Labo abangakwazi ukuthatha isinyathelo bengasizwanga babizwa ngokuthi bayizinsana futhi badelelekile kancane. Labo ngokwengxenye abakwamukeli ukuzwelana nokusekelwa bathathwa njengabaqalwa phezulu nabaziqhenyayo. Bobabili abajabulile ngoba abakwazi ukufinyelela esivumelwaneni nezwe langaphandle. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Israel Charney ukholelwa ukuthi yonke into iqala ebuntwaneni, kodwa umuntu omdala uyakwazi ukuhlakulela izimfanelo ezingekho kuye.
Akukaze kube khona isahlakaniphi emhlabeni esingachaza ngokucacile ukuthi kungani abanye abantu bethembele kumuntu impilo yabo yonke futhi badinga ukugadwa, kuyilapho abanye bezimele ngokugcizelela futhi bengathandi ukufundiswa, ukuvikelwa nokunikezwa izeluleko.
Umuntu uyanquma ukuthi uzoncika noma uzimele. Ngokombono wokunemba kwezombangazwe, ukuziphatha kwakhe akuphazamisi muntu inqobo nje uma kungekona usongo noma kucasula izithakazelo zothile. Khonamanjalo, ukulingana okuphazamisekile kokuncika nokuzimela kuholela ekuhlanekeni okukhulu ebudlelwaneni nezwe langaphandle.
- Ungumama oqinile wezingane eziningi, ongenaso isikhathi sazo zonke izinhlobo zobubele nokukhuluma izindebe. Kuye kubonakala sengathi izingane zizoqina futhi zizimele njengaye, kodwa ezinye zazo zikhula zithukuthele futhi zibe nolaka.
- Muhle ngokwedlulele futhi unamahloni, ngakho-ke uthinta inhliziyo futhi uncoma ukuncoma okuhle, kodwa akakwazi ukwenza lutho embhedeni.
- Akadingi muntu. Wayeshadile futhi kwakuyiphupho elibi, futhi manje ekugcineni usekhululekile, angashintsha abalingani okungenani nsuku zonke, kodwa akasoze ahileleka ebuhlotsheni obujulile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, akasona isigqila!
- Uyindodana ethandekayo elalelayo, ungumfundi omuhle kakhulu, uhlale emamatheka futhi enobungane, abantu abadala bajabule kakhulu. Kodwa umfana uba yibhungu aphinde abe yindoda, atholakale eyisihlukumezi esibi. Kwenzeke kanjani? Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi akakwazi ukuzimela ezingxabanweni ezingenakugwenywa, akazi ukuthi angavuma kanjani amaphutha futhi abhekane namahloni, wesaba noma yibuphi ubunzima.
Kokubili ukweqisa kuvame ukuhlangana nomkhuba wokuphazamiseka kwengqondo. Usizo aludingeki kuphela kubantu abangenzi lutho nabancikile abathonywa kalula futhi baphathwe ngendlela. Abantu abanamandla nabaqinile abaqhubekela phambili empilweni futhi basho ukuthi abakudingi ukunakekelwa nothando lwanoma ubani abavamile ukutholakala benezinkinga zobuntu.
Izazi ze-Psychotherapist, eziqiniseka ngokuqinile ukuthi kudingekile ukugxila kuphela emizweni yeziguli futhi kancane kancane ziholele ekuqondeni nasekuzamukeleni ngokwazo, ungathinti imizwa ejulile. Ngamafuphi, ingqikithi yalo mqondo iwukuthi abantu banjengoba banjalo, futhi umsebenzi we-psychotherapist uwukuzwelana, ukusekela, ukukhuthaza, kodwa ungazami ukushintsha uhlobo oluyinhloko lobuntu.
Kodwa kukhona ochwepheshe abacabanga ngenye indlela. Sonke sidinga ukuncika ukuze sithandwe futhi sisekelwe, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo sihlale sizimele ukuze sibhekane nokwehluleka ngesibindi. Inkinga yokuncika nokuzimela ihlala ibalulekile kukho konke ukuphila, kusukela ebuntwaneni. Izingane zonakaliswe ukunakekelwa kwabazali kangangokuthi ngisho nasebudaleni abazi ukuthi bangalala kanjani embhedeni wabo noma basebenzise indlu yangasese ngokwabo, njengomthetho, bakhule bengakwazi ukusiza futhi abakwazi ukumelana nokushaywa kwesiphetho.
Kuhle uma ukulutheka okunempilo kuhlanganiswe ngokuvumelana nokuzimela.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abadala abenqabayo ukwamukela usizo, ngisho nalapho begula noma besenkingeni, bazifaka engozini yokuba nesizungu esibuhlungu, esingokomzwelo nangokomzimba. Ngike ngabona iziguli ezigula kakhulu zixoshwa ngabasebenzi bezempilo ngenxa yokuthi zingenayo imali yokuzinakekela.
