Kwabanye abantu, inqubo yokucabanga ezenzakalelayo iyaphazamiseka, noma kunalokho, inqubo eyengeziwe ivulwa ngokuhambisana nayo, futhi umuntu ngokuzumayo ubheka iqiniso elizungezile futhi aqale ukuzibuza: “Ingabe ngiqinisile? Ngiyakuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani? Ingabe yonke into engizungezile isindala ngempela? Ngikuphi? Ngingubani? Futhi ungubani?" Futhi uqala - ngentshisekelo, ilukuluku, intshiseko nokukhuthala - uqala ukucabanga.
Yini evula lokhu «ngokungazelelwe» eqala ikhanda, eqala ukucabanga? Vumela? Kuyenzeka. Futhi kwenzeka ukuthi ayiqalisi ... Noma, mhlawumbe, akukhona ukuthi "yini" eqalayo, kodwa "ubani"? Futhi-ke ubani lo - ubani?
Okungenani kwabanye abantu, lokhu kuvula lapho beqala ukubhekana nento ethile ngokwabo, okuhle kunakho konke - bayaphazamiseka kubo futhi bashintshe ukunaka kwabo kubantu ababazungezile.
U-NV utshela uZhutikova:
Kukhona uhlobo losizo lwezengqondo, akulula, kodwa olubongayo, oluhloselwe ukuthuthukisa okungenani ukulawula ukubhalisa. Lokhu kunomthelela ekuthuthukisweni kokuziqonda nokunaka kwabanye abantu, futhi kungasiza ekuhlelweni kabusha kwezinhloso zokuziphatha. Phakathi nalo msebenzi, ukuzicabangela kanye negciwane elingokomoya kuyavuswa.
Akukhona okokuqala u-Vera K. eza kithi: usezame ukuzibulala izikhathi ezinhlanu. Kulokhu udle inqwaba yamaphilisi okulala, amletha kithina ngemuva kokuhlala isikhathi eside egunjini labagula kakhulu. Udokotela wezengqondo umthumele kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ukuze ahlole ubuntu bakhe: uma uVera ephilile ngokwengqondo, pho kungani ezama ukuzibulala? (Okwesihlanu!)
UFaith uneminyaka engu-25. Uthole iziqu esikoleni sokufundisa futhi usebenza njengothisha enkulisa. Izingane ezimbili. Uhlukanisile nomyeni wakhe. Ukubukeka kwakhe kungase kube umona womlingisi wefilimu: isakhiwo esihle, izici ezinhle, amehlo amakhulu ... Kumanje nje akalungile ngandlela thile. Umbono wobudlabha uvela ezinweleni ezinyakazekile, emehlweni apendwe ngokunganaki, engutsheni yokugqoka edatshulwe kumthungo.
Ngiyibona njengesithombe. Akumkhathazi nakancane. Athule anganyakazi abuke ndawana thize esikhaleni. Ukuma kwakhe konke kuveza ukuzola kokunganaki. Ngokubukeka - akukho nokuncane kokuncane okuncane komcabango! Ukuhlanya okufakwe...
Ngimdonsela engxoxweni kancane kancane, nginqoba inertia yokuthula kwakhe okungacabangeli. Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthintwa: ungowesifazane, umama, indodakazi yabazali bakhe, uthisha - ungathola okuthile ongakhuluma ngakho. Uphendula nje—ngokushesha, ngokusemthethweni, ngokumamatheka okukha phezulu. Ngokunjalo ukhuluma ngendlela agwinye ngayo amaphilisi. Kuvela ukuthi uhlala esabela ngokungacabangi kukho konke okungamjabulisi: noma uthethisa umenzi wobubi ukuze ambaleke, noma, uma umenzi "ethatha", okwenzeka kancane, ubamba izingane. , aziyise kunina, azivalele futhi… azame ukulala unomphela.
