Khumbula ukuthi uphambili ebudlelwaneni bayo nabantu abadala kanye nemithetho yempilo yenhlalo. Umntwana usenqubweni yokukhula ngokomzwelo nenhlalakahle, futhi ugxile endaweni lapho edinga khona amaphuzu okubhekisela kuyo ukuze amqonde ngokugcwele futhi ahlole ukuthi yini angayenza noma angakwazi ukuyenza.

Kumelwe akwazi ukubhekana nohlaka olunembile kukhokho womndeni wakhe, indawo yokuqala yokuhlola esebenza njengesithenjwa sokufunda ukwenqatshelwa kanye nalokho okungenzeka. Kungenzeka ukuzizwa uthandwa ngokubhekana nokwenqatshelwa! Noma wesaba ukuthi nisazongqubuzana, ekuqaleni, bambelela! Kancane kancane, ingane yakho izoba nomqondo womkhawulo futhi kuzoba ngcono kakhulu uma unswinyo luphindelela, luzobe seluhlukaniswa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Igunya elingenalo ubushiqela

Ubani onqumayo?

Yithuba lakho! Ingane yakho encane kufanele iqonde ukuthi ngabazali abanqumayo! Ngaphandle kweqiniso uma kuziwa ekukhetheni umbala wejezi lakho ngokwesibonelo: kunomehluko phakathi kokumphoqa ukuthi agqoke ijezi ebusika, ngenxa yempilo yakhe nokumela umbala wejezi ...

Izingane kudingeka zizwe sengathi sezizimele. Kudingeka futhi baphuphe, bachume endaweni yomndeni ebasiza ukuba bazimele. Kukuwe ukuthi uthole ukuvumelana okufanele phakathi kwegunya elidingekayo, ngaphandle kokuwela ebugqilini.

“Ukwazi ukulinda, ukuba nesithukuthezi, ukubambezeleka, ukwazi ukusiza, ukuhlonipha, ukwazi ukulwela nokuzibamba ukuze uthole umphumela kuyimpahla yokwakha ubuntu beqiniso”, njengoba kuchazwe isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDidier Pleux.

Bebhekene nezimfuno ezitholakala yonke indawo zomashiqela wabo omncane, abazali kumelwe bahlale beqaphile. Cishe iminyaka engu-6 ubudala, ingane isesigabeni sokuzicabangela yena yedwa lapho ifuna ngaphezu kwakho konke ukwanelisa izifiso zayo ezincane. Ukuthenga okudingekayo, amamenyu e-à la carte, ukuzijabulisa nokuzijabulisa kwabazali kuyadingeka, uhlala efuna okwengeziwe!

Okufanele ukwenze nokuthi ungasabela kanjani enganeni enonya futhi uphinde uthole ukulawula?

Abazali banelungelo kanye nomsebenzi wokukhumbula nje "awukwazi ukuba nakho konke", futhi ungangabazi ukususa amalungelo amancane lapho imingcele yeqiwa! Akafuni ukuhambisana nomthetho wokuphila komkhaya, uncishwa ukuzijabulisa noma umsebenzi ojabulisayo.

Ngaphandle kokuzizwa enecala, umzali umisa uhlaka oluhlelekile ngokumthumelela umlayezo ocacile: uma umntwana echichima ngesenzo sokuhlanekezela, iqiniso liyathatha futhi isenzo esinamandla siqinisekisa ukuthi akakwazi ukungalaleli njalo.

Ngemva kweminyaka engu-9, umntwana onobushiqela usebudlelwaneni nabanye, lapho kufanele anikele khona kancane ukuze athole indawo yakhe emaqenjini ahlangana nawo. Ngesikhathi sakhe sokuphumula, esikoleni, abangani babazali bakhe, umndeni, ngamafuphi bonke abantu abadala ahlangana nabo bamkhumbuza ukuthi akaziphileli yena kuphela!

Uyingane, akayena umuntu omdala!

Imibono "yengqondo".

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, sithola ama-psychoanalysts, ngemuva kukaFrançoise Dolto yama-70s, lapho ingane ekugcineni ibonwa njengomuntu ophelele. Le theory yokuguquguquka ilandela kusukela ekhulwini leminyaka edlule, iminyaka lapho abantu abasha babenamalungelo ambalwa, besebenza njengabantu abadala futhi babengaziswa nhlobo!

Singajabula kuphela ngale nqubekelaphambili!

Kodwa esinye isikole somcabango, esinamathele kakhulu ekuziphatheni nasemfundweni, sikhomba emiphumeleni eyonakele yangaphambili. Ukhohliwe kakhulu futhi wahlukunyezwa ekhulwini elidlule, sasuka enganeni "ngaphandle kwamalungelo" saya enkosini yengane yama-2000s...

Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ezifana noDidier Pleux, uChristiane Olivier, uClaude Halmos, phakathi kwabanye, bebelokhu bekhuthaza iminyaka embalwa enye indlela yokucabangela ingane nokweqisa kwayo: ukubuyela ezindleleni zemfundo "zakudala", kodwa ngomthamo wencazelo futhi ngaphandle kwezingxoxo ezidumile ezingenamkhawulo abazali sebeyijwayele bengazi!

Ukuziphatha okufanele ukwenze: akuyena onqumayo!

Odumile "uhlala efuna okwengeziwe" uzwakala njalo emahhovisi "ama-shrinks".

Umphakathi uya ngokuya ukhuluma nengane ngokwakhe ekukhulumeni kwayo kwansuku zonke, kufanele nje ubheke imilayezo yokukhangisa! Izingane ezisacathula ziba abenzi bezinqumo zokuthengwa kwazo zonke izinto zokusebenza ekhaya.

Abanye ochwepheshe bakhalisa izinsimbi ze-alamu. Bamukela abazali kanye neNkosi yabo encane ngokubonisana ngaphambili nangaphambili. Ngenhlanhla, kuvame ukwanele ukulungisa izimo ezimbalwa ezimbi ekhaya ukuze ugweme ukuketula umbuso unomphela!

Iseluleko kubazali: nquma indawo yabo

Ngakho-ke, iyiphi indawo ongayinika ingane emndenini? Iyiphi indawo abazali okufanele bayibuyisele ukuze bathole injabulo yansuku zonke? Umndeni ofanelekayo awukho, ngisho nengane efanelekile ngaleyo ndaba. Kodwa okuqinisekileyo ukuthi umzali kufanele ahlale eyinsika, isithenjwa somuntu omusha ekwakheni.

Umntwana akayena umuntu omdala, ungumuntu omdala ekwenzeni, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke ikusasa intsha ! Isikhathi sokuthomba sivame ukuba yisikhathi somzwelo onamandla, kubazali nasenganeni. Imithetho etholwe kuze kube manje izovivinywa futhi! Ngakho-ke banentshisekelo yokuba qinile futhi bagayeke ... Abazali kufanele bakwazi ukudlulisela enganeni yabo uthando nenhlonipho enkulu njengoba benemithetho ukuze bafinyelele lesi sikhathi soshintsho nempilo yabantu abadala ebalindile.

Ngakho, yebo, singakusho: izingane ezinonya, sekwanele manje!

Amabhuku

"Kusukela enganeni inkosi kuya kumdlwembe wengane", uDidier Pleux (Odile Jacob)

“Bantabami, angeke ngiphinde!” , Christiane Olivier (Albin Michel)

"Igunya lichazelwe abazali", nguClaude HALMOS (Nil Editions)