Kuhle uma ukulutheka okunempilo kuhlanganiswe ngokuvumelana nokuzimela. Umdlalo wothando lapho bobabili belungele ukuthwebula izifiso zomunye nomunye, ngokushintshana beba namandla, bese bezithoba, banikeze futhi bathole uthando, ukulinganisa phakathi kwezinhlangothi zabo ezincikene nezizimele, kuletha injabulo eyengeziwe ngokungenakuqhathaniswa.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukuhlakanipha okuvamile ukuthi injabulo ephakeme kakhulu yendoda noma owesifazane ungumlingani onokwethenjelwa olungele ukuya ocansini ekushayeni kokuqala kudlulele kakhulu. Lena indlela eya esithukuthezini nasekuhlukaniseni abantu, ingasaphathwa eyokuthi lowo ophoqwa ukuba abe «umdlali osulile» uwela embuthanweni ononya wehlazo elivuthayo futhi azizwe njengesigqila.
Lapho bengibuza ukuthi ngenzenjani uma izingane zikhula zingenamgogodla noma zinenkani, ngiphendula ngokuthi konke kusezandleni zabazali. Ngemva kokuqaphela ukuthi izimpawu ezithile zihamba phambili ekuziphatheni kwengane, umuntu kufanele acabange ngokucophelela ukuthi angagxilisa kanjani kuye izimfanelo ezingekho.
Lapho imibhangqwana eshadile ifika, ngizama futhi ukuveza ukuthi ingathonya omunye nomunye. Uma omunye wabo enesifiso esibuthakathaka futhi engaqiniseki, owesibili uyamsiza ukuba azikholelwe futhi abe namandla. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umlingani othambile uyakwazi ukuvimbela izifiso zowesibili futhi, uma kunesidingo, abonise ukuqina komlingiswa.
Isihloko esikhethekile ubuhlobo emsebenzini. Baningi-ke abantu abangeneme neze ngenxa yokuthi mihla namalanga bahlala benza into efanayo, bethuka abaholi nohlelo abasebenza kulo. Yebo, ukuziphilisa akulula, futhi akubona bonke abangakwazi ukwenza abakuthandayo. Kodwa kulabo abakhululekile ukuzikhethela umsebenzi wabo, ngiyabuza: kungakanani umuntu angazidela ukuze agcine umsebenzi?
Okufanayo kusebenza ebudlelwaneni nezinhlangano ezahlukahlukene kanye nezinsizakalo zikahulumeni. Ake sithi udinga ukunakekelwa kwezokwelapha futhi ulawule ngendlela eyisimangaliso ukuze ufike kunkanyiso odumile, kodwa kuvele ukuthi ungumuntu odelelayo ozidlayo futhi ukhuluma ngendlela ecasulayo. Uzobekezela, ngoba ufuna ukuthola izeluleko zochwepheshe, noma uzokwenqaba okufanele?
Noma, ake sithi, umnyango wentela ufuna ukukhokha inani elingenakucatshangwa, futhi usongela ngecala kanye nokunye unswinyo? Ingabe uzolwa nokungabi nabulungisa, noma uzovuma ngokushesha futhi uvumele izimfuno ezingenangqondo ukuze ugweme ezinye izinkinga?
Kwake kwadingeka ngelaphe usosayensi odumile umshwalense wakhe wezempilo kahulumeni owawukhokhela izindleko zokwelashwa kwengqondo kudokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo, inqobo nje uma wawutuswa udokotela wengqondo noma udokotela ohlinzayo. Lesi siguli sathunyelwa kimi «kuphela» udokotela wezinzwa futhi inkampani yomshwalense yenqaba ukukhokha.
Umqondo ophusile wasitshela sobabili ukuthi i-nitpick yayingalungile. Ngeluleka isiguli (umuntu onganaki kakhulu, ngendlela) ukuthi amele amalungelo aso futhi ngathembisa ukulwa naso: yenza konke okusemandleni, sebenzisa igunya lochwepheshe, shayela ucingo futhi ubhale yonke indawo, faka ikhomishana yokulamula yomshwalense, noma yini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngaqinisekisa ukuthi ngeke ngifune isinxephezelo kuye ngesikhathi sami - mina ngokwami ngangicasulwa ukuziphatha kwabadayisi bomshwalense. Futhi kuphela uma ewina, ngizojabula uma ekubona kudingekile ukungikhokhela imali yawo wonke amahora asetshenziswe ekusekeleni kwakhe.
Walwa njengebhubesi wazethemba kakhulu ngesikhathi kuqhubeka icala, saneliseka sodwa. Wawina futhi wathola inkokhelo yomshwalense, futhi ngathola umklomelo owawungifanele. Okujabulisa kakhulu, kwakungekona ukunqoba kwakhe kuphela. Ngemva kwalesi sigameko, umshwalense wabo bonke abasebenzi bakahulumeni wase-US washintsha: izinsizakalo zodokotela bezinzwa zazifakwe emigomeni yezokwelapha.
Yeka umgomo omuhle: ukuba nesisa nokuqina, ukuthanda nokuthandwa, ukwamukela usizo futhi uvume ngokufanelekile umlutha wakho, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo uhlale uzimele futhi usize abanye.
Mayelana nombhali: U-Israel Charney, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika-Israeli kanye nesazi sezenhlalo, umsunguli kanye nomongameli we-Israel Association of Family Therapists, umsunguli kanye nephini likamongameli we-International Association of Genocide Researchers, umbhali we-Existential-Dialectical Family Therapy: Indlela Yokuqaqa. Ikhodi Eyimfihlo Yomshado.