Okuqukethwe
Kubonakala kwabaningi bethu ukuthi ngosuku lokuqala kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzibonakalisa kuyo yonke inkazimulo yayo, uphendukela ku-interlocutor ngohlangothi lwakho oluhle kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, ochwepheshe bayaqiniseka ukuthi into eyinhloko ukungafihli isithakazelo sakho kumlingani ongase abe khona. Lokhu kuzosenza sithandeke emehlweni akhe futhi kwandise namathuba omhlangano wesibili.
Usuku lwesibili, njengolokuqala, lwalumnandi. U-Anna wacela ukuya engadini yezitshalo - isimo sezulu sasingesihle kakhulu, kodwa intombazane yayingenandaba. Bekukuhle kakhulu ukuxhumana noMax: basuka kwesinye isihloko baya kwesinye, futhi wakuqonda kahle. Sixoxe ngezindaba, uchungechunge, okuthunyelwe okuhlekisayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Futhi-ke bavalelisa, futhi u-Ana wethuka: wayekhuluma ngokungagwegwesi, evuleke kakhulu. Futhi ngokusobala wayethanda uMax. "Ngeke kube khona usuku olusha - ngonakalise yonke into!"
Kukulesi sigaba sobudlelwano obusafufusa lapho izinto zingabheda khona, ikakhulukazi uma abashadile behluleka ukuthola ukulingana okufanele. Kuyini futhi kanjani ukuyithola?
Bonisa isithakazelo ngaphandle kokuba namahloni
U-Ancu Kögl useneminyaka eminingi ebhala mayelana nokuqomisana futhi usanda kushicilela I-Art of Honest Dating. Igama ngokwalo libonisa lokho umbhali akubheka njengokubalulekile ikakhulukazi kulezi zinsuku ezibalulekile namaviki okwakhiwa kobudlelwane - ukwethembeka. Omagazini abaningi besifazane basanikeza abafundi babo umdlalo wakudala wokungabonisi intshisekelo, ukungafinyeleleki. “Lapho simthanda kancane owesifazane, yilapho esithanda khona,” omagazini bamadoda becaphuna uPushkin ephendula. "Kodwa-ke, yilokhu kanye okuvame ukuholela eqinisweni lokuthi abantu ababonani," kuchaza u-blogger.
Ukwesaba kuka-Anna ukuthi uMax uzonyamalala ngoba kusobala ukuthi wayenesithakazelo kuye kwakungafanele. Baphinde babonana. “Umuntu obonisa isithakazelo ngokukhululekile, ngaphandle kwamahloni noma ukuzithethelela, uba nesithakazelo ngendlela emangalisayo,” kuchaza uKoegl. "Lokhu kuziphatha kuphakamisa ukuthi ukuzethemba kwakhe akuncikile embonweni nasekuphenduleni komuntu oxoxa naye."
Umuntu onjalo ubonakala ezinzile ngokomzwelo, ekwazi ukuvuleka. Futhi nathi sifuna ukumethemba. Ukube u-Anna wazama ukufihla ukungabi nandaba kwakhe noMax, ngabe akazange avule isifuba. Mhlawumbe ubengamthatha njengophawu oluphikisanayo lokuthi: “Ngiyakufuna, kodwa angikudingi.” Ngokuzama ukufihla isithakazelo sethu, ngokwenza kanjalo sizibonakalisa singalondekile, sinamahloni, futhi ngenxa yalokho asikhangi.
Khuluma ngokuqondile
Akukhona mayelana nokuvuma ngokushesha uthando lwaphakade. U-Koegl unikeza izibonelo zezimpawu ezihlakaniphile ezibonisa isithakazelo sethu kumuntu oxoxa naye ezimweni ezihlukahlukene zokuphola. “Ake sithi usendaweni yobumnandi enomsindo futhi usanda kuhlangana nomuntu. Niyaxhumana futhi nibonakala nithanda omunye nomunye. Ungase uthi: “Ngiyajabula ukuxhumana nawe. Singaya endaweni yokucima ukoma? Kuthule lapho, futhi singaba nengxoxo evamile.”
