Uthando - fakazela: ungakuyeka kanjani ukukufuna kumlingani

Ukukhuluma ngokuqinile, akunakwenzeka ukukholisa omunye ukuthi siyamthanda: umuzwa wethu wokuthandwa awuxhomekile kuphela endleleni umlingani aziphatha ngayo, kodwa futhi nokuthi siyakwazi yini ukwamukela imizwa yakhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sikholelwa ngobuqotho babo. Ukuqinisekisa kuyadingeka esimweni lapho, ngenxa yezizathu ezithile, kungekho ukholo.

Ukungabaza kungalungiswa noma kungenasisekelo, kodwa into eyinhloko ukuthi abakuvumeli ukuba uzizwe uthando, ngisho noma umlingani ebonisa ngenkuthalo. Uma kukhona ukukholwa, akusamayelana nezimfuneko zobufakazi, kodwa kumayelana nokubonakaliswa okungekho kothando.

Ake sihlolisise izimbangela ezingaba zokungabaza. Izimo ezintathu eziyisisekelo zingahlukaniswa.

1. Abasithandi ngempela, kodwa asifuni ukukukholelwa.

Lesi simo asijabulisi, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukungabaza ukuthi siyathandwa kungase kuthetheleleke. Wonke umuntu unemigomo yakhe yothando, kodwa inkomba eyinhloko yokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle lapho sizizwa sibi, futhi noma ngabe umlingani wenza imizamo yokuguqula isimo, konke ekugcineni kuhlala kunjalo.

Kubonakala sengathi yonke into ilula: uma bengasithandi, sidinga ukuhamba. Kungani-ke ulinda ubufakazi bothando? Ukugcina isithombe esizinzile sobudlelwano. Kunzima kakhulu ukuthi sihlukane nesiphephile futhi esiqondakalayo, ngoba okusha kuhlale kungaziwa futhi kwesabeka. I-psyche yethu idinga isikhathi sokuqaphela okwenzekayo futhi yakhe kabusha. Ku-psychology, le nqubo ibizwa ngokuthi ukulila.

Sikhalela okwangempela okwakuyigugu kithi: ubudlelwano obunenjongo, ukuzizwa sivikelekile, izithombe esizijwayele zethu kanye nozakwethu. Wonke umuntu uba lusizi ngendlela ehlukile: ukushaqeka, ukuphika, ukuhaha ukwenza izinto zifane, ukufuna ubufakazi obufunayo, ukuthukuthela, ukucindezeleka, ukukhala. Kwesinye isikhathi sidlula kuzo zonke lezi zigaba size sigcine siqonde ukuthi sesikulungele ukwamukela isimo samanje.

Kubalulekile ukuthi uzinike isikhathi salokhu futhi ucele ukwesekwa. Lapho kufika ukuqaphela ukuthi ubuhlobo obudlule abusekho, futhi obukhona manje abuhambisani nathi, isifiso sokuhlukana nomlingani, njengomthetho, siba sobala futhi singokwemvelo. Nokho, le ndlela iba nzima kakhulu uma ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ubuhlobo kunamandla kakhulu.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

• Unganqamuli ihlombe: kubalulekile ukuqonda izizathu zokungabaza, ukuqonda ukuthi zilungile kangakanani.
• Yabelana ngemicabango yakho nolwazi lwakho nozakwenu. Uma ungazizwa uthando lwakhe, mtshele ngakho, uchaze ukuthi kungani lokhu kunjalo nokuthi yini ngempela oyishoyo, futhi imininingwane eyengeziwe, ingcono.
• Zinike isikhathi sokuzwa impendulo engaphakathi embuzweni wokuthi uyafuna yini ukuhlala kulobu budlelwano. Uma, ngemva kokukhuluma ngokusuka enhliziyweni, kusekubi, kodwa awukwazi ukwenza isinqumo ngokwakho, kuhle ukufuna usizo kuchwepheshe wezengqondo.

2. Siyathandwa, kodwa sikuthola kunzima ukukholelwa

Lesi simo sihlobene ngokuqondile nesenzakalo esibuhlungu esake sabhekana naso. Ukuze uqonde ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngawe, kuyasiza ukuzibuza umbuzo wokuthi yini ngempela ebangela ukungabaza othandweni, ukuthi kunengqondo kangakanani, nokuthi uke wazizwa yini into enjengale ngaphambili.

Ubudlelwano bezingane nabazali bubeka isisekelo sokusebenzelana kwethu nathi kanye nomhlaba. Ngakho-ke, isibonelo, indodakazi yendoda eyashiya umndeni noma iphakamisa isandla njalo ezihlotsheni zayo, njengomthetho, iqala ukungabethembi amadoda. Futhi umfana, unina owamgona kancane kuphela ngenxa yezimfanelo ezikhethekile, ufunda ukuthi akakufanelekeli uthando olungenamibandela, okusho ukuthi uzongabaza imizwa yowesifazane wakhe othandekayo.

Njengomphumela wokuthola ukuhlukumezeka kwengqondo, izingane ziqala ukubuka umhlaba ngezibuko zokungathembani futhi zihlangane nazo ngendlela yokuthi, ngisho nalapho zihlangabezana nesimo sengqondo esihluke ngokuphelele kubo, zilindele ngokunganaki ukuphindaphinda lokho okubuhlungu okufanayo. isipiliyoni. Behlushwa ukungabaza, balwela ukuthola ubufakazi bothando lomlingani wabo, kodwa ngisho nangemva kokuqinisekiswa okuphindaphindiwe abakwazi ukuzola: ukungathembeki okufundiwe kunamandla.

