Ukuthola ibanga elamukelekayo ebudlelwaneni kuwumsebenzi onzima kubo bobabili umama nendodakazi. Esikhathini esikhuthaza ukuhlanganisa futhi senze ukuthola ubuwena kube nzima, kuba nzima nakakhulu.
Ezinganekwaneni, amantombazane, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi angama-Snow White noma i-Cinderella, manje bese ehlangana nohlangothi olumnyama lukanina, olufakwe esithombeni sikasingamama omubi noma indlovukazi enonya.
Ngenhlanhla, iqiniso alibi kakhulu: ngokuvamile, ubuhlobo phakathi kukamama nendodakazi buba ngcono kunangaphambili - busondelana futhi bufudumele. Lokhu kwenziwa lula isiko lesimanje, ukusula umehluko phakathi kwezizukulwane.
“Sonke singabakhohlisi namuhla,” kuphawula u-Anna Varga, umelaphi womndeni, “futhi imfashini ezwelayo isabela kulokhu ngokunikeza wonke umuntu izikibha namateku afanayo.”
Ukukhangisa kusebenzisa lokhu kufana okukhulayo, ukumemezela, isibonelo, "Umama nendodakazi banokuningi abafana ngakho," futhi beveza cishe njengamawele. Kodwa ukusondelana akudali injabulo kuphela.
Lokhu kuholela ekuhlanganisweni okuphazamisa ubunikazi bezinhlangothi zombili.
Isazi se-Psychoanalyst uMaria Timofeeva ubona ekusebenzeni kwakhe ubunzima obuvela eqinisweni lokuthi kunemindeni eminingi kakhulu enomzali oyedwa, indima kababa iyancipha, futhi inkolo yentsha ibusa emphakathini. Lokhu kuholela ekuhlanganisweni okuphazamisa ubunikazi bezinhlangothi zombili.
“Ukulingana,” kuphetha isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, “kuphoqa abesifazane ukuba babuze imibuzo emibili ebaluleke ngokuyisisekelo. Kumama: kanjani ukugcina ukusondelana ngenkathi uhlala endaweni yakho yabazali? Ngendodakazi: kanjani ukuhlukanisa ukuze uzithole?
Ukuhlangana okuyingozi
Ubudlelwano nomama buyisisekelo sempilo yethu yengqondo. Umama akagcini nje ngokuthonya ingane, uyimvelo kuye, futhi ubuhlobo naye ubuhlobo nezwe.
UMaria Timofeeva uyaqhubeka: Lokhu kuyiqiniso ezinganeni zabo bobabili ubulili. Kodwa kuba nzima ukuthi indodakazi ihlukane nonina.”
Futhi ngenxa yokuthi «bobabili amantombazane», futhi ngenxa yokuthi umama ngokuvamile umbona njengokuqhubeka kwakhe, kunzima kuye ukubona indodakazi njengomuntu ohlukile.
Kodwa mhlawumbe uma umama nendodakazi bengasondelene kakhulu kusukela ekuqaleni, khona-ke ngeke kube khona inkinga? Ngokuphambene nalokho. “Ukuntuleka kokusondelana nomama ebuntwaneni ngokuvamile kuholela emizamweni yokunxephezela esikhathini esizayo,” kuchaza uMaria Timofeeva, “lapho indodakazi ekhulayo izama ukujabulisa unina, ukusondelana nayo ngangokunokwenzeka. Sengathi okwenzekayo manje kungathathwa kudlule futhi kushintshwe.”
Lokhu kunyakaza okubheke phambili akulona uthando, kodwa isifiso sokukuthola kumama
Kodwa ngisho nangemva kwesifiso sikamama sokusondela endodakazini yakhe, ukuhambisana naye ekuthandeni nasekubukeni, ngezinye izikhathi akukhona uthando kuphela.
Ubusha kanye nobufazi bendodakazi kungabangela umhawu ongazi lutho kumama. Lo muzwa ubuhlungu, futhi umama naye uzama ukuwuqeda ngokungazi, eziveza nendodakazi yakhe: "Indodakazi yami yimi, indodakazi yami yinhle - ngakho-ke nginjalo."
Ithonya lomphakathi nalo lithinta itulo lomkhaya elinzima ekuqaleni. "Emphakathini wethu, ukubusa kwezizukulwane kuvame ukuphulwa noma kungakhiwa nhlobo," kusho u-Anna Varga. “Isizathu wukukhathazeka okuba khona lapho umphakathi uyeka ukuthuthuka.
Ngamunye wethu ukhathazeke kakhulu kunelungu lomphakathi ophumelelayo. Ukukhathazeka kukuvimbela ekwenzeni ukukhetha (konke kubonakala kubaluleke ngokulinganayo kumuntu okhathazekile) nokwakha noma yimiphi imingcele: phakathi kwezizukulwane, phakathi kwabantu.
Umama nendodakazi "bahlanganisa", ngezinye izikhathi bathola kulobu buhlobo isiphephelo esiza ukumelana nezinsongo zezwe langaphandle. Lokhu kuthambekela kunamandla ikakhulukazi emibhangqwaneni enjalo yezizukulwane, lapho kungekho khona okwesithathu - umyeni nobaba. Kodwa njengoba kunjalo, kungani umama nendodakazi kungafanele bajabulele ukusondelana kwabo?
