Okuqukethwe
Uthando ludlala indima enkulu empilweni yethu. Futhi ngamunye wethu uphupha ngokuthola okufanelekile. Kodwa ingabe lukhona uthando oluphelele? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRobert Sternberg ukholelwa ukuthi yebo nokuthi iqukethe izingxenye ezintathu: ukusondelana, inkanuko, ukunamathela. Ngombono wakhe, uchaza indlela yokufinyelela ubuhlobo obuhle.
Isayensi izama ukuchaza umsuka wothando ngokusabela kwamakhemikhali ebuchosheni. Kuwebhusayithi yesazi sesayensi yezinto eziphilayo saseMelika uHelen Fisher (helenfisher.com), ungakwazi ukujwayelana nemiphumela yocwaningo ngothando lwezothando ngokombono we-biochemistry, physiology, neuroscience kanye nethiyori yokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Ngakho-ke, kuyaziwa ukuthi ukungena othandweni kunciphisa izinga le-serotonin, okuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wokuthi "ukulangazelela uthando", futhi kwandisa izinga le-cortisol (i-hormone yokucindezeleka), okusenza sihlale sikhathazekile futhi sijabule.
Kodwa kuphumaphi ukuzethemba kithi kokuthi umuzwa esinawo uwuthando? Lokhu namanje akwaziwa ososayensi.
Imikhomo emithathu
“Uthando ludlala indima enkulu empilweni yethu kangangoba ukungalufundisi kufana nokungaqapheli okusobala,” kugcizelela uRobert Sternberg, oyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo eYale University (USA).
Yena ngokwakhe wafinyelela esifundweni sobudlelwano bothando futhi, ngokusekelwe ocwaningweni lwakhe, wakha ithiyori yothando engunxantathu (izingxenye ezintathu). Ithiyori kaRobert Sternberg ichaza indlela esisithanda ngayo nendlela abanye abasithanda ngayo. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sihlonza izingxenye ezintathu eziyinhloko zothando: ukusondelana, uthando nothando.
Ukusondelana kusho ukuqondana, uthando ludalwa ukukhangwa ngokomzimba, futhi ukunamathelana kuvela esifisweni sokwenza ubuhlobo bube isikhathi eside.
Uma uhlola uthando lwakho ngokwalezi zindlela, uzokwazi ukuqonda ukuthi yini evimbela ubudlelwano bakho ukuthi buthuthuke. Ukufeza uthando oluphelele, kubalulekile ukuthi ungazizwa nje kuphela, kodwa futhi wenze. Ungasho ukuthi ubhekene nothando, kodwa luzibonakalisa kanjani? “Nginomngani ogulayo unkosikazi. Uhlala ekhuluma ngokuthi umthanda kangakanani, kodwa cishe akwenzeki kuye, kusho uRobert Sternberg. “Kufanele ukhombise uthando lwakho, ungagcini nje ngokukhuluma ngalo.
Yazana
“Kaningi asiqondi ukuthi sithanda kanjani ngempela, kusho uRobert Sternberg. Ucele imibhangqwana ukuthi izitshele ngabo - futhi ezimweni eziningi wathola umehluko phakathi kwendaba neqiniso. Ngokwesibonelo, abaningi babephikelela ngokuthi balwela ukusondelana, kodwa ebudlelwaneni babo babonisa izinto eziza kuqala ezihluke ngokuphelele. Ukuze uthuthukise ubudlelwano, kufanele uqale ubaqonde.
Imvamisa abalingani banezinhlobo zothando ezingahlangani, futhi abazi ngisho nalo. Isizathu siwukuthi uma sihlangana okokuqala, sivame ukunaka ukuthi yini esihlanganisayo, hhayi ukungezwani. Kamuva, umbhangqwana uba nezinkinga okunzima kakhulu ukuzixazulula, naphezu kwamandla obuhlobo.
U-Anastasia oneminyaka engu-38 uthi: “Lapho ngisemncane ngangifuna ubuhlobo obuqinile. Kodwa konke kwashintsha lapho ngihlangana nomyeni wami wesikhathi esizayo. Saxoxa kakhulu ngezinhlelo zethu, mayelana nalokho sobabili esasikulindele ekuphileni na komunye nomunye. Uthando seluyinto engokoqobo kimi, hhayi iphupho lothando."
Uma singakwazi ukuthanda kokubili ngekhanda nangenhliziyo, maningi amathuba okuba sibe nobuhlobo obuhlala njalo. Uma siqonda ngokucacile ukuthi yiziphi izingxenye zothando lwethu, lokhu kusinika ithuba lokuqonda ukuthi yini esixhumanisa nomunye umuntu, nokwenza lokhu kuxhumana kuqine futhi kujule.
Yenza, ungakhulumi
Ozakwethu kufanele baxoxe njalo ngobudlelwano babo ukuze babone izinkinga ngokushesha. Ake sithi kanye ngenyanga sixoxe ngezinto ezibalulekile. Lokhu kunikeza ozakwethu ithuba lokusondelana, ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze kakhudlwana. “Imibhangqwana eba nemihlangano enjalo njalo ayinazo izinkinga, njengoba ixazulula ngokushesha zonke izinkinga. Bafunda ukuthanda ngamakhanda nezinhliziyo zabo.”
Lapho u-Oleg oneminyaka engu-42 noKarina oneminyaka engu-37 behlangana, ubuhlobo babo bagcwala intshiseko. Babethola ukukhangana okuqinile ngokomzimba futhi ngenxa yalokho babezibheka njengemimoya eyizihlobo. Ukuthi babone ukuqhubeka kobudlelwano ngezindlela ezahlukene kubamangaze. Baye eholidini eziqhingini, lapho u-Oleg ehlongoza uKarina. Wamthatha njengokubonakaliswa okuphezulu kakhulu kothando - kwakuyilokho ayekuphupha. Kodwa ku-Oleg kwakuyisenzo sothando nje. “Akazange abheke umshado njengokubonakaliswa kothando lweqiniso, manje uKarina ukwazi kahle lokhu. - Lapho sibuyela ekhaya, umbuzo womshado awuzange uvele. U-Oleg uvele wenza nje ngaleso sikhathi.”
U-Oleg noKarina bazama ukulungisa ukungezwani kwabo ngosizo lomelaphi womkhaya. UKarina uthi: “Lena akuyona neze into ofuna ukuyenza lapho uthembisene umshado. Kodwa ngosuku lomshado wethu, sasazi ukuthi sasicabangisise kahle wonke amazwi esasiwasho. Ubudlelwano bethu busagcwele uthando. Futhi manje ngiyazi ukuthi sekuyisikhathi eside. "