Okuqukethwe
Njengogogo noma umkhulu osanda kwenziwa, ungase uthole ngokucasuka ukuthi izinto eziningi zingaphezu kwamandla akho. Kodwa ukuthi uzijwayeza kanjani endimeni yakho entsha kanye nochungechunge lomyalo kuzonquma okuqukethwe kwekusasa kwalesi sahluko esingaba mnandi sempilo yakho. Ukuthi ubazi kahle kangakanani ubuciko bokuba ugogo nomkhulu kuncike kakhulu empilweni engokwengqondo yabazukulu bakho nokuthi baba ngabantu abanjani.
1. Xazulula izingxabano ezedlule
Ukuze uphumelele endimeni yakho entsha, udinga ukuvala isikhala, uxazulule izinkinga zobudlelwane nezingane zakho, futhi ukhiphe imizwa engemihle okungenzeka ukuthi ibilokhu ikhula eminyakeni edlule.
Cabanga ngazo zonke izimangalo, ubandlululo, ukuhlaselwa komhawu. Akukephuzi kakhulu ukuzama ukuxazulula izingxabano zesikhathi esidlule, kusukela ekungavumelani okuyisisekelo kuye ekungaqondini okulula. Umgomo wakho uwukuthula okungapheli. Kungale ndlela kuphela ungaba yingxenye yokuphila komzukulu wakho, futhi lapho ekhula, ubeke isibonelo sobuhlobo obuhle phakathi kwabathandekayo.
“Umalokazana wami wayehlale engibekela imithetho eminingi,” kukhumbula uMaria oneminyaka engu-53 ubudala. “Singicasulile isimo sakhe sengqondo. Kwabe sekuqhamuka umzukulu wami. Ngesikhathi sokuqala ngimbamba ezingalweni zami, ngangazi ukuthi kufanele ngenze ukukhetha. Manje ngimoyizela umakoti noma ngingavumi ngoba angifuni abe nesizathu sokungiqhelelanisa nomzukulu wakhe. Wayecishe abe neminyaka emithathu ubudala lapho sisukuma endlini engaphansi futhi kungazelelwe wangibamba isandla. “Angikubambi isandla sakho ngoba ngisidinga,” esho ngokuziqhenya, “kodwa ngoba ngikuthanda.” Izikhathi ezinjengalezi zikufanele ukuziluma ulimi.”
2. Hlonipha imithetho yezingane zakho
Ukufika komntwana kushintsha yonke into. Kungase kube nzima ukuhambisana neqiniso lokuthi manje kufanele udlale ngemithetho yezingane zakho (nomalokazana noma umkhwenyana), kodwa isikhundla sakho esisha sisho ukuthi ulandele isibonelo sabo. Ngisho noma umzukulu wakho ekuvakashele, akufanele uziphathe ngendlela ehlukile. Izingane zakho nabalingani bazo banombono wabo, umbono wabo, uhlelo kanye nesitayela sokukhulisa izingane. Mababeke imingcele yabo emntwaneni.
Ukuba umzali ekhulwini lesi-XNUMX kuhlukile kulokho okwakuyikho esizukulwaneni esidlule. Abazali besimanje badonsa ulwazi ku-inthanethi, izinkundla zokuxhumana kanye nezinkundla. Iseluleko sakho singase sibonakale siyisidala, futhi mhlawumbe sinjalo. Ogogo nomkhulu abahlakaniphile benza ngokucophelela nangokucophelela babonise inhlonipho ngemibono emisha, abangayijwayele.
Vumela abazali abasha bazi ukuthi uyabona ukuthi bethuke kangakanani njengamanje, ukuthi bakhathele kangakanani, nokuthi noma yimuphi umzali omusha okhathazekile uzizwa ngendlela efanayo. Yiba nomusa, vumela ukuba khona kwakho kubasize bakhululeke kancane. Lokhu kuzothinta ingane, nayo ezothula. Khumbula ukuthi umzukulu wakho uhlala ephumelela ekuziphatheni kwakho.
3. Ungavumeli ukuzazisa kwakho kukuphazamise
Siphatheka kabi uma amazwi ethu engasaqinile njengakuqala, kodwa lokho esikulindele kudingeka kulungiswe. Lapho (futhi uma) unikeza iseluleko, ungasiphusheli. Okungcono, linda ukubuzwa.
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi lapho ogogo nomkhulu bebamba umzukulu wabo okokuqala, bakhungathekiswa “ihomoni yothando” i-oxytocin. Izinqubo ezifanayo zenzeka emzimbeni kamama osemusha oncelisayo. Lokhu kusikisela ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho nomzukulu wakho bubaluleke kakhulu. Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uqonde ukuthi usuyisikhulu esiphezulu, hhayi isigungu esiphezulu. Kumele ukwamukele ngoba abazukulu bayakudinga.
Abamele isizukulwane esidala banikeza ukuxhumana nesikhathi esedlule futhi basize ekulolongeni ubuntu bomzukulu.
Ucwaningo olwenziwa eNyuvesi yase-Oxford luthole ukuthi izingane ezikhuliswa ogogo nomkhulu zivame ukujabula. Ngaphezu kwalokho, babhekana kalula nemiphumela yezenzakalo ezinzima ezifana nokuhlukana kwabazali nokugula. Futhi, abameleli besizukulwane esidala banikeza isixhumanisi nesikhathi esedlule futhi basize ekubumbeni ubuntu bomzukulu.
U-Lisa wayeyindodakazi yokuqala yabameli ababili abaphumelele futhi ngenxa yalokho abamatasa kakhulu. Abazalwane abadala bayigcona bayilulaza kakhulu le ntombazane yaze yancama ukufunda noma yini. “Ugogo wangisindisa,” yavuma le ntombazane kusasele isonto ukuthi ithole iziqu zayo zobudokotela. “Wayehlala nami phansi amahora amaningi sidlale imidlalo engingakaze ngizame ukuyifunda. Ngangicabanga ukuthi ngiyisilima kakhulu kulokhu, kodwa wayenesineke, wangikhuthaza, futhi ngangingasabi ukufunda okuthile okusha. Ngaqala ukukholelwa kimina ngoba ugogo wangitshela ukuthi ngingazuza noma yini uma ngizama.”
Ukuzivumelanisa nendima engavamile kagogo nomkhulu akulula, ngezinye izikhathi akujabulisi, kodwa kuwufanele umzamo ngaso sonke isikhathi!
Umbhali: Leslie Schweitzer-Miller, udokotela wezifo zengqondo kanye nochwepheshe bengqondo.