Ingabe uvame ukuzwa sengathi izimo ezifanayo ezingemnandi ziyaphindwa empilweni yakho? Ebudlelwaneni bomndeni, ubungane, umsebenzi. Kungenzeka ukuthi izindaba ezibuhlungu zesikhathi esedlule zakha la maphethini angemuhle. Futhi kukhona indlela esiza ukuzishintsha. Kuyini okungavamile, kusho i-scheme-therapist u-Alexandra Yaltonskaya.
Ukwelashwa kwe-schema eRussia kuyindlela entsha uma kuqhathaniswa. Ikhule iphuma ekwelashweni kokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT), kodwa incike emfundisweni yokunamathisela, i-development psychology, i-Gestalt therapy, i-psychodrama kanye nokuhlaziywa kohwebo.
Indlela yavela lapho ochwepheshe bezama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani izindlela ze-CBT zisebenza kahle ku-70% walabo abaphethwe ukucindezeleka, hhayi ku-30%. Bembula into evamile eyahlanganisa izigceme "ezigangile". Lokhu ukucabanga okumnyama nokumhlophe okuqinile okunzima ukukushintsha ngaphansi kwethonya lamasu e-CBT.
Iklayenti elinalo mqondo «liyazi ukuthi alilibi», kodwa liyaqhubeka «lizizwa» ngaleyo ndlela. Kuvame kakhulu kulabo abahlangabezane nezenzakalo ezibuhlungu noma ebuntwaneni obunzima.
I-Psychology: Kusho ukuthini "ubuntwana obunzima"?
U-Alexandra Yaltonskaya: Ngokwesibonelo, abazange bamthathe, babonise imfudumalo, ukukhathalela, ukumncoma kancane noma ngokuvamile ukumthethisa, bengadlali naye. Noma abazali babematasa kakhulu ngokusinda, njengabaningi kuma-90s, futhi ingane yakhula yodwa. Noma wahlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, ngokobulili noma ngokomzwelo.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, ngokuvamile kwakhiwa imibono eqinile ngawe, ngabanye kanye nomhlaba, okuba izici zobuntu, uhlamvu. Ngezinye izikhathi lezi zici aziphazamisi, kodwa ngokuvamile zikhawulela noma zibangele ubuhlungu bengqondo. Ukwelashwa kwe-schema kusebenza kahle ngisho nalapho ezinye izindlela zehlulekile. Isibonelo, ngezinkinga ezinzima zobuntu: umngcele, i-narcissistic, antisocial.
E-Holland, indlela isetshenziswa emajele. I-Forte yethu isebenza ngamaphethini wesimo.
Yimaphi amaphethini obhekisela kuwo?
Ngokwesibonelo, owesifazane washada izikhathi eziningana futhi isikhathi ngasinye wakhetha umngane womshado obandayo, oqhelelene naye angajabulile. Noma umfakisicelo onekhono uthola umsebenzi omuhle njalo, futhi ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha ulahlekelwa yiwo ngenxa yokungaphenduli kahle ekucindezelekeni: uvula amasu okuzivikela aguquguqukayo agxilile ngenxa yesikhathi esidlule esingesihle.
Singasho ukuthi i-schema therapy iwukwelapha umlingiswa?
Angakwazi. Kuyasiza ukubhekana nalezo zici, ngenxa yazo esingakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuseduze, singalokothi senze izinguquko empilweni, noma simane singajabuli. Ubunzima obuveziwe ekulawuleni imizwa, ukulindela ukuphelela, ukuhlehlisa, ukungavikeleki, ukuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu - zonke lezi zimo zibhekwa njengesihloko somsebenzi we-schema therapist.
UJeffrey Young, umsunguli we-schema therapy, udale umqondo ohlanganisa izinkolelo-mbono eziningi futhi waba «ibhuloho» phakathi kwe-psychoanalysis kanye ne-CBT, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo unombono wawo we-psyche yabantu abangu-uXNUMXbuXNUMX kanye nesu lokusiza.
Izingane zidinga abazali bazo ukuba bazivumele ziphile ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwazo futhi zenze amaphutha. Futhi ngenkathi isekela
I-psyche yethu ihlelwe kanjani ekuchazeni ukwelashwa kwe-schema?
