Sonke siyaphupha ngayo, kodwa uma ifika ezimpilweni zethu, bambalwa abangayithwala futhi bayigcine. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka? Izitatimende zikadokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo u-Adam Philips zokuthi kungani uthando luletha ubuhlungu nokukhungatheka.
Asithandani kakhulu nomuntu njengokuphupha nje ukuthi umuntu angagcwalisa kanjani ukungabi nalutho kwethu kwangaphakathi, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Adam Philips. Uvame ukubizwa ngokuthi "imbongi yokukhungatheka", okuyinto uPhilips ebheka isisekelo sanoma iyiphi impilo yomuntu. Ukukhungatheka uhla lwemizwa engemihle ukusuka entukuthelweni kuye ekudabukeni esiba nakho lapho sihlangabezana nesithiyo endleleni eya emgomweni wethu esiwufunayo.
UPhillips ukholelwa ukuthi ukuphila kwethu okungaphili—lokho esikwakha ngenganekwane, sikucabange—ngokuvamile kubaluleke kakhulu kithi ukwedlula izimpilo esiziphilayo. Ngeke sizicabange ngokoqobo nangokomfanekiso ngaphandle kwazo. Esiphupha ngakho, esikulangazelelayo yimibono, izinto kanye nabantu abangekho empilweni yethu yangempela. Ukungabikho okudingekayo kwenza umuntu acabange futhi athuthuke, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo kuphazamisa futhi acindezeleke.
Encwadini yakhe ethi Lost, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ( psychoanalyst ) siyabhala: “Kubantu banamuhla, abakhathazwa ithuba lokuzikhethela, ukuphila okuphumelelayo kuwukuphila esiphila ngakho ngokugcwele. Sixakwe yilokho okushodayo ezimpilweni zethu nokuthi yini esivimbela ekutholeni zonke izinjabulo esizifisayo.
Ukukhungatheka kuba yisisusa sothando. Naphezu kobuhlungu, kukhona okusanhlamvu okuhle kuwo. Isebenza njengesibonakaliso sokuthi umgomo oyifunayo ukhona endaweni ethile esikhathini esizayo. Ngakho-ke, sisenokuthile okufanele sikulwele. Ama-Illusions, okulindelwe kuyadingeka ukuze kube khona uthando, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lolu thando lubazali noma luvusa inkanuko.
Zonke izindaba zothando ziyizindaba zesidingo esingafezeki. Ukungena othandweni kuwukuthola isikhumbuzo salokho owaphucwa kona, futhi manje kubonakala kuwe ukuthi ukutholile.
Kungani uthando lubaluleke kangaka kithi? Kusizungezile okwesikhashana ngenkohliso yephupho lifezekile. NgokukaPhilips, "zonke izindaba zothando ziyizindaba zesidingo esingafezeki ... Ukuthandana kuwukukhunjuzwa ngalokho owawuncishwe khona, futhi manje ucabanga ukuthi ukutholile."
Ngokuqondile «kubonakala» ngoba uthando alukwazi ukuqinisekisa ukuthi izidingo zakho zizohlangatshezwa, futhi ngisho noma kwenzeka, ukukhungatheka kwakho kuzoguqulwa kube enye into. Ngokombono we-psychoanalysis, umuntu esithandana naye ngempela yindoda noma owesifazane ovela emaphusheni ethu. Sazisungula ngaphambi kokuba sihlangane nazo, hhayi ngokuphuma ezeni (akukho lutho oluvela ezeni), kodwa ngesisekelo sokuhlangenwe nakho kwangaphambilini, kokubili okwangempela nokucatshangwayo.
Sibona sengathi kade sazana nalo muntu, ngoba ngomqondo othile siyamazi ngempela, uyinyama negazi eliphuma kithi. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi sesilinde iminyaka ngokoqobo ukuze sihlangane naye, sizizwa sengathi sesineminyaka eminingi simazi lo muntu. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ekubeni umuntu ohlukile onobuntu bakhe kanye nemikhuba yakhe, ubonakala engowezizwe kithi. Umuntu ongamazi.
Futhi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi silinde kangakanani, futhi sethemba, futhi saphupha ukuhlangana nothando lwempilo yethu, kuphela lapho sihlangana naye, siqala ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa nguye.
Indida iwukuthi ukubonakala ekuphileni kwethu kwento yothando kuyadingeka ukuze sizwe ukungabikho kwayo.
Indida iwukuthi ukubonakala ekuphileni kwethu kwento yothando kuyadingeka ukuze sizwe ukungabikho kwayo. Ukulangazelela kungase kwandulele ukubonakala kwayo ezimpilweni zethu, kodwa sidinga ukuhlangana nothando lokuphila ukuze sizwe ngokushesha ngokugcwele ubuhlungu esingase silahlekelwe yikho. Uthando olusha lusikhumbuza ngeqoqo lethu lokwehluleka nokwehluleka, ngoba lithembisa ukuthi izinto zizohluka manje, futhi ngenxa yalokhu, luba nokubaluleka ngokweqile.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuzwa wethu unamandla futhi ungenasithakazelo kangakanani, into yawo ayikwazi ukusabela ngokugcwele kuwo. Ngakho ubuhlungu.
Endabeni yakhe ethi "Ekudlaleni Ngothando," uPhilips uthi "ubudlelwane obuhle bungakhiwa yilabo bantu abakwazi ukubhekana nokukhungatheka okuqhubekayo, ukukhungatheka kwansuku zonke, ukungakwazi ukufeza umgomo oyifunayo. Labo abakwaziyo ukulinda nokubekezela futhi bangakwazi ukuvumelanisa imicabango yabo kanye nempilo engeke ikwazi ukukuhlanganisa ngqo.
Lapho sikhula, sibhekana kangcono nokukhungatheka, amathemba kaPhillips, futhi mhlawumbe yilapho sizwana kangcono nothando ngokwalo.