Okuqukethwe
Lapho indodakazi iba umama, kuyisiza ukuba ibheke unina ngamehlo ahlukene, imqonde kangcono futhi iphinde ihlole ubuhlobo bayo nayo ngandlela thize. Kuphela lapha akuhlali njalo futhi hhayi wonke umuntu kuvela. Yini evimbela ukuqondana?
“Lapho kuzalwa ingane yami yokuqala, ngamxolela umama konke,” kuvuma uZhanna oneminyaka engu-32, okwathi lapho eneminyaka engu-18 wabaleka cishe edolobheni lakubo waya eMoscow ngenxa yokulawula kwakhe ngokweqile kanye ne-diktat. Ukuqashelwa okunjalo akuyona into engavamile. Nakuba kwenzeka okuphambene: ukubukeka kwengane kwandisa ubuhlobo, kwandisa ukucasuka kanye nezimangalo zendodakazi kumama, futhi kuba yisikhubekiso esisha ekuxabaneni kwabo okungapheli. Ixhumene nani?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uTerry Apter sithi: “Ukuguqulwa kwendodakazi esikhulile ekubeni ngumama kuvusa kuyo yonke inkumbulo yobuntwana, yonke imizwelo ehlobene neminyaka yokuqala yokuphila nokukhula kwayo, izenzo nokusabela kukamama. - Futhi lezo zindawo zokungqubuzana, lezo zinkathazo kanye nokungaqondakali okwavela ebuhlotsheni babo, kuboniswa ngokungenakugwenywa ebudlelwaneni nengane. Ngaphandle kokuqaphela lezi zinkinga, sisengozini yokuphinda indlela efanayo yokuziphatha komama esingathanda ukuyigwema nezingane zethu.”
Ukusabela okukhunjulwayo kwabazali, esingakwazi ukulawula esimweni esizolile, kuphuma kalula esimweni esicindezelayo. Futhi kumama kunenqwaba yezimo ezinjalo. Ngokwesibonelo, umntwana owenqaba ukudla isobho angase abangele ukucasuka okungalindelekile kumama, ngoba wahlangabezana nokusabela okufanayo ebuntwaneni kumama wakhe.
Ngezinye izikhathi indodakazi endala iba ngumama, kodwa isaziphatha njengengane enenkani.
UKarina oneminyaka engu-40 uthi: “Esizukulwaneni sikamama, akuvamile ukuncoma, ukuncoma, futhi kunzima ukulinda amazwi okuvunyelwa nguye. “Kuyabonakala ukuthi usacabanga ukuthi ngiyazikhukhumeza. Futhi bengilokhu ngikukhumbula lokho. Ngakho-ke, ngincamela ukudumisa indodakazi yami ngezimpumelelo ezincane kakhulu.
Abesifazane bavame ukuvuma ukuthi omama babo abazange babalalele ngempela. “Lapho ngiqala ukuchaza okuthile, wangiphazamisa futhi waveza umbono wakhe,” kukhumbula uZhanna. Manje lapho enye yezingane imemeza: “Awungilaleli!”, ngokushesha ngizizwa nginecala futhi ngizama ngempela ukulalela nokuqonda.”
Yakha ubuhlobo babantu abadala
"Ukuqonda umama wakho, ukucabanga kabusha ngesitayela sakhe sokuziphatha kunzima ikakhulukazi endodakazini endala eyayinohlobo oluphazamisekile lokunamathela eminyakeni yayo yokuqala - unina wayenonya noma egodola naye, wayishiya isikhathi eside noma wayixosha. ,” kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uTatyana Potemkina. Noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, unina wamvikela ngokweqile, akazange avumele indodakazi yakhe ukuba ibonise ukuzimela, ngokuvamile yayigxeka futhi ilulaza izenzo zayo. Kulezi zimo, ukuxhumana kwabo ngokomzwelo kuhlala kusezingeni lobudlelwano bomzali nengane iminyaka eminingi.
