Ngokudelela wonke umuntu: kungani sidinga amavukela-mbuso?

Iningi lethu like lahlangana nabantu abanjalo ebuntwaneni bethu. Khumbula umfundi ofunda naye owayehlale ephikisana nothisha, ehlezi ngaphansi kwedeski futhi ehleka ezithombeni zeqembu?

Ukukhula, abantu abanjalo bahlala bethembekile kubo: baphikisana nobuholi ngesizathu noma ngaphandle kwesizathu, bagxeka yonke imibono «evamile» futhi baphazamise iziphakamiso zabo eziqinile kuzo zonke izingxoxo. Noma ngabe uthini, bazosho okuhlukile ngokuzenzakalela. Lesi yisici sobuntu cishe okungenakwenzeka ukusifihla.

“Nakuba izihlubuki zingase ziziphathe ngendlela efanayo, azifani zonke,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika uRobert Sternberg. — Abanye abantu bacasulwa ukuzwana nokucwasana, abanye bakholelwa ukuthi imithetho yakhelwe ukuba yephulwe, abanye bacabange ngendlela exakayo futhi babheke impilo ngendlela ehlukile kweyabanye.

Abantu abaqanjiwe ikakhulukazi baphila naphezu kwakho konke. Nakuba kukhona abahlubuki abangaqambi nhlobo - abajabulisi. Futhi basekhona abaphakamisa ukuzethemba ngokuziphatha kokubhikisha.”

Bacabanga ngendlela ehlukile

Umphathi wezokukhangisa oneminyaka engu-37 ubudala uVictoria unekhono elihle lokuqhamuka nemibono yasekuqaleni nenesibindi. Kepha indlela yakhe yokuwadlulisela idala ukudideka kozakwabo, ukuyibeka kancane.

“Lapho sixoxa ngomsebenzi omusha nalo lonke iqembu emhlanganweni, kungikhuthaza kakhulu,” kusho uVictoria. “Ngokushesha ngiyabona ukuthi kungenzeka kanjani, futhi nginomuzwa wokuthi kufanele ngitshele engikutholile ngokushesha, ngisho noma omunye umuntu ekhuluma ngesikhathi esifanayo. Yebo, kunzima kimina ukuthi ngithule uma uzakwethu eqhamuka nombono ongasebenzi.”

Uyavuma ukuthi uzizwa enamahloni lapho ebhekene nokusabela okubandayo ekungeneleleni kwakhe, kodwa namanje akaboni ukuthi ubonisa ukukhukhumala nokuzikhukhumeza kunobuciko.

“Awunakusho ukuthi abantu abanjalo banenkani futhi bayadelela ngamabomu,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uSandy Mann wase-University of Central Lancashire. Singase sibheke abahlubuki njengabakhulumeli bakadeveli, kodwa ngokuvamile benza izahlulelo zabo ezicashile ngobuqotho obuphelele, hhayi ngenjongo yokubekela inselele umbono womunye umuntu.

Banethalente - ukubona izinto ngendlela engalindelekile, ukwenza izinqumo ezingavamile, ngaphandle kokwesaba izahlulelo zabanye abantu.

Kodwa uma amavukela-mbuso engafuni ukuhlukanisa nabanye, kufanele agxile ekusebenzelaneni neqembu, aqondise imizamo yawo ngokuqondile yokuxazulula izinkinga futhi agweme ukungqubuzana ngobuqotho.

"Ukuba "izimvu ezimnyama" emphakathini onokucabanga kwendabuko kuwubuciko obuphelele. Labo abacabanga ngendlela exakayo bavame ukwenza amaphutha ebudlelwaneni babantu, kusho umeluleki webhizinisi uKarl Albrecht. "Akuvamile ukuthi bazi ukuthi bangayidlulisela kanjani imibono yabo kwabanye: bavame ukuyiveza njengengxabano engxabanweni, bavimbele abanye abantu ukuthi bayibone kahle, ngoba bakwenza ngokudelela nangokungacunuli."

U-Karl Albrecht uyavuma ukuthi yena ngokwakhe wake waba "yizimvu ezimnyama", kodwa wakwazi ukuthuthukisa amakhono adingekayo omphakathi, ikakhulukazi, ikhono lokuqaphela imizwa, imizwa, isimo sengqondo sabanye abantu.

“Inkinga enkulu akukhona ukuthi umuntu ucabanga ngendlela ehlukile, kodwa indlela aveza ngayo umbono wakhe,” usho kanje. "Imikhuba yakhe ingasabisa."

Kuthiwani uma uyisihlubuki?

Ungakubonisa kanjani ukucabanga kwakho okuyindida ngaphandle kokucasula futhi ngaphandle kokuphikisa abanye? Okokuqala nje, uma unombono ongajwayelekile, wuveze ngokucacile, bese uwabelana nabanye.

Zama ukusebenzisa silulumagama esifanayo, ukushintshashintsha kwenkulumo kanye nemithombo yolwazi efanayo nabakhulumeli bakho. Futhi funda ukukhululeka lapho abantu begxeka imibono yakho.

“Ukuphila namavukela-mbuso nezimvu ezimnyama kudinga ukubekezela okukhulu kwabathandekayo babo, ngoba kugcwele izingxabano,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRobert Sternberg sase-University of Oklahoma. - Kodwa kwabanye, ubudlelwano obunjalo buyakhuthaza futhi buthuthukise - babona ngisho nokuxabana okuvamile ukubonakaliswa kothando.

Uma bobabili abalingani bethanda ukuxabana futhi bejabulela ngokulinganayo lezi zingxabano, ubudlelwano babo buzohlomula kuphela. Kodwa qaphela ukuthi ungangeni ku-duel yamazwi nembuka uma ufuna into eyodwa kuphela: ukumvalela ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngezinye izikhathi siqala ukuphikisana siphendula, sicabanga ukuthi ngale ndlela sizovikela amalungelo ethu futhi sizuze umphumela omuhle kakhulu kithi. Kodwa okuwukuphela kwento isihlubuki esiyifunayo ukunaka isikhundla saso. Noma uvumelana naye ngamaphuzu A no-B, amaphuzu C no-D azolandela.

Nquma ukuthi yini ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe: vala isihloko noma uqhubeke nokulwa. Yinye kuphela indlela yokuthulisa isihlubuki - ukungayinaki inkulumo yakhe, futhi ungabambelele kukho, uzibangele umlilo.

Dlubulunda ngaphakathi kuwo wonke umuntu

Nokho, ukuxhumana namavukela-mbuso kuyasiza komunye nomunye wethu. Lapho senqaba ukulwa nabanye futhi sigwema ukungqubuzana ngenkuthalo, sivame ukwenza izinto ngendlela elimaza thina, ngakho kungaba usizo ukuba samukele izimfanelo ezithile zokuvukela.

Kwesinye isikhathi kumane kungenzeki ukusho isikhundla sakho bese udweba imingcele ngaphandle kokungqubuzana. Uma sinesibindi sokusho noma ukwenza okuthile okuphambene, asiqinisekisi ubuntu bethu kuphela, kodwa futhi nobuntu bomunye: "Angifani nawe, futhi awufani nami." Kwezinye izimo, lena ukuphela kwendlela yokuba nguwe.