Okuqukethwe
Kusukela ekutholakaleni kwe-bipolarity kuya esifisweni somntwana
“Ngatholakala ngine-bipolar ngineminyaka engu-19. Ngemva kwesikhathi sokucindezeleka okubangelwa ukufeyila ezifundweni zami, angizange ngilale nhlobo, ngangikhuluma, ngisezingeni eliphezulu, ngijabule ngokweqile. Kwaba okuxakayo ngase ngiziyela mina esibhedlela. Ukuxilongwa kwe-cyclothymia kwehla futhi ngalaliswa esibhedlela amasonto amabili esibhedlela sabagula ngengqondo eNantes. Ngabe sengiqhubeka nenkambo yokuphila kwami. Bekungeyami okokuqala manic attack, wonke umkhaya wami wangisekela. Angizange ngiwe, kodwa ngaqonda ukuthi njengoba abanesifo sikashukela kufanele basebenzise i-insulin impilo yonke, kufanele ngithathe a ukwelashwa impilo yonke ukuzinzisa isimo sami sengqondo ngoba ngine-bipolar. Akulula, kodwa kufanele wamukele ukuhlushwa ubuthakathaka obudlulele obungokomzwelo futhi ubhekane nezinkinga. Ngaqeda izifundo zami futhi ngahlangana noBernard, engangihamba naye iminyaka eyishumi nanhlanu. Ngithole umsebenzi engiwuthanda kakhulu futhi ongivumela ukuthi ngiziphilisa.
Ngokuvamile, ngineminyaka engu-30, ngazitshela ukuthi ngingathanda ukuba nomntwana. Ngiphuma emndenini omkhulu futhi bengihlale ngicabanga ukuthi ngizoba nabangaphezu koyedwa. Kodwa njengoba ngine-bipolar, ngangesaba ukudlulisela isifo sami enganeni yami futhi angikwazanga ukwenza isinqumo.
“Kwadingeka ngisithethelele isifiso sami somntwana ekubeni siyinto engokwemvelo emhlabeni”
Ngineminyaka engu-32, ngatshela umngane wami ngakho, waba manqikanqika, yimi ngedwa engangiphethe lo msebenzi wengane. Saya esibhedlela saseSainte-Anne sobabili, saba ne-aphoyintimenti esakhiweni esisha esilandela omama abakhulelwe kanye nomama abantekenteke ngokwengqondo. Sahlangana nodokotela bengqondo basibuza imibuzo eminingi ukuthola ukuthi kungani sifuna ingane. Ekugcineni, ikakhulukazi kimi! Ngaphenywa ngempela futhi ngayithatha kabi. Kwadingeka ngiqambe, ngiqonde, ngihlaziye, ngithethelele isifiso sami somntwana, lapho kuyinto engokwemvelo kakhulu emhlabeni. Abanye abantu besifazane akumele baziphendulele, kunzima ukusho ukuthi kungani ufuna ukuba ngumama. Ngokwemiphumela yophenyo, ngangilungile, kodwa engangihamba naye kwakungenjalo. Naphezu kwalokho, ngangingenalo ukungabaza ngekhono lakhe lokuba ubaba futhi ngangingenzi iphutha, ungubaba omkhulu!
Ngaxoxa kakhulu nodadewethu, izintombi zami ezazivele omama, ngangiqiniseka ngokuphelele ngami. Yayinde kakhulu. Okokuqala, ukwelashwa kwami kwadingeka kushintshwe ukuze kungabi kubi enganeni yami ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa. Kwathatha izinyanga eziyisishiyagalombili. Lapho ukwelashwa kwami okusha sekuqalile, kwathatha iminyaka emibili ukukhulelwa kwendodakazi yethu ngesidoda. Eqinisweni, kusebenze kusukela ngesikhathi ukuncipha kwami kungitshela ukuthi, “Kodwa Agathe, funda izifundo, abukho ubufakazi obuqinisekile besayensi bokuthi i-bipolarity imvelaphi yezakhi zofuzo. Kunofuzo oluncane futhi ikakhulukazi izici zemvelo ezibaluleke kakhulu. »Emuva kwezinsuku eziyishumi nanhlanu, ngase ngikhulelwe!
Ukuba ngumama isinyathelo ngesinyathelo
Phakathi nokukhulelwa kwami, ngazizwa ngimnandi ngempela, yonke into yayimnandi kakhulu. Umngane wami wayengikhathalela kakhulu, nomndeni wami. Ngaphambi kokuba indodakazi yami izalwe, ngangesaba kakhulu imiphumela yokuntuleka kokulala okuhlobene nokufika komntwana kanye nokucindezeleka kwangemva kokubeletha, kunjalo. Eqinisweni, ngisanda kuba nengane encane eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka ngemva kwesigamu sehora ngemva kokubeletha. Ukuzibophezela okunjalo, ukugeza okunjalo kwemizwa, kothando, nganginamavemvane esiswini sami. Ngangingeyena umama osemncane ocindezelekile. Ngangingafisi ukuncelisa. U-Antonia akazange akhale kakhulu, wayeyingane epholile, kodwa ngangisakhathele futhi ngangiqaphela kakhulu ukulondoloza ubuthongo bami, ngoba kuyisisekelo sokulinganisela kwami. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa zokuqala, ngangingezwa lapho ekhala, ngokwelashwa, ngiba nobuthongo obunzima. UBernard wavuka ebusuku. Wenza njalo ebusuku ezinyangeni ezinhlanu zokuqala, ngakwazi ukulala ngokujwayelekile ngenxa yakhe.
Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa zokuqala ngemva kokubeletha, ngezwa umuzwa wokungajwayelekile ngendodakazi yami. Kwangithatha isikhathi eside ukumnika indawo empilweni yami, ekhanda lami, ukuba ngumama akuyona into esheshayo. Ngabona udokotela wengqondo wengane owathi kimi: “Zinike ilungelo lokuba ngowesifazane ovamile. Ngazenqabela imizwelo ethile. Kusukela ekuqaleni, ngabuyela kimi "Hhayi, ikakhulukazi cha!" Ngalandelela ukuhluka okuncane kwemizwa, ngangifuna kakhulu kimi, kakhulu kunabanye omama.
Imizwa ebusweni bovivinyo lwempilo
Konke kwakuhamba kahle lapho ezinyangeni ezi-5 u-Antonia eba ne-neuroblastoma, isimila ku-coccyx (ngenhlanhla esiteji uziro). Yimina noyise esathola ukuthi akahambi kahle. Wahoxiswa wangabe esachama. Saya egumbini lezimo eziphuthumayo, benza iMRI bathola isimila. Wahlinzwa ngokushesha futhi namuhla useluleme ngokuphelele. Kufanele ilandelwe njalo ezinyangeni ezine ukuze ihlolwe iminyaka eminingana. Njengabo bonke omama ababeyobhekana nesimo esifanayo, ngathuthumela kakhulu ngokuhlinzwa futhi ikakhulukazi ukulinda okungapheli ngesikhathi ingane yami isegunjini lokuhlinzwa. Eqinisweni, ngezwa ukuthi “Uyafa!”, Futhi ngazithola ngisesimweni sokukhathazeka nokwesaba okwesabekayo, ngacabanga okubi kakhulu okubi kakhulu. Ngakhala, ngakhala kwaze kwafona othile engitshela ukuthi ukuhlinzwa kuhambe kahle. Khona-ke ngadla izinsuku ezimbili. Ngangisezinhlungwini, ngikhala njalo, kwabuya konke ukuhlukumezeka empilweni yami. Ngangazi ukuthi ngisenkingeni futhi uBernard wangitshela ukuthi “Ngiyakwenqabela ukuthi ugule futhi!” Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngazitshela: “Nami ngeke ngikwazi ukugula, angisenalo ilungelo, kufanele nginakekele indodakazi yami!” Futhi kwasebenza! Ngathatha i-neuroleptics futhi izinsuku ezimbili zanele ukungikhipha ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo. Ngiyaziqhenya ngokwenza ngokushesha nakahle. Ngangizungezwe kakhulu, ngisekelwa uBernard, umama, udadewethu, wonke umkhaya. Bonke lobu bufakazi bothando bungisizile.
Ngesikhathi indodakazi yami igula, ngavula umnyango owesabekayo kimina engisebenzela ukuwuvala namuhla nodokotela wami wokusebenza kwengqondo. Umyeni wami wathatha yonke into ngendlela enhle: sasinezingqondo ezinhle, okwenza kwaba nokwenzeka ukubona lesi sifo ngokushesha okukhulu, isibhedlela esingcono kakhulu emhlabeni (Necker), udokotela ohlinzayo ongcono kakhulu, ukululama! kanye nokwelapha u-Antonia.
Njengoba sasungula umkhaya wethu, kunenye futhi intokozo emangalisayo ekuphileni kwami. Kunokuba kubangele ukugula kwengqondo, ukuzalwa kuka-Antonia kuye kwangilinganisela, nginesibopho esisodwa ngaphezulu. Ukuba ngumama kunikeza uhlaka, ukuzinza, siyingxenye yomjikelezo wempilo. Angisakwesabi ukuhlukana kwami, angisengedwa, ngiyazi ukuthi ngenzenjani, ngibize bani, ngizothathani uma kwenzeka uhlanya, ngifundile ukuphatha. Odokotela bengqondo bangitshela ukuthi “kwakuwukukhula okuhle kwalesi sifo” futhi “usongo” olulenga phezu kwami alusekho.
Namuhla u-Antonia unezinyanga eziyi-14 ubudala futhi konke kuhamba kahle. Ngiyazi ukuthi ngeke ngisaganga futhi ngiyazi ukuthi ngingawufaka kanjani umshwalense wengane yami ”.