Sizalwa sinezici ezithile zebhayoloji, isimo sengqondo, ukuzwela. Futhi sonke sinezidingo eziyisisekelo ezingokomzwelo. Kusukela osukwini lokuqala lokuphila, sizithola sisendaweni - okokuqala singabazali, bese sisendaweni ebanzi - lapho izidingo zethu zifezwa khona noma cha. Ngesilinganiso esigcweleyo - ake sibe nobulungisa - bambalwa abantu abanelisekile ngabo. Kodwa kunezimo lapho zinyathelwa kancane futhi njalo.
Bese siba nemibono engemihle mayelana nendlela umhlaba osebenza ngayo, bese kwakheka isimiso sokuzivikela esisisiza ukuba siphile ngaphansi kwezimo zokushoda ngokomzwelo. Lezi zinkolelo—»izikimu zokucabanga» kanye namaphethini okuziphatha—ziyasiqinisa futhi zibe nomthelela empilweni yethu yonke. Futhi bavame ukuphazamisa ukwakha impilo ngendlela esingathanda ngayo, kanye nokujabula, kodwa ngaphandle kwalokho asazi ukuthi kanjani.
Ukufundisa ukuziphatha okusha kanye nobudlelwano nawe kanye nomhlaba kuwumsebenzi we-psychotherapy. Sisebenza ezingeni elijulile, futhi lokhu kuyinqubo yesikhathi eside.
Yiziphi izidingo ezingokomzwelo ozicabangela njengeziyisisekelo?
UGeoffrey Young uchaza amaqembu amahlanu amakhulu. Okokuqala ukunamathela okuphephile, uthando, ukunakekelwa, ukwamukelwa. Lesi isisekelo. Labo abancishwa kona bavame ukuhlakulela icebo lokukhubazeka: "Angifanelekele ukuthandwa, ngimubi." Umgxeki wangaphakathi umane ababhubhise ngazo zonke izizathu ezincane.
Isidingo sesibili siwukuveza imizwa yakho nezifiso zakho. Kwenzeka ukuthi izingane azinaso isikhathi sokukhala, njengoba ziphazamiseka ngokushesha. Noma bethi: “amantombazane awathukutheli”, “abafana abakhali”. Ingane iphetha ngokuthi: "imizwa yami ayibalulekile." Lapho ekhula, uyabafihlela abanye okuhlangenwe nakho noma angabanaki. Umbuzo othi "Ufunani?" kumdida. Kukhona okuningi «kufanele» in silulumagama sakhe.
Kungani kubi lokho?
Ukucindezelwa kwemizwelo nezifiso zethu kuyingozi: "ziyizibani zethu zethrafikhi" zangaphakathi, zibonisa lokho okubalulekile kithi, zixwayise ngosongo noma ukwephulwa kwemingcele. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzizwa uma kuziwa ezinqumweni ezinkulu.
Ngokwesibonelo, indoda ifuna ingane, kodwa owesifazane akayifuni. Uma elandela indlela yokuzidela, intukuthelo nomuzwa wecala umlindile. Imiphumela izoba mibi kuwo wonke umuntu.
Siyini isidingo esilandelayo?
Isidingo sesithathu esokuzibusa, ikhono, kanye nomuzwa wokuthi ungubani. Izingane zidinga abazali bazo ukuba bazivumele ziphile ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwazo futhi zenze amaphutha. Futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo basekela: “Ake sizame futhi. Ngikhona, qhubeka!»
Abantu abaningi bayakwazi ukusebenza, ukuphumelela, kodwa abakwazi ukuhleka nokudlala
Futhi yini ingozi lapha?
Uma ebuntwaneni sizungezwe ukuvikelwa ngokweqile, okungasivumeli ukuba senze ngokwethu, khona-ke sizoba nohlelo lokucabanga lokuhluleka: "Yini engingayenza?" Khona-ke sizokungabaza konke, kuzoba nzima ukuthi sithathe izinqumo ngaphandle kokubheka abanye.
Isidingo esilandelayo semingcele engokoqobo. Noma iyiphi ingane kufanele iqonde: ukulimaza abanye akulungile, awukwazi ukubuka amakhathuni ngokungapheli futhi udle ushokoledi ngaphandle komkhawulo.
