Ngokuvamile kwenzeka ukuthi umuntu uyashada futhi ngokushesha uyaqaphela ukuthi oshade naye noma umngane womshado uqala ukumcasula - yebo, hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi, kodwa kaningi kunalokho ayekulindele. Ezinganekwaneni nasezincwadini zothando, ukuphila emshadweni kulula futhi akunandaba, futhi injabulo iyaqhubeka phakade, ngaphandle komzamo. Kungani lokhu kungenzeki empilweni yangempela?
URabi uJosef Richards encokola wanikeza umbono wakhe wokuphila komshado: “Abantu bayasicasula. Thola umuntu ongakucasula kancane bese ushada."
Umshado ojabulisayo unikeza umuzwa wenduduzo nokulondeka, ubulili, ubungane, ukusekelwa, nomuzwa wokuphelela. Kubalulekile ukuthi ungangeni ogibeni lokukholelwa emfanekisweni womshado ogqugquzelwa izinganekwane, amafilimu othando, namanoveli othando. Ukulindela okungenangqondo kusenza sizizwe sishiywe dengwane.
Ukuze wazise zonke izimfanelo ezinhle zomngane wakho womshado futhi ufunde ukwazisa umshado, kuyodingeka wehle ezulwini uze emhlabeni. Nali ishadi elingasiza ekuguquleni imibono engelona iqiniso ngomshado nokuqinisa ubudlelwano.
Yini okufanele uyilindele ekuphileni komshado?
Izethulo ezingenangqondo
- Ukushintshela ekuphileni komshado kuyoba lula futhi kungabi nabuhlungu.
- Ngeke ngiphinde ngibe nesizungu ( lonely)
- Ngeke ngiphinde ngibe nesithukuthezi.
- Asisoze saxabana.
- Yena (yena) uzoshintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kanye ngendlela engifuna ngayo.
- Yena (yena) uyohlale eqonda ngaphandle kwamagama lokho engikufunayo nalokho engikudingayo.
- Emshadweni, yonke into kufanele ihlukaniswe ngokulinganayo.
- Uzokwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya ngendlela engifuna ngayo.
- Ucansi luyohlala lumnandi.
Imibono Engokoqobo
- Ukushada kusho ushintsho olukhulu ekuphileni. Kuzothatha isikhathi ukujwayela ukuhlala ndawonye nendima entsha yendoda noma inkosikazi.
- Umuntu oyedwa akakwazi ukwanelisa zonke izidingo zakho zokuxhumana. Kubalulekile ukulondoloza ubuhlobo obunobungane nabanye.
- Wena, hhayi owakwakho, ophethe izinto ozilibazisayo nokuzijabulisa.
- Kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuseduze, izingxabano azinakugwenywa. Ungafunda kuphela ukuthi ungazixazulula kanjani ngempumelelo.
- "Uthola lokho okubonayo." Akufanele uthembe ukuthi uzokwazi ukushintsha imikhuba yakudala noma izici eziyisisekelo zomlingani womshado.
- Oshade naye akakwazi ukufunda izingqondo. Uma ufuna ukuba aqonde okuthile, khuluma ngokuqondile.
- Kubalulekile ukukwazi ukupha nokwamukela ngokubonga, futhi ungazami ukwabelana ngakho konke "ngobuqotho" emininingwaneni emincane kakhulu.
- Ngokunokwenzeka, oshade naye unemikhuba nemicabango yakhe mayelana nemisebenzi yasekhaya. Kungcono ukwamukele nje.
- Ubulili obuhle bubalulekile emshadweni, kodwa akufanele ulindele okuthile okumangalisayo phakathi nakho konke ukusondelana. Okuningi kuncike ekhonweni labashadile lokukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngalesi sihloko.
Uma wabelana nganoma yikuphi ukubukwa okusohlwini engxenyeni engelona iqiniso yethebula, awuwedwa - imibono enjalo ivamile. Emsebenzini wami we-psychotherapeutic, ngivame ukubona umonakalo abawenzayo ekuphileni komkhaya. Ngiphinde ngibone indlela ubuhlobo obuthuthuka ngayo phakathi kwabangane bomshado lapho behla ezulwini beza emhlabeni, belahla amathemba angenakwenzeka, futhi beqala ukuphathana ngokubekezelelana.
Umqondo wokuthi abantu abashadile kufanele baqondane ngaphandle kokukhuluma uyingozi kakhulu. Lokhu kuvame ukuphumela ekungaqondisani kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu.
Ngokwesibonelo, inkosikazi iyacabanga: “Kungani engenzi engingathanda (noma engayiqondi imizwa yami). Akumele ngimchazele, kumele akuqonde konke yena.” Ngenxa yalokho, owesifazane, ekhungathekile ukuthi umlingani wakhe akakwazi ukuqagela ukuthi yini ayidingayo, ukhipha ukunganeliseki kwakhe kuye - isibonelo, uyaziba noma wenqaba ucansi.
Noma indoda ethukuthelele umlingani wayo iqala ukuthukuthela ihambe. Amagqubu aqongelela futhi abhidlize ubudlelwano.
Ngokutshela umlingani wethu ngokuqondile ngemizwa yethu, esikufunayo kanye nezidingo, sithuthukisa ukuqondana futhi siqinise ubuhlobo bethu.
Kwenzekani uma inkosikazi iqaphela ukuthi umyeni wayo akakwazi ukufunda izingqondo? “Uma ngifuna aqonde lokho engikucabangayo nokuzizwayo nalokho engikudingayo, kuzodingeka ngimtshele,” uyaqaphela futhi uzomchazela yonke into ngokucacile, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ngobumnene.
Ngokushintsha imibono engenangqondo ngomshado sifake enengqondo ngokwengeziwe, sifunda ukubekezelela umlingani wethu wokuphila (noma umlingani) nokwenza umshado wethu uqine futhi ujabule.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: UMarcia Naomi Berger ungumelaphi womndeni.