Ukulawula nokuncintisana
"Ubudlelwano besitayela" samantombazane amabili "buzikhohlisa," uMaria Timofeeva uyaqiniseka. “Lokhu kuwukuphika iqiniso lokuthi kunomehluko ngeminyaka namandla okwenyanya phakathi kwabesifazane ababili. Le ndlela iholela ekuhlanganiseni nasekulawuleni iziqhumane. "
Ngamunye wethu ufuna ukuzibamba. Futhi uma “indodakazi yami kuyimi,” khona-ke kumelwe ukuba izizwa ngendlela efanayo nami futhi ifune into efanayo engizizwa ngayo. “Umama, elwela ubuqotho, ucabanga ukuthi indodakazi yakhe ifuna into efanayo,” kuchaza u-Anna Varga. “Isibonakaliso sokuhlangana yilapho imizwa kamama ihlotshaniswa ngokungenakuhlukaniswa nemizwa yendodakazi.”
Isifiso sokulawula indodakazi siyakhula lapho umama ebona ukuthi kungenzeka ukuhlukana kwayo kube usongo kuye ngokwakhe.
Kuvela ukungqubuzana: lapho indodakazi izama ngokuqhubekayo ukuhamba, umama uqhubeka egodla: ngamandla kanye nemiyalo, ubuthakathaka nokuhlambalaza. Uma indodakazi inomuzwa wecala futhi ingenazo izinsiza zangaphakathi, iyayeka futhi izinikele.
Kodwa kunzima ukuthi owesifazane ongahlukani nonina azakhele eyakhe impilo. Ngisho noma eshada, ngokuvamile uhlukanisa ngokushesha ukuze abuyele kunina, ngezinye izikhathi nengane yakhe.
Futhi ngokuvamile umama nendodakazi baqala ukuncintisana ngokuthi ubani kubo ozoba "umama ongcono kakhulu" wengane - indodakazi esebe ngumama, noma ugogo ofuna ukubuyela endaweni "esemthethweni" kamama. Uma ugogo enqobile, indodakazi ithola indima yomondli noma udadewabo omdala wengane yakhe, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ayinayo nhlobo indawo kulo mndeni.
Ukuhlolwa okuzophasiswa
Ngenhlanhla, ubudlelwano abuhlali bumangalisa kangako. Ukuba khona kukababa noma enye indoda eduze kunciphisa ingozi yokuhlangana. Naphezu kokungqubuzana okungenakugwenywa kanye nezikhathi zokusondelana okukhulu noma okuncane, imibhangqwana eminingi engumama nendodakazi ilondoloza ubuhlobo lapho ububele nokuthakasela kubusa phezu kokucasuka.
Kodwa ngisho nabanobungane kakhulu kuyodingeka badlule ngokuhlukana, ukuze bahlukane. Inqubo ingase ibe buhlungu, kodwa kuphela izovumela wonke umuntu ukuba aphile ukuphila kwakhe. Uma kunamadodakazi amaningana emndenini, ngokuvamile enye yawo ivumela umama ukuba “amgqilaze” ngokwengeziwe.
Odade bangase bacabange ukuthi lena yindawo yendodakazi yabo abayithandayo, kodwa ihlukanisa le ndodakazi kuye futhi imvimbe ekuzigcwaliseni. Umbuzo uwukuthi ungalithola kanjani ibanga elifanele.
"Ukuze athathe indawo yakhe ekuphileni, owesifazane osemusha kufanele axazulule imisebenzi emibili ngesikhathi esisodwa: ukuhlonza umama wakhe mayelana nendima yakhe, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo" angazihloniphi" naye mayelana nobuntu bakhe, ” kuphawula uMaria Timofeev.
Ukuzixazulula kunzima ikakhulukazi uma umama enqaba
“Ngezinye izikhathi indodakazi ifuna ukuxabana nonina,” kuphawula u-Anna Varga, “ukuze iqede ukunaka kakhulu ukuphila kwayo.” Ngezinye izikhathi isixazululo siwukuhlukana ngokomzimba, ukuthuthela kwelinye ifulethi, idolobha noma izwe.
Kunoma yikuphi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bahlangene noma bahlukene, kuzodingeka bakhe kabusha imingcele. “Konke kuqala ngenhlonipho ngempahla,” kugcizelela u-Anna Varga. — Wonke umuntu unezinto zakhe, futhi akekho othatha okomunye engacelanga. Kuyaziwa ukuthi ikuphi indawo kabani, futhi awukwazi ukuya lapho ngaphandle kwesimemo, ikakhulukazi ukuze uzibekele imithetho yakho lapho.
Yiqiniso, akulula kumama ukudedela ingxenye yakhe—indodakazi yakhe. Ngakho-ke, owesifazane osekhulile uzodinga eyakhe, ngaphandle kokuthandwa yindodakazi yakhe, izinsiza zangaphakathi nezangaphandle ezizomvumela ukuba asinde osizini lokuhlukana, aguqule kube ukudabuka okukhanyayo.
“Ukwabelana ngalokho onakho nomunye nokumnika inkululeko kuyilokho kanye uthando oluyikho, kuhlanganise nothando lukamama,” kuphawula uMaria Timofeeva. Kodwa ubuntu bethu buhlanganisa ukubonga.
Ukubonga okungokwemvelo, okungaphoqiwe, kodwa kwamahhala kungaba yisisekelo sokushintshisana kwemizwelo entsha, evuthiwe futhi evulekile phakathi kukamama nendodakazi. Nobudlelwano obusha nemingcele eyakhelwe kahle.