Ngingavusa kanjani kuye okungenani umuzwa omuhle, ukuze kube khona okuthile okunamathela emicabangweni? Nginxusa imizwa yakhe yomama, ngibuza ngamadodakazi akhe. Ubuso bakhe buvele bufudumale. Kuvele ukuthi wathatha amadodakazi akhe wawayisa kunina ukuze angawalimazi, angawesabi.
“Wake wacabanga ukuthi ngabe kwenzekani kubo ukube awusindiswanga?”
Cha, akazange acabange ngakho.
“Kwaba nzima kimina kangangokuthi angizange ngicabange lutho.
Ngizama ukumyenga endabeni edlulisa ngokunembe kakhulu zonke izenzo zakhe ngesikhathi sobuthi, yonke imicabango yakhe, izithombe, imizwa, sonke isimo sangaphambilini. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngimdwebela isithombe sobuntandane bezingane zakhe (amadodakazi aneminyaka engu-3 no-2 ubudala), ngimlethela izinyembezi. Uyabathanda, kodwa akakaze azihluphe ngokucabanga ngekusasa labo!
Ngakho-ke, ukungacabangeli, ukusabela okungokomzwelo kuphela ebunzimeni bengqondo nokubushiya (ngisho nokufa, uma nje uhamba), ukungabi nangokomoya okuphelele nokungacabangi - lezi yizizathu zokuzama ukuzibulala okuphindaphindiwe kukaVera.
Ngimdedele aye emnyangweni, ngimyalele ukuthi ayihlole, akhumbule futhi angitshele ukuthi yimuphi owesifazane wewadi yakhe onobungani nobani, yini ebahlanganisayo. Yimuphi kubahlengikazi nabahlengikazi abakhanga kakhulu kuye futhi kunabo, futhi ubani omncane futhi, futhi, kunabo. Ezivivinyweni ezinjalo, sithuthukisa ikhono lakhe lokuqaphela nokulungisa enkumbulo yakhe imicabango, izithombe, ukuthambekela kwakhe phakathi nezigameko ezinabantu abangamjabulisi kakhulu. Ukholo luya ngokuya luphila. Unentshisekelo. Futhi lapho ekwazi ukuzikhuthaza - ngokuqaphela! - enikezwe imizwa engokomzimba, kusukela ebunzimeni kuye ekungabi nasisindo, wayekholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka akwazi ukulawula imizwa yakhe emhlabeni.
Manje usethole imisebenzi yalolu hlobo: ezimeni eziholela ekuxabaneni nomhlengikazi onolaka, ukuze afinyelele ithuba lokuthi "umkhononda omdala" aneliseke noVera, okungukuthi uVera kumele alawule isimo ukuze athuthukise isizinda sakhe esingokomzwelo. nomphumela wakhe. Yeka ukumangala okujabulisayo eza kimi egijima ezongitshela: “Kusebenzile!”
- Kwenzekile! Wangitshela. “Dada, uyabona ukuthi uyintombazane elungile, kodwa ubuzikhohlisa ngani?”
UVera weza kimi ngisho sengiphumile esibhedlela. Ngolunye usuku wathi: “Bengingaphila kanjani ngaphandle kokucabanga? Njengasephusheni! Kuyamangaza. Manje ngiyahamba, ngiyezwa, ngiyaqonda, ngiyakwazi ukuzibamba ... Kwesinye isikhathi ngiyaphuka, kodwa okungenani uma ngibheka emuva ngicabanga ukuthi kungani ngephuka. Futhi ngingafa ngingazi ukuthi abantu baphila kanjani! Ukuphila kanjani! Yeka ukwesaba! Ngeke kuphinde kwenzeke…”
Iminyaka idlulile. Manje ungomunye wothisha abathakazelisa kakhulu nabathandekayo bolimi lwesiRashiya nezincwadi kwesinye sezikole zasemaphandleni. Ezifundweni zakhe ufundisa ukucabanga...