Singabonisa kunokuba sibonise uthando, futhi umlingani unelungelo lokukholelwa noma lokungakholelwa emizweni yethu. Futhi uma uzithola usemjikelezweni othi “ungakholwa - fakazele lokho”, lokhu kuwuphawu oluqinisekile lokuthi ubambekile ekuhlakazweni kwengqondo okwamukelwe ngaphambilini.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

• Naka umehluko phakathi kwalokho okwake kwenzeka ebuntwaneni noma ebuhlotsheni obubuhlungu obudlule, kanye nendlela umlingani wamanje aziphatha ngayo.
• Yabelana nomlingani wakho ngokwesaba kwakho ukusondelana nokwethembana nokungabaza ngothando lwakhe. Ubufakazi obuhle kakhulu bokuthi okwedlule kusemva kwakho ukumangala okuqotho komlingani wakho ekuphenduleni indaba yakho.

3. Siphuthelwa okuthile: izimpawu zokunakwa, ukwanga, izigigaba

Lesi simo asikona ngempela mayelana nobufakazi bothando, kodwa mayelana neqiniso lokuthi kukhona okushodayo njengamanje. Ubudlelwano abunamugqa: ngezinye izikhathi bungasondelana, kwezinye bube buncane kakhulu. Amaphrojekthi amasha, ukuguqulwa kwesimo, ukuzalwa kwezingane kusithinta kakhulu, futhi ngesinye isikhathi singase sizizwe sintula uthando lozakwethu - ngokunembile, okunye ukubonakaliswa kwayo.

Imizwa yethu ithonywa kakhulu ukuthi yiziphi izilimi zothando esizikhuluma komunye nomunye. Wonke umuntu unesethi yakhe: ukwanga, izipho, usizo ekuxazululeni izinkinga, izingxoxo eziseduze ... Cishe unendlela eyodwa noma ezimbili eziholayo zokuveza kanye nokubona uthando. Umlingani wakho angase ahluke ngokuphelele.

Ngokwesibonelo, indoda ingase inikeze umkayo izimbali njalo njengophawu lwemizwa yakhe, kodwa ngeke ezwe uthando lwayo, ngoba ngaphezu kwakho konke udinga ukuthintana ngokomzimba nezingxoxo naye. Ekwelulekeni komndeni, ukutholakala komehluko onjalo ekuboneni kuvame ukutholakala kwangempela, ngisho nasemibhangqwaneni ehlala ndawonye iminyaka eyishumi noma engamashumi amabili.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

• Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi yini ebalulekile kuwe, futhi okucacisa kakhudlwana kuba ngcono. Ngokwesibonelo: “Kubalulekile kimina ukuthi lapho ufika ekhaya, ungange futhi ungiqabule, bese uhlala nami kusofa, futhi, ungibambe ngesandla, ungitshele ukuthi luhambe kanjani usuku lwakho. Ngaleyo ndlela ngizizwa ngithandwa.”

Abaningi bazophikisa: kuvela ukuthi sicela izimemezelo zothando, okusho ukuthi lokhu ngeke kucatshangelwe. Intando. Kulungile ukukhuluma ngawe nokuthi yini ebalulekile kuwena. Lena yindlela ofaka ngayo isandla ebudlelwaneni. Sihluke kakhulu, kodwa asikwazi ukufunda imicabango yomunye nomunye, ngisho noma sifuna ngempela. Isibopho sakho ebudlelwaneni ukuthi uzizwe kahle ngakho, okusho ukuthi kubalulekile ukukhuluma ngawe nomlingani wakho futhi ukhulume ngalokho okudingayo. Njengomthetho, uma ekwazi ukufeza izidingo zakho, khona-ke uzokwenza kalula.

• Buza umlingani wakho ukuthi usebenzisa luphi ulimi ukuveza uthando lwakhe. Qala ukuqaphela indlela akwenza ngayo. Uzomangala ukuthi mangaki ama-mini-feats esiwenzelana nsuku zonke.

Ezikhathini zokwelulekwa ngokwengqondo kwemindeni, ngivame ukuhlangana neqiniso lokuthi abashadile ababoni ukubonakaliswa kothando komunye nomunye - bavele bakubheke njengokuthile okunikiwe noma okungabalulekile. Umyeni akazange amvuse umkakhe futhi wathatha ingane waya engadini, wagqoka ijezi alithandayo, wabizelwa endaweni yokudlela ukuze angazihluphi ngokupheka. Inkosikazi yathengela isithandwa sakhe iyembe elisha, yalalela izindaba zakhe mayelana nomsebenzi ubusuku bonke, yalalisa izingane kusenesikhathi futhi yahlela ubusuku bothando. Kunezibonelo eziningi zokubonakaliswa kothando. Kukithi ukuthi siyabaqaphela yini.

Ngokwami, ngike ngabhekana nezimo ezichazwe ngenhla futhi ngibonga kakhulu ngalokhu okuhlangenwe nakho. Isimo sokuqala saba buhlungu kakhulu kimi, kodwa sangisiza ukuba ngibhekane nesimo sami, esesibili sangivumela ukuba ngibhekane nokuhlukumezeka kwengqondo okuningi futhi sangifundisa ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokwesaba nokungokoqobo, kanti esesithathu ekugcineni safakazela isidingo senkhulumomphendvulwano nabathandwayo. eyodwa. Ngezinye izikhathi kwakunzima kimi ukuhlukanisa isimo esisodwa kwesinye, kodwa nokho ngangiqiniseka ukuthi uma kunesifiso sokuzisiza nokuzwa impendulo, siyofika nakanjani.