Kwenzeka ukuthi indodakazi endala iba ngumama, kodwa isaziphatha njengengane enzima futhi ayikwazi ukuthwala umthwalo wempilo yayo. Wenza izimangalo ezijwayelekile kumuntu osemusha. Ukholelwa ukuthi unina uphoqelekile ukuba amsize ekunakekeleni ingane. Noma iqhubeka incike kuye ngokomzwelo - ngombono wakhe, bheka, isinqumo.
Ukuthi ukuzalwa komntwana kucindezela inqubo yokuqeda ukwehlukana noma cha kuxhomeke kakhulu endleleni owesifazane osemusha azizwa ngayo ngokuba ngumama. Uma ekwamukela, ephatha ngenjabulo, uma ezwa ukusekela komlingani wakhe, khona-ke kulula kuye ukuqonda umama wakhe futhi amise ubuhlobo obudala naye.
Izwa imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi
Ukuba ngumama kungabhekwa njengomsebenzi onzima, noma kungaba lula kakhulu. Kodwa noma kungaba yini, bonke abantu besifazane babhekana nemizwa engqubuzana kakhulu ngabantwana babo - ngesisa nentukuthelo, isifiso sokuvikela nokulimaza, ukuzimisela ukuzidela nokubonisa ubugovu ...
“Lapho indodakazi esikhulile ihlangabezana nalolu hlobo lwemizwa, izuza okuhlangenwe nakho okuyihlanganisa nonina, futhi ithole ithuba lokuyiqonda kangcono,” kuphawula uTerry Apter. Futhi ngisho nokumxolela ngamaphutha athile. Phela naye unethemba lokuthi ezakhe izingane zizomxolela ngelinye ilanga. Futhi amakhono owesifazane okhulisa ingane amakhosi - ikhono lokuxoxisana, ukwabelana ngezidingo zakhe ezingokomzwelo nezifiso zendodana yakhe (indodakazi), ukusungula ukunamathela - uyakwazi ngempela ukusebenzisa ubudlelwano nomama wakhe. Kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba owesifazane aqaphele ukuthi ngandlela thile unina uyaphinda nakanjani. Futhi akuyona into embi kakhulu engenzeka kubunikazi bakhe. "
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Izincomo ze-psychotherapist u-Tatyana Potemkina
“Khuluma nomama wakho ngobunina bakhe. Buza: “Bekunjani kuwe? Unqume kanjani ukuba nomntwana? Wena nobaba wakho nanquma kanjani ukuthi nizoba nezingane ezingaki? Wazizwa kanjani lapho uthola ukuthi ukhulelwe? Yibuphi ubunzima owabunqoba ngonyaka wokuqala wempilo yami? Abuze ngokukhula kwakhe, ukuthi unina wamkhulisa kanjani.
Lokhu akusho ukuthi umama uzokwabelana ngakho konke. Kodwa indodakazi izosiqonda kangcono isithombe sokuba ngumama esikhona emndenini, kanye nobunzima abesifazane emndenini wabo ngokwesiko ababhekana nabo. Ukukhuluma ngomunye nomunye, mayelana nokunqoba izinkinga kusondelene kakhulu.
Xoxisana ngosizo. Umama wakho akuyena, futhi unempilo yakhe. Ungakwazi ukuxoxisana kuphela mayelana nokwesekwa kwakhe, kodwa awukwazi ukulindela ukuhlanganyela kwakhe ngaphandle kokwehluleka. Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuhlangana nomndeni wonke futhi nixoxe ngamathemba ngisho nangaphambi kokuzalwa komntwana: ngubani ozomnakekela futhi ahlale naye ebusuku, yiziphi izinsiza ezibonakalayo emndenini, indlela yokuhlela isikhathi samahhala umama omncane. Ngakho uzogwema okulindelwe okukhohlisiwe nokudumazeka okujulile. Futhi uzizwe sengathi umndeni wakho uyiqembu.”