Okuqukethwe
Kungani sivumela ubudlelwano obungagcini nje ngokusenza sijabule, kodwa bucekele phansi izinhlelo zethu zempilo nempilo, bususe amandla nentshisekelo yokuqhubekela phambili? Mhlawumbe asifuni kakhulu uthando njengoba sizama esimweni esibuhlungu, njengasesibukweni, ukuze sibone futhi siziqonde, sibhekane nezingxabano ezifihliwe ezijulile? Ochwepheshe bethu bahlaziya enye yalezi zindaba.
Uthando lomhlatshelo luwukuzibulala okungokomfanekiso
UChris Armstrong, umqeqeshi
U-Anna useneminyaka emithathu nesigamu eyazi le ndoda futhi ubelokhu ethandana nayo isikhathi esifanayo. Nakuba lo muzwa ngezinye izikhathi umnika izikhathi zokuhlangenwe nakho okujabulisayo, isikhathi esiningi uchitha esesimweni sokunganaki nokudangala. Lokhu akubiza ngokuthi uthando kumkhubaze impilo yakhe yonke. U-Anna wangibhalela ecela usizo, evuma ukuthi wayenethemba elincane lokushintsha isimo.
Ngiyavuma ukuthi ngikholelwa ethembeni uma lingahlanekezeli isimo sangempela sezinto, okuholela ezweni lamaphupho omlingo. Akukho lutho olumangalisayo mayelana nokuthi isithandwa sika-Anna sivumela ukushayela imoto esimweni sokudakwa lapho ehlezi eduze kwakhe. Nokuthi ubekhuluma izinto ezimbi ngaye kubangani ngesikhathi ethola ukuthi ukhathazekile ngezinkinga zakhe zotshwala.
Ziningi izibonelo ezinjalo emlandweni ka-Anna. Ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, wehla kakhulu emzimbeni, izifo ezingapheli zaba zimbi kakhulu, futhi kwaqala ukucindezeleka. Umuntu amnika amandla angaka uhlala kwelinye idolobha. Futhi ngaso sonke lesi sikhathi, wandiza kanye kuphela ukuze ahlangane naye. U-Anna uzithela kuye ngokwakhe nangezindleko zakhe. Emsebenzini akagcinanga ngokukhushulelwa esikhundleni, kodwa usezoxoshwa ngenxa yokuthi ucishe waphelelwa yintshisekelo kukho konke.
Ngaphandle kokuzibulala ngokwenyama, siyazibulala okungokomfanekiso.
U-Anna unamadodana amabili afunda isikole, futhi kusobala ukuthi umngane womshado onenkinga yotshwala akasona isibonelo esingcono kakhulu kubo. Uyaqonda ukuthi lobu budlelwano obubuhlungu bulimaza impilo yakhe futhi buthinta impilo yezingane zakhe, kodwa ukubaphazamisa kungaphezu kwamandla akhe. Sonke siyazi ingoma edumile yamaBeatles: "Okudingayo uthando." Ngingaphinda ngikubeke ngenye indlela: esikudingayo uthando olunempilo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, sicwila obishini lokuhlushwa okungenangqondo oluthatha iminyaka eminingi yokuphila kwethu.
Ngicabanga ukuthi isihluthulelo sesimo sika-Anna sisemushweni owodwa wencwadi yakhe. Uyavuma ukuthi wayehlale enesifiso sokuthola uthando umuntu angafa ngalo. Kuzwakala kunothando, futhi sonke sifuna ukuphakama ngaphezu kwempilo yansuku zonke, kodwa uthando olufanele ukufela luvame ukuholela eqinisweni lokuthi ngaphandle kokuzibulala ngokwenyama, sizibulala okungokomfanekiso. Silahlekelwa amandla, izifiso kanye nezinhlelo, sibukela phansi iminyaka yethu engcono kakhulu.
Ingabe uthando lukufanele ukuzidela? Mhlawumbe impendulo eqotho kuphela yalo mbuzo ingashintsha isimo.
“Ukuziqonda kuphela okungasivikela”
U-Lev Khegai, umhlaziyi we-Jungian
Kungani singena ebudlelwaneni bothando obulimazayo ngokweqile? Kungaba nezizathu eziningi.
Lokhu kungase kube yizici zokucindezeleka esizalwa nazo ezisiqhubezela ekuzijeziseni, futhi umfelandawonye nozakwethu okwehlisa izinga lethu kuyasiza kulokhu. Mhlawumbe lena yimizamo yokwakha kabusha ubuntwana, lapho ubuhlobo nobaba noma umama bubekwe icala lobudlova, ukungabi nandaba, ukungavikeleki.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, sizama ukuphinda ngokungazi, ngethemba eliyimfihlo lokulungisa yonke into. I-heroine ifuna ubuhlobo, ngokusho kwakhe, akuyona usizi ukufa. Lokhu kusesha kungase kufihle iphupho lokufa okungokomfanekiso kobuntu bangaphambili nokuzalwa kabusha endaweni entsha.
Ukuziqonda kahle thina nokuthambekela kwethu kokungazi kungasivikela ekuzibhubhiseni.
Uthando olukhulu, injabulo yokusondelana, ukuziveza komuntu kungabekwa ngokungazi esisekelweni sobuntu obusha, ukuze kuqashwe ukuthi ubudlelwano obusha buyadingeka.
Sifuna ukuhluka, futhi inkaba ikhishwa ngokoqobo. Ngeke sihlukane ne-«I» endala uma singangeni esivunguvungwini senkinga yobunikazi. Ngakho-ke, uthando olusha, olubizelwe ukwenza uguquko ezimpilweni zethu, lungahlanya futhi lucekele phansi.
Ukuziqonda kahle kuphela thina nokuthambekela kwethu kokungazi okungasivikela ekuzibhubhiseni.