Okuqukethwe
Ubhekene nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomqondo ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, kunzima kakhulu ukuvulela umuntu isifuba futhi. Ufuna ngobuqotho ukuthandana, kodwa ukwesaba ukuphinde ube yinto yokululazeka nokulawula ngokweqile kukuvimbela ukuthi ungathembeli omunye umuntu.
Ngemva kokufunda imodeli ethile yobudlelwano, abaningi bayayikhiqiza ngokuphindaphindiwe. Yini okufanele icatshangelwe ukuze unganyatheli erekeni elifanayo? Iseluleko sochwepheshe kulabo asebehlangabezane nokuhlukunyezwa kozakwethu.
Qonda amaphutha
Okuhlangenwe nakho kobudlelwane obunobuthi kungase kube okubuhlungu kangangokuthi cishe wazibuza izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa: kungani wawudinga, kungani uhlale nomlingani owakulimaza isikhathi eside? “Lolu hlobo lokuzicabangela luwusizo futhi luyadingeka,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarcia Sirota. Qonda (wena noma ngosizo lomelaphi) ukuthi yini ebikubambe ngokuqinile kulobo budlelwano."
Ukuqaphela ukuthi yini eyakuheha kulowo muntu, uzozizwa uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe futhi uqonde ukuthi ungashintsha uhlelo olujwayelekile lobudlelwano. Khona-ke uzobe ungamamukeli kancane kumuntu wohlobo olufanayo, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo uzolahlekelwa ngokushesha ukukhanga kwama-manipulators.
“Into eyinhloko lapho uhlaziya ukuphila kwangaphambili, ungazigxeki kakhulu futhi ungazisoli ngokuhlala nomlingani wakho isikhathi eside,” kunezela uMarcia Sirota. "Bheka izenzo zakho nezinqumo zakho ngokufanele, kodwa ngozwela olukhulu futhi uyeke ukuzihlambalaza nokuba namahloni."
Cabanga ngobudlelwano besikhathi esizayo
“Esikhathini esithile ngemva kokuhlukana, thatha iphepha bese ubhala ukuthi ubona kanjani ubuhlobo benu obulandelayo: lokho okulindele kubo nalokho ongakulungele ukukwamukela kubo,” kweluleka umelaphi womkhaya u-Abby Rodman. Bhala izinto ongeke uzibekezelele. Futhi lapho uthando olusha luqala ukukhula lube okuthile okwengeziwe, khipha lolu hlu futhi ulubonise umlingani wakho. Abantu abasondelene kufanele bahloniphe imingcele yomuntu ngamunye. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma omunye wabo eseke wabhekana nodlame esikhathini esidlule.”
Zikhumbuze ngezidingo zakho
Uchithe iminyaka nomuntu obekuphoxa wacabanga ukuthi izidingo zakho azisho lutho. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokucabangela ukuthi kungenzeka yini ubuhlobo obusha, zilalele, uvuselele amaphupho akho nezifiso zakho. “Nquma ukuthi yini onesithakazelo kuyo nokuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela ekuphileni,” kunxusa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika uMargaret Paul.
Xhumana kabusha nabangane bakudala. Ngale ndlela uzoba neqembu lokusekela elithembekile ngesikhathi ungena ebudlelwaneni obusha.
Naka indlela oziphatha ngayo. Mhlawumbe uzehlulele kabuhlungu? Mhlawumbe unikeze umlingani wakho ilungelo lokunquma ukuthi ubaluleke kangakanani nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze? Abantu abasizungezile bavame ukusiphatha ngendlela esiziphatha ngayo. Ngakho ungazilahli noma uzikhaphele. Uma usufunde ukuzinakekela, uzothola ukuthi uheha abantu abanothando nabathembekile.
Buyisela ukuxhumana
Ngokunokwenzeka, umlingani wangaphambili ulawule isikhathi sakho samahhala futhi akakuvumelanga ukuthi ukhulume kakhulu nabangane nezihlobo. Manje njengoba usuwedwa futhi, zinike isikhathi sokuphinde uxhumane nabangane bakudala. Ngale ndlela uzoba neqembu lokusekela elithembekile ngesikhathi ungena ebudlelwaneni obusha.
“Uma ukhohlwa abangane nabathandekayo, uncika ngokuphelele kumuntu oyedwa, okwenza kube nzima ukuhlukana naye kamuva,” kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uCraig Malkin, uthisha eHarvard Medical School. - Ngaphezu kwalokho, abangane bavame ukubona lokho ongase ungakuqapheli, ngoba ukuthandana kuhlanganisa ingqondo. Ngokuxoxa ngemizwa yakho nendlela ozizwa ngayo nalabo abakwazi kahle, uyosibona ngokucace kakhudlwana isimo.
Phawula ingozi
“Ungazivumeli ukuba uthembele kokuhlangenwe nakho okubi futhi ucabange ukuthi awukwazi ukuba nobuhlobo obujabulisayo nobunempilo,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKristin Devin. Uzothola uthando, udinga nje ukuxhumana nezidingo zakho. Qaphela futhi ungaphuthelwa izimpawu zengozi - ngokuvamile zaziwa yiwo wonke umuntu, kodwa abaningi bavame ukuzishaya indiva.
Umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi ubekhanyisa igesi ukuze akwenze ubuze ukubaluleka kwakho.
“Izingxoxo eziqotho phakathi kozakwethu mayelana nesikhathi esidlule, mayelana nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, kuyisihluthulelo sokwakha ukwethembana ebuhlotsheni obusha,” kukhumbula u-Abby Rodman. Yabelana ngalokho ohlangabezane nakho ngaleso sikhathi nokuthi kucekele phansi kanjani ukuzethemba kwakho. Vumela umlingani omusha abone ukuthi awukakalulami futhi udinga isikhathi salokhu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, indlela asabela ngayo ekukhulumeni kwakho ngokungagwegwesi izokutshela okuningi ngalo muntu.
Lalela intuition yakho
“Lapho ubekezelela ukuxhashazwa, uqala ukukushaya indiva ukwazi kwakho,” kunezela uCraig Malkin. - Olunye uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo - ukukhanya kwegesi - ukukwenza ungabaze ukufaneleka kwakho lapho uzwa ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. Isibonelo, lapho uvuma kumlingani ukuthi uyangabaza ukwethembeka kwakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi ukubize ngokungalinganiseli ngokwengqondo.
Uma kukhona okukukhathazayo, ungacabangi ukuthi une-paranoid, kunalokho zama ukubhekana nendaba ekukhathazayo. “Tshela umlingani wakho indlela ozizwa ngayo,” kweluleka uchwepheshe. “Ngisho noma wenza iphutha, umuntu okuhloniphayo nokwaziyo ukuzwelana naye uzozinika isikhathi sokuxoxa nawe ngezinto ezikukhathazayo. Uma enqaba, khona-ke, ngokusobala, imvelo yakho ayizange ikukhohlise.
“Zithembise ukuthi kusukela manje uzotshela isithandwa sakho konke okungahambisani nawe,” kuphetha u-Abby Rodman. "Uma enentshisekelo yokuthi ubhekane nokulimala, ngeke avale ukuphendula, kodwa uzozama ukusiza."