Yiqiniso, kuhlale kunengozi yokwenqatshwa - bese kuthiwani? Lutho, u-Koegle uqinisekile. Kuyenzeka. “Ukwaliwa akusho lutho ngawe njengomuntu. Iningi labesifazane engahlangana nabo langilahla. Nokho-ke kade ngawakhohlwa, ngoba bekungabalulekile kimina,” usho kanje. Kodwa kwakukhona nabesifazane engangithandana nabo. Ngahlangana nabo ngoba ngamukela ukwesaba nokwesaba kwami, ngoba ngavula isifuba, nakuba ngangizifaka engozini.
Nakuba u-Anna ethukile, angaba nesibindi sokutshela uMax, “Ngiyakuthanda ukuba nawe. Sizophinde sihlangane?”
Vuma uthukile
Ake sibhekane nakho, ngaphambi kosuku lokuqala, iningi lethu lizithola lisesimweni sokudideka. Umcabango ungase uze emqondweni, kodwa akungcono yini ukukhansela yonke into ngokuphelele. Lokhu akusho neze ukuthi asisenasithakazelo kumuntu. Ukuthi nje sikhathazeke kakhulu ukuthi sifuna ukuhlala ekhaya, “emink”. Yini okufanele ngigqoke? Iqala kanjani ingxoxo? Kuthiwani uma ngichitha isiphuzo ehembeni lami noma—oh he! – isiketi sakhe?
Kuyinto evamile ukuba novalo ngaphambi kosuku lokuqala, abaqeqeshi bokuthandana uLindsay Crisler noDonna Barnes bayachaza. Bacebisa ukuthi kuthathe okungenani ikhefu elincane ngaphambi kokuhlangana nozakwenu. "Ima kancane ngaphambi kokuvula umnyango wesitolo, noma uvale amehlo akho imizuzwana embalwa ngaphambi kokwehla uye lapho ulindelwe khona."
“Yisho ukuthi uyesaba noma unamahloni ngokwemvelo,” kweluleka uChrysler. Kungcono njalo ukwethembeka kunokwenza sengathi awunandaba. Ngokubonisa imizwa yethu ngokukhululekile, sithola ithuba lokwakha ubuhlobo obujwayelekile.”
Zibekele umgomo ongokoqobo
Adonse umoya futhi ucabange ngalokho okulindele emhlanganweni. Qiniseka ukuthi umgomo wakho awuphakeme kakhulu ngedethi yokuqala. Makube yinto engokoqobo. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuzijabulisa. Noma kusihlwa yiba nguwe. Ngemva kosuku, zama ukuhlola ukuthi ingabe uyifezile yini inhloso yakho. Uma kunjalo, ziqhenye ngawe! Ngisho noma lungekho usuku lwesibili, lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kuzokusiza ukuba uzethembe ngokwengeziwe.
Funda ukuziphathisa ngamahlaya
“Uyesaba ukukhala noma ukuchitha ikhofi lakho? Lokhu kuqondakala ngokuphelele! Kodwa, cishe, into oyinakayo ngeke ikubaleke ngoba ungumuntu obhibhidlayo, ”kusho uBarnes. Kulula ukwenza ihlaya ngobuhlanya bakho kunokuba ushise ngamahloni ubusuku bonke.
Khumbula: awukho kwinhlolokhono
Abanye bethu banomuzwa wokuthi usuku lwethu lokuqala lufana nenhlolokhono yomsebenzi futhi sizame konke esingakwenza ukuze sibe abaphelele. “Kodwa iphuzu alikona nje ukukholisa umuntu ophambene ukuthi “ungumuntu ofanele” futhi udinga ukukhethwa, kodwa futhi ukuvumela omunye umuntu azibonakalise,” kukhumbula uBarnes. “Ngakho yeka ukuzikhathaza kakhulu ngale nto oyishoyo, noma ngabe uhleka kakhulu. Qala ukulalela oxoxa naye, zama ukuqonda ukuthi yini oyithandayo ngaye, futhi naye ngawe. Qhubeka eqinisweni lokuthi uqale ukhanga kumuntu ongase abe umlingani - lokhu kuzokunika ukuzethemba futhi kukwenze uthandeke kakhulu.