Okuqukethwe
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sibadala kangakanani, ukushona kukababa noma umama kuhlale kubangela ubuhlungu obukhulu. Kwesinye isikhathi ukulila kudonsa izinyanga neminyaka, kuphenduke isifo esibi. Udokotela wengqondo yokuhlunyeleliswa uDavid Sack ukhuluma ngosizo oludingayo ukuze ubuyele empilweni eyanelisayo.
Ngaba yintandane ngineminyaka engu-52. Nakuba ngangimdala futhi nginolwazi lomsebenzi, ukushona kukababa kwashintsha ukuphila kwami. Bathi kufana nokulahlekelwa ingxenye yakho. Kodwa ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ihange lokuzazi kwami lalinqanyuliwe.
Ukushaqeka, ukuba ndikindiki, ukuphika, intukuthelo, ukudabuka, nokuphelelwa ithemba izinhlobonhlobo zemizwa abantu ababhekana nayo lapho beshonelwa. Le mizwa ayisishiyi izinyanga eziningi ezengeziwe. Kwabaningi, zivela ngaphandle kokulandelana okuthile, zilahlekelwa ukubukhali kwazo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kodwa inkungu yami ayizange iphele isikhathi esingaphezu kwesigamu sonyaka.
Inqubo yokulila ithatha isikhathi, futhi labo abasizungezile ngezinye izikhathi babonisa ukuntula isineke — bafuna sibe ngcono ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Kodwa othile uyaqhubeka ehlangabezana nale mizwa iminyaka eminingi ngemva kokulahlekelwa. Lokhu kuzila okuqhubekayo kungaba nomthelela wokuqonda, wenhlalo, wamasiko, nowomoya.
Usizi, umlutha kanye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukushonelwa umzali kungandisa ingozi yezinkinga zesikhathi eside ezingokomzwelo nezingokwengqondo ezinjengokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nokuluthwa izidakamizwa.
Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi ezimweni lapho umuntu engakutholi ukusekelwa okuphelele phakathi nenkathi yokushonelwa futhi engabatholi abazali bokutholwa abaphelele uma izihlobo zisheshe zafa. Ukushona kukababa noma umama ebuntwaneni kwandisa kakhulu amathuba okuba nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo. Cishe ingane eyodwa kwezingama-20 ezingaphansi kweminyaka engu-15 ithintwa ukulahlekelwa umzali oyedwa noma bobabili.
Amadodana ashonelwe oyise abhekana nobunzima obukhulu kunamadodakazi, futhi abesifazane babhekana nobunzima bokushonelwa omama.
Esinye isici esibalulekile ekuveleni kwemiphumela enjalo izinga lokusondelana kwengane nomzali oshonile kanye nesilinganiso somphumela wesigameko esibuhlungu kuyo yonke impilo yayo yekusasa. Futhi lokhu akusho nakancane ukuthi abantu kulula ukuzwa ukulahlekelwa ngumuntu abebengasondelene kakhulu naye. Ngingasho ngokuqiniseka ukuthi kulokhu, isipiliyoni sokulahlekelwa singajula nakakhulu.
Imiphumela yesikhathi eside yokushonelwa umzali iye yaphenywa ngokuphindaphindiwe. Kwavela ukuthi lokhu kuthinta kokubili impilo yengqondo neyomzimba, kanti lokhu okulandelayo kuvame ukubonakaliswa emadodeni. Ngaphezu kwalokho, amadodana ashonelwe oyise kunzima kakhulu ukuzwa ukulahlekelwa kunamadodakazi, futhi abesifazane bakuthola kunzima ukubuyisana nokufa komama.
Isikhathi sokucela usizo
Ucwaningo ngemfundiso yokulahlekelwa luye lwasiza ekuqondeni indlela yokusiza abantu abahlukunyezwe ukushona kwabazali babo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukugxila ezintweni zomuntu siqu kanye nekhono lakhe lokuziphilisa. Kubalulekile ukuthi izihlobo ezibalulekile namalungu omndeni bamnikeze usizo oluphelele. Uma umuntu ebhekene nosizi oluyinkimbinkimbi oluhlala isikhathi eside ngemva kokushona kothandekayo, kungase kudingeke izinyathelo ezengeziwe kanye nokuhlolwa kwempilo yengqondo.
Ngamunye wethu ubhekana nokulahlekelwa abathandekayo ngendlela yakhe nangejubane lethu, futhi kungaba nzima kakhulu ukubona ukuthi yisiphi isigaba sokudabuka esiphenduka isifo esiyinkimbinkimbi esingapheli. Ifomu elinjalo elide - usizi lwe-pathological - ngokuvamile luhambisana nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu okuhlala isikhathi eside, futhi kubonakala sengathi umuntu akakwazi ukwamukela ukulahlekelwa futhi aqhubekele ngisho nezinyanga neminyaka ngemva kokushona kothandekayo.
Indlela yokuvuselela
Izigaba zokululama ngemva kokushona komzali zihlanganisa isigaba esibalulekile lapho sivumela khona ukuzwa ubuhlungu bokulahlekelwa. Lokhu kusisiza ukuthi kancane kancane siqale ukuqaphela okwenzekile futhi siqhubekele phambili. Njengoba siphulukisa, siphinde sibe nekhono lokujabulela ubuhlobo bethu nabanye. Kodwa uma siqhubeka nokukhathazeka futhi sisabela ngokweqile kunoma yiziphi izikhumbuzo zesikhathi esidlule, usizo lochwepheshe luyadingeka.
Ukuxhumana nochwepheshe kuyasekela futhi kusiza ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngokudabuka, ukukhungatheka noma intukuthelo, ifunda ukubhekana nale mizwa futhi ivele ivumele ukuba ibonakale. Ukwelulekwa komkhaya kungase kube usizo kulesi simo.
Kuba lula ngathi ukuphila nokudedela usizi uma singayifihli imizwa, imicabango nezinkumbulo.
Ukushona komzali kungabuyisa ubuhlungu obudala nokucasuka futhi kube nomthelela omkhulu ezinqubweni zesistimu yomndeni. Umelaphi womndeni usiza ukuhlukanisa izingxabano ezindala nezintsha, ubonisa izindlela ezakhayo zokuziqeda nokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo. Ungathola neqembu elifanele lokusekela elingakusiza uzizwe ungakhululekile osizini lwakho.
Usizi oluhlala isikhathi eside luvame ukuholela "ekuziphuzeni" ngosizo lotshwala noma izidakamizwa. Kulokhu, zombili izinkinga kufanele zixazululwe kanye kanye futhi zidinga ukuvuselelwa okuphindwe kabili ezikhungweni nemitholampilo efanele.
Futhi ekugcineni, ukuzinakekela kungenye ingxenye ebalulekile yokululama. Kuba lula ngathi ukuphila nokudedela usizi uma singayifihli imizwa, imicabango nezinkumbulo. Ukudla okunempilo, ukulala kahle, ukuzivocavoca kanye nesikhathi esanele sokulila nokuphumula yilokho okudingwa yiwo wonke umuntu esimweni esinjalo. Kudingeka sifunde ukuzibekezelela thina kanye nalabo abasizungezile abasosizini. Uhambo lomuntu siqu, kodwa akufanele uhambe wedwa.
Umbhali nguDavid Sack, udokotela wengqondo, udokotela oyinhloko wenethiwekhi yezikhungo zokuhlunyeleliswa kwezidakwa kanye nemilutha yezidakamizwa.