Ukuhlukana akubuqedi ngaso sonke isikhathi ubuhlobo nomuntu owayekade eqhubeka nokuba nomthelela empilweni yakho, eziphatha ngendlela engalindelekile futhi edelela. Udelela, uyacindezela, uyathuka, uyaphoqa ukuthi aguqule izinqumo nezinhlelo. Indlela yokuziphatha esimweni esinjalo? Yini okufanele uyenze ukuze umise ulaka olubhekiswe kuwe?
Lowo owayengumyeni wathumela u-Natalia umyalezo owawuqukethe inhlamba nokusongela ukuphila kwakhe. Ngakho wasabela ngokwenqaba ukushintsha isimiso semihlangano yakhe nendodana yakhe. Bekungekhona okokuqala emsabisa - ezikhathini eziningi wayeqala ukuhlasela emhlanganweni, uma engakwazi ukufaka ingcindezi ngezinye izindlela.
Kodwa kulokhu usongo lwaqoshwa ocingweni, futhi uNatalya wabonisa umlayezo emaphoyiseni. Eziphendulela umyeni waqasha ummeli wathi lowo owayengunkosikazi ngowokuqala ukumesabisa. Kwadingeka ngingenele impi ayidedela. Izinkantolo, abameli bafuna imali, ukuxhumana nomuntu owayeshade naye kwakukhathaza. UNataliya wayekhathele, wayedinga ukuphumula. Wayefuna indlela yokuzivikela, anciphise ukuxhumana naye ngaphandle kokungenelela kwenkantolo namaphoyisa.
Izinyathelo ezi-7 ezilula zisize ukubeka owayengumyeni wakhe endaweni yakhe.
1. Nquma ukuthi kungani usothandweni
U-Natalya wayesaba umyeni wakhe wangaphambili, kodwa kwakudingeka akhulume naye, ngoba babehlangene nengane evamile, inkathi edlule evamile. Kodwa lapho exoxa ngezindaba nezinkinga, wayevame ukuphendukela kubuntu, ekhumbula izikhalo ezindala, ethuka, eholwa kude nesihloko sengxoxo.
“Njalo uma uxoxa nomuntu, zikhumbuze ukuthi kungani uxhumana naye. Esimweni ngasinye, kufanelekile ukubeka imingcele ethile futhi unamathele kuyo ngokuqinile, "kweluleka isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uChristine Hammond.
2. Beka imingcele
Ukuvuleleka nokwethembeka ebudlelwaneni kungenzeka kuphela uma uzizwa uphephile. Esimeni sokungqubuzana, ngokuphambene nalokho, kuyadingeka ukusungula imingcele eqinile futhi uyivikele, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umlingani wangaphambili uphikisana kanjani.
“Ungesabi ukubeka imingcele, ngokwesibonelo, wenqaba ukukhulumisana ngamazwi, imihlangano yomuntu siqu, ukuxoxa ngebhizinisi kuphela ngemiyalezo. Akudingekile ukuchaza izizathu, kwanele nje ukubeka umhlaseli ngaphambi kweqiniso, "kusho uChristine Hammond.
3. Yamukela ukuthi owake wathandana naye ngeke ashintshe.
Yiqiniso, asilindele uthando nokuqonda kumuntu oyingozi nonolaka. Nokho, uNataliya wayenethemba lokuthi uma evumelana nezimfuno zomyeni wakhe, wayezoyeka ukumthuka. Kodwa lokhu akwenzekanga. Kwadingeka acabange kabusha ngalokho ayekulindele. Wabona ukuthi wayengeke akwazi ukushintsha ukuziphatha kwakhe nganoma iyiphi indlela futhi wayengenacala ngaye.
4. Zivikele
Kuhlale kubuhlungu ukubona ukuthi besimethemba umuntu ongafanele. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ngeke sikwazi ukuzivikela. Ukuze afihle intukuthelo nokudelela komlingani wakhe wangaphambili, u-Natalya waqala ukucabanga ukuthi ukudelela nokuhlambalaza kwakhe kubonakala sengathi kuphuma kuye ngaphandle kokulimaza.
5. “Hlola” i-ex yakho
Ngaphambilini, lapho umyeni wangaphambili eziphatha ngokuthula isikhathi esithile, u-Natalya waqala ukukholelwa ukuthi lokhu kwakuyoba njalo, futhi isikhathi ngasinye wayenephutha. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, efundiswa okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, waqala “ukumvivinya”. Ngokwesibonelo, wamtshela okuthile futhi wahlola ukuthi wayezomsebenzisa kabi yini ukumethemba. Ngifunde imiyalezo yakhe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze ngazi kusenesikhathi ukuthi ukusiphi isimo sengqondo futhi ngilungiselele ingxoxo naye.
6. Ungasheshi
U-Natalya wanciphisa isikhathi sezingxoxo ngokuhlela izingcingo mayelana nengane kusengaphambili. Uma umhlangano womuntu siqu wawungenakugwenywa, wayethatha omunye wabangane bakhe noma izihlobo ahambe naye. Wayengasajahile ukuphendula imilayezo nezicelo zakhe, futhi wacubungula ngokucophelela wonke amagama nezinqumo.
7. Yakha imithetho yokuxhumana
Lapho usebenzisana nomuntu onolaka, kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi ubambelele ngokuqinile emigomeni ombekele yona. Uma umlingani wakho edelela futhi ephakamisa izwi, vele uyeke ukukhuluma. Lapho owayengumyeni kaNatalya eqala ukumthuka, wabhala: “Sizoxoxa kamuva.” Uma engadikibali waluvala ucingo.
Lesi isibonelo sokuguqulwa kokuziphatha. Ukuze umuntu "omuhle" athole umvuzo - baqhubeka nengxoxo naye. Ngokuba "okubi" kulindelwe "isijeziso" - ukuxhumana kuyema ngokushesha. Kwezinye izimo, uNataliya wabonisa imiyalezo yomyeni wakhe komunye wabangane bakhe noma izihlobo futhi wabacela ukuba bamphendule.
Selokhu aqala ukusebenzisa izindlela eziyisikhombisa zokuzivikela odlameni, ubuhlobo bakhe nowayengumyeni wakhe buye baba ngcono. Ngezinye izikhathi waphinde wathatha endala, kodwa uNataliya wayekulungele lokhu. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, waqaphela ukuthi wayengeke esakwazi ukuphatha uNatalia futhi afinyelele lokho ayekufuna ngosizo lwenhlamba. Kwakungasekho sizathu sokucasuka manje.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: U-Kristin Hammond unguchwepheshe wezengqondo owelulekayo, uchwepheshe wezingxabano zomndeni, kanye nomlobi we-Exhausted Woman's Handbook (Xulon Press, 2014).