Kungani abesilisa nabesifazane ngezinye izikhathi bengezwani? Ukudideka kwamadoda anamuhla ngokwengxenye kubangelwa ukungahambisani kokuziphatha kwabesifazane, kusho isazi socansi u-Irina Panyukova. Futhi uyakwazi ukuyishintsha.
Psychology: Amadoda azokubona cishe azokhuluma ngobunzima abanabo nabesifazane.
Irina Panyukova: Ngizokunikeza isibonelo ngaso leso sikhathi. NganginomLungu ekwamukeleni kwami. Umkakhe, ongumRashiya, wavuma kuye ukuthi wayenesithandwa. Umyeni waphendula: “Kubuhlungu kimi, kodwa ngiyakuthanda futhi ngifuna ukuba nawe. Ngicabanga ukuthi kufanele uxazulule lesi simo ngokwakho." Wathukuthela: "Bekufanele ungishaye ngempama, bese uhamba uyombulala." Futhi lapho ephikisa ngokuthi wayenokunye okumkhathazayo, kwadingeka aqoqe izingane zebanga lokuqala, wathi: “Awuyona indoda!” Ukholelwa ukuthi uziphatha njengomuntu omdala futhi onomthwalo wemfanelo. Kodwa imibono yakhe ayihambisani neyomkakhe.
Ingabe inkinga kumamodeli wesilisa ahlukene?
I.P.: Yebo, kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zokubonakaliswa kobudoda. Emfanekisweni wendabuko, kucacile ukuthi amadoda anzani, abesifazane benzani, yiziphi izinkambiso zokusebenzisana, imithetho ebhaliwe nengabhaliwe. Imodeli yesimanje yobudoda ayidingi ukubonakaliswa kwamandla omzimba, ivumela ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo. Kodwa ukuziphatha okungokwemvelo kwemodeli ethile kuzobonwa kanjani umphathi womunye? Ngokwesibonelo, ukuntula ukuqina kungase kuthathwe ngephutha njengobuthakathaka. Amadoda ahlupheka ngoba abesifazane baphoxekile ngawo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngibona ukuthi amadoda agxile kakhulu eqinisweni, futhi phakathi kwabesifazane kukhona inganekwane yokuthi indoda ngokwayo kufanele iqagele mayelana nezifiso zabo.
Ozakwethu abahlangene ngoba bethandana abaqhudelani, kodwa bayasebenzisana
Kubonakala sengathi abesifazane ngokuvamile abaziceli usizo bona, bese bahlambalaza amadoda. Kungani kunjalo?
I.P.: Uma ngicela usizo futhi bengisiza, kuvela isici sokuziphatha — isidingo sokubonga. Uma kungekho sicelo, khona-ke kubonakala sengathi akudingekile ukubonga. Abanye besifazane banomuzwa wokuthi ukubabuza kuyabalulaza. Abanye abantu abazi ukuthi bangabonga kanjani. Futhi emibhangqwaneni, ngivame ukubona ukuthi abesifazane baqala ukulungisa, ukwakhiwa, ukubolekwa kwemali, ngaphandle kokubuza indoda ukuthi ifuna ukuhlanganyela kulokhu, bese bayacasuka: akasizi! Kodwa ukucela usizo obala kuyosho ukuthi bakuvume ukwehluleka kwabo.
Ingabe ubudlelwano bobulili bunokuncintisana kakhulu kunangaphambili?
I.P.: Ubudlelwano kwezamabhizinisi kanye nasemkhakheni wezobuchwepheshe sebunokuncintisana kakhulu ngenxa yokwesaba ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi. Nabalingani abandawonye ngoba bethandana abaqhudelani, kodwa bayasebenzisana. Kodwa lokhu kungenzeka uma umgomo wabo uwukuba ndawonye, hhayi omunye - ukushiya abazali babo, isibonelo. Nakuba umphakathi, kunjalo, uthinta umbhangqwana. Ngethemba ukuthi ngokomqondo womhlaba wonke, manje sesisuka emqhudelwaneni siya ekusebenzisaneni. Ngokuvamile, izingxabano nabobulili obuhlukile ziwukubonakaliswa kokulibaziseka kwentuthuko. Phakathi kweminyaka engu-7 nengu-12 ubudala, kuyavela ukungezwani phakathi kobulili: abafana bashaya amantombazane ekhanda ngesikhwama. Yile ndlela ukuhlukaniswa kobulili okwenzeka ngayo. Futhi izingxabano zabantu abadala ziwuphawu lokuhlehla. Lona umzamo wokuxazulula isimo ngendlela yangaphambi kokuthomba.
Yini abesifazane abangayishintsha ekuziphatheni kwabo ukuze bathuthukise ubudlelwano namadoda?
I.P.: Hlakulela ubufazi bakho: zinakekele, uqonde izidingo zakho, ungasebenzi ngokweqile, thatha isikhathi sokuphumula. Ukubona ekunakekeleni kwabo indoda hhayi ukuzithoba nobugqila, kodwa isiqinisekiso sokuthi bakhethe umngane ofanelwe ukunakekelwa. Futhi hhayi "ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni", hhayi ukwenza umbhangqwana ube enye indawo yomsebenzi, kodwa ukuhlala lobu budlelwano ndawonye njengesisetshenziswa somzwelo. I-orchestra izwakala kahle uma wonke umculi eyazi indima yakhe futhi umdlali wevayolini engalikhiphi i-trombone lisuke ezandleni zomdlali we-trombonist ukuze abonise ukuthi idlalwa kanjani ngendlela efanele.