Uma ingekho imingcele nemithetho, khona-ke uhlelo "lwelungelo / ubukhulu" noma "ukwephulwa kokuzithiba" lungase luvele. Lesi schema sisenhliziyweni ye-narcissistic pathology, nazo zonke izinkinga zayo.
Imfuneko yesihlanu isasele…
Ngokuzenzakalelayo nasekudlaleni. Phakathi kwamakhasimende ami, abaningi abazi ukuthi badlale kanjani futhi ngobuqotho, ebuntwaneni, bajabule. Bayakwazi ukusebenza, ukuphumelela nokusebenza kahle, kodwa abakwazi ukuhleka, ukudlala, ukuthuthukisa. Lapho umeluleki we-schema enikeza amaklayenti anjalo umsebenzi wokutshela abangani ihlaya, ukubukela ividiyo ehlekisayo nozakwethu, kunzima kubo.
Ingabe zikhona izikhathi lapho zonke izidingo ezinhlanu zingahlangabezwanga?
Ziyenzeka, futhi kaningi. Uma izidingo ezimbili zokuqala zinganelisekile, khona-ke bonke abanye, njengomthetho, bahamba nge-trailer. Kumuntu one-schema enesici (angithandeki), indlela yokubhekana nayo ukwenqaba ukuzwa, umkhuba wokuqeda ubuhlungu ngotshwala, izidakamizwa, ukusebenza kuze kube sekugcineni.
Ukuziphatha, imizwa, imicabango yawo wonke umuntu omdala ivela ebuntwaneni. Futhi thina, abelaphi be-schema, sixazulula le nkinga futhi sixazulula inkinga hhayi okwamanje, kodwa futhi emthonjeni wayo.
Kodwa ngeke sibuyele emuva silungise iqiniso lodlame...
Maye, asibona abathakathi futhi ngeke sibuyise ubaba ononya noma umama obandayo. Kodwa singashintsha lezo «zinhlelo» kanye nemilayezo iklayenti elake layithola. Ngakho-ke, uma ingane ishaywa, khona-ke uphetha ngokuthi: «Ngimubi, futhi akunangqondo ukuzivikela» - futhi njengomuntu omdala, ungena ebuhlotsheni lapho umlingani emshaya khona. Umsebenzi wethu uzomvumela ukuthi aqonde ukuthi akumfanele, ukuthi udlame alwamukelekile nokuthi angakwazi ukuzivikela.
Ingabe ikhona indlela «yobunikazi» yomthelela onjalo?
Yebo, kubizwa nge-rescripting. Ucwaningo lwe-Neuroscience lubonisa ukuthi lapho sibona i-apula langempela noma silicabanga, izindawo ezifanayo zobuchopho ziyasebenza. Ngakho-ke, ekubhaleni kabusha, siphendukela ezinkumbulo lapho iklayenti liyingane futhi lifuna, isibonelo, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, kodwa uyise wammisa: "Ukuhamba kuwumbhedo. Uzokhula uyisiphukuphuku, funda!
Uchwepheshe we-schema uthatha isikhundla esisebenzayo: "ungena" inkumbulo futhi uchazela ubaba ukuthi kubalulekile ukuthi ingane idlale futhi iphumule, icela ukunciphisa ingcindezi, ukuqaphela ukuhlukahluka kwezidingo. Futhi isebenza kuze kube yilapho Ingane Yangaphakathi yekhasimende elidala izwa ukuthi izidingo zayo ziyahlangatshezwa.
Ngezinye izikhathi umelaphi uthatha isinyathelo esiwujuqu, angase «athumele umhlukumezi ejele noma kwenye iplanethi» futhi «athathe ingane ayohlala endlini ephephile. Usebenza "njengomzali omuhle" ohlale esohlangothini lwengane.
Yile ndlela esifundisa ngayo iklayenti ukuthi umzali walo omuhle wangaphakathi kufanele abe kanjani, siqinise Umuntu Omdala onempilo, futhi ngenxa yalokho, iklayenti ngokwalo liba umuntu omdala onjalo okhathalelayo, osekelayo futhi owenza Ingane Yakhe Yangaphakathi ijabule.