Ingane yami isemathandweni

Uthando lwakhe lokuqala

Iminyaka engu-3-6 ubudala: iminyaka yothando lokuqala

I-idyll yokuqala yothando izalwa ekuqaleni kwezingane. “Le mizwa ivuka ngokushesha nje lapho iqala ukuhlangana, phakathi kweminyaka emi-3 neyisi-6. Ngalesi sikhathi, bathatheka thanda inzalo“, Icacisa udokotela wengqondo yengane u-Stéphane Clerget. “Lapho bengena esikoleni, bayabona ukuthi bangaluzwa uthando kwabanye abantu ngaphandle kwalabo ababanakekela nsuku zonke: abazali, umzanyana… Ngaphambi kwalesi sigaba, abaxoshwa. kunabo kanye nemindeni yabo. “

Ukuze bathandane, kufanele futhi baphumelele ingxenye ye-Oedipus complex futhi baqonde ukuthi abanakushada nomzali wabo wobulili obuhlukile.

Iminyaka engu-6-10: abangane kuqala!

“Phakathi kweminyaka engu-6 nengu-10, izingane zivame ukulumisa uthando lwazo. Bagxila kwezinye izindawo abazithakaselayo, izinto abazithandayo ... Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ubudlelwano bezothando buthatha indawo enkulu kakhulu ngalesi sikhathi, lokhu kungenziwa ngokulahlekelwa ukukhula kwengane. Abazali akudingeki bakhuthaze izingane zabo kulo mhlaba. Kumele sikuhloniphe lokhu kubambezeleka othandweni. ”

Phatha uthando olukhulu lwabancane bethu

Imizwa enkulu

“Imizwelo yokuqala yothando ifana kakhulu naleyo ezwiwa abantu abadala, inkanuko encane yobulili,” kugcizelela uStéphane Clerget. “Phakathi kweminyaka emi-3 neyesi-6, le mizwa yakha uhlaka, a uthando lweqiniso ugqozi, okwenziwa kancane kancane. Kubalulekile ukuthi ungafaki ingcindezi ezinganeni futhi ungafaki ulwazi lwabantu abadala kulolu thando. Akufanele uhlekise ngawe noma ube nothando kakhulu, okungabakhuthaza ukuthi bazivalele. ”

Uyakwandisa ukunqoba

Ingabe ingane yakho encane ishintsha kokubili isithandwa sayo nehembe layo? KuStéphane Clerget, yena unganikezi isikweletu esiningi kulobu budlelwano bezingane. “Kungenzeka ukuthi lokhu kuveza ukungakhululeki komndeni. Esinye seziguli zami ezisencane sasisola uyise ukuthi ujola futhi salihumusha kanjalo, kodwa ingane eshintsha izithandani ngokuvamile ngeke ibe umuntu wesifazane kamuva! Uma, ngokuphambene nalokho, ingane yakho ingalokothi ibe nabathandi njengabanye abangane bayo, kufanele uqale ubuze ukuthi inabo yini abangani esikoleni. Ibaluleke kakhulu. Uma eyedwa, ehoxisa kuye, kuzodingeka enze okuthile ukuze amsize akhulume. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma engenaso isithandwa ngoba akanandaba nayo, kodwa engumuntu othanda ukuhlalisana naye, akukho okuzomkhathaza. Lokho kuzofika kamuva. ”…

Ubuhlungu benhliziyo bokuqala

Ngokudabukisayo, akekho ophunyukayo. Kudingekile thatha lezi zinsizi zemizwelo ngokungathi sína. Njengoba uStéphane Clerget echaza, “ukuvikela” izingane ebuhlungwini benhliziyo kwenzeka kuyo yonke imfundo. “Asikho isidingo sokubalungiselela kuqala. Eqinisweni, kungokuthola imingcele yokuba namandla onke, kusukela esemncane, lapho ingane ilungela kangcono ubuhlungu benhliziyo. Uma esajwayele ukunikwa yonke into, ubengaqondi ukuthi isithandwa sakhe asisamthandi, sehlisa izifiso zakhe futhi kuzoba nzima ukudlula kukho. “

Ukuchazela izingane ukuthi awukwazi ukuphoqa umngane omncane ukuthi adlale nawe nokuthi kufanele uhloniphe izinqumo zomunye nakho kubalulekile. “Uma ingane ibhekene nalesi simo abazali kufanele khuluma naye, mduduze, umkhuthaze, mbuyisele emuva maqondana nekusasa“, Icacisa udokotela wengqondo yengane.

Owokuqala odlala ngothando

Lapho ungena ekolishi, izinto zivame ukuba zimbi kakhulu. Ingane ingakwazi ukuzivalela ekamelweni layo ukuze ixoxe amahora amaningi ocingweni noma ezinkundleni zokuxhumana nesoka layo. Indlela yokusabela?

“Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izingxoxo nabafunda nabo noma isoka labo, abazali kumelwe, nakuba behlonipha isikhathi esiyimfihlo sengane yabo, balinganisele amahora abawachitha phambi kwe-computer noma ocingweni. Ibalulekile ekuthuthukisweni kwayo. Abantu abadala kufanele bamsize ukuba azinikele kokunye. “

Ukuqabula kokuqala kwenzeka lapho eneminyaka engu-13 ubudala futhi kumelela isinyathelo esiya ebulilini obudala. Kodwa kulo mphakathi lapho ubusha bukhula ngokobulili, ingabe kufanele sihlobanise ukudlala ngothando kuqala nobuhlobo bobulili bokuqala?

“Abazali kumele bafundise izingane zabo futhi bakhe uhlaka. Kubalulekile ukulungiselela abantu abasha impilo yabo yocansi yesikhathi esizayo, kuyilapho kugcizelela ukuthi iningi lezocansi lineminyaka engu-15 ubudala, nokuthi baze bakhule ngokwengeziwe, bangadlala ngothando. “

Ukwesaba amathonya amabi, ukweqisa… abazali abawathandi ngaso sonke isikhathi amasoka…

“Uma kungenxa yokuthi awukuthandi ukubukeka kwakhe, ungamane nje ungabaluleki kakhulu ubuhlobo bakho bokuqala,” kuchaza uStéphane Clerget. “Ngakolunye uhlangothi abazali kumele baziphathe kahle futhi bahloniphe amasoka abo. Kunoma ikuphi, uma bengamthandi, kungcono ukumamukele ukuze amazi, ahlangane nabazali bakhe. Ukuxhumana naye kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokuthi abantu abadala balawule futhi babone ukuthi kwenzakalani. ”