Ukuphatha kanjani ukuzinakekela uma usebenzisa sonke isikhathi namandla akho kwabanye

Mhlawumbe usujabule kakade ngoba usiza abanye - izingane, umyeni noma unkosikazi, abangane, abazali, noma ngisho nenja yakho oyithandayo. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, cishe kwenzeka okungenani ngezikhathi ezithile ukuze uzizwe ugcwele futhi ukhathele, ngoba cishe awunazo izinsiza zezidingo zakho.

“Izidingo: ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, ngokomoya nangokwenhlalo - wonke umuntu unazo. Futhi asikwazi ukuziba isikhathi eside, sizinikele ekusizeni abanye kuphela, "kuchaza udokotela wezifo zengqondo uSharon Martin.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukukhathalela abanye ngokuzilimaza ngokwakho kungaba uphawu lwe-codependency. Ungahlola ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso noma cha endabeni yakho ngokufunda izitatimende ezingezansi. Iyiphi ovumelana nayo?

• Ubudlelwano bakho nabanye abulingani: ubasiza kakhulu, kodwa uthola okuncane.
• Unomuzwa wokuthi izidingo zakho azibalulekile njengezabanye.
• Uzizwa unesibopho ngenjabulo nenhlalakahle yabanye.
• Uzenzela izimfuno ezingenangqondo kuwe futhi uzizwe unobugovu lapho ubeka izidingo zakho kuqala.
• Ukuzihlonipha kwakho kuncike ekutheni ungakwazi ukunakekela kanjani abanye. Ukusiza abanye kukwenza uzizwe ubalulekile, udingekile futhi uthandwa.
• Uyathukuthela noma ucasuke lapho usizo lwakho lungabongwa noma lungabuyiselwa.
• Uzizwa unesibopho sokusiza, ukuxazulula izinkinga, ukonga.
• Uvame ukunikeza iseluleko ongasicelanga, utshele abanye ukuthi benzeni, ubachazele indlela yokuxazulula izinkinga zabo.
• Awuzethembi futhi wesaba ukugxekwa, ngakho uzama ukujabulisa abanye kukho konke.
• Lapho useyingane, wafunda ukuthi imizwa nezidingo zakho azibalulekile.
• Kubonakala kuwe ukuthi ungaphila ngaphandle kwezidingo zakho.
• Uqinisekile ukuthi awufanelekile ukunakekelwa.
• Awazi ukuthi ungazinakekela kanjani. Akekho owakubonisa lokhu ngesibonelo, akazange akhulume nawe ngemizwa, imingcele yomuntu siqu kanye nemikhuba enempilo.
• Wena ngokwakho awunaso isiqiniseko sokuthi yini oyidingayo, lokho ozizwayo nokuthi yini ongathanda ukuyenza.

Ukunakekela noma ukuzitika kukho konke?

Kubalulekile ukufunda ukuhlukanisa ukunakekela kwangempela nokuzitika ngobubi nobuthakathaka babanye abantu. Ngokuzitika, senza komunye lokho ayengazenzela khona ngokuphelele. Isibonelo, kuhle kakhulu ukushayela ingane eneminyaka engu-10 esikoleni, kodwa asikho isidingo sokushayela indodana noma indodakazi eneminyaka engu-21 ukuya enyuvesi noma emsebenzini.

Kunjalo, icala ngalinye kumele lisingathwe ngokwehlukana. Ake sithi indodakazi yakho yesaba kakhulu ukushayela, kodwa izama ukunqoba ukwesaba kwayo futhi iya kudokotela wezengqondo. Kulokhu, ukumnika ilifti kulungile. Kodwa kuthiwani uma esaba ukushayela, kodwa akenzi lutho ukuze anqobe lokhu kwesaba? Khona-ke, ngokumkhuphula ukuze aye emsebenzini, sivumela ubuthakathaka bakhe, simenze ancike kithi futhi simnikeze ithuba lokuhlehlisa ukuxazulula izinkinga zakhe.

“Ukunakekela izingane ezincane noma abazali asebekhulile kuyinto ejwayelekile njengoba kunzima ukuthi bazenzele bebodwa. Kodwa kuyasiza ukuzibuza ngezikhathi ezithile uma ingane yakho ingakwazi ukwenza okwengeziwe, ngoba ikhula njalo futhi ithuthuka, ithola ulwazi lokuphila futhi ikwazi amakhono amasha, "kweluleka uSharon Martin.

Labo ababonisa ubuthakathaka babanye abantu ngokuvamile yilabo abathambekele ekwenzeni okuningi kwabanye ngenxa yecala, isibopho, noma ukwesaba. Kuhle kakhulu ukuphekela owakwakho isidlo sakusihlwa (nakuba yena engazihambela kahle) uma ubudlelwano benu busekelwe ekusizeni nasekusizaneni. Kodwa uma unikeza kuphela, futhi umlingani uthatha kuphela futhi akakwazisi, lokhu kuyisibonakaliso senkinga ebuhlotsheni.

Awukwazi Ukuyeka Ukuzinakekela

“Ukuzinakekela kufana nokuba ne-akhawunti yasebhange. Uma ukhipha imali engaphezu kwaleyo oyifakile ku-akhawunti, kuzomele ukhokhe ngokusetshenziswa ngokweqile, kuchaza umbhali. Kwenzeka okufanayo nasebudlelwaneni. Uma njalo usebenzisa amandla akho, kodwa ungawagcwalisi, ngokushesha noma kamuva kuzodingeka ukhokhe izikweletu. Lapho siyeka ukuzinakekela, siqala ukugula, ukukhathala, ukukhiqiza kwethu kuncipha, siyacasuka futhi sithinteke.”

Zinakekele ukuze ukwazi ukusiza abanye ngaphandle kokudela injabulo nempilo yakho.

Uzinakekela kanjani wena kanye nomunye umuntu ngesikhathi esifanayo?

Zinike imvume. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula njalo ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuzinakekela. Ungakwazi nokuzibhalela imvume ebhaliwe. Ngokwesibonelo:

(Igama lakho) unelungelo ______________ namuhla (isibonelo: ukuya ejimini).

(Igama lakho) unelungelo lokunga-_______________ (isibonelo: ukuhlala kuze kube sebusuku kakhulu emsebenzini) ngoba efuna ________________ (ukuphumula nokucwiliswa ebhavini).

Izimvume ezinjalo zingase zibonakale zingenangqondo, kodwa zisiza abanye abantu babone ukuthi banelungelo lokuzinakekela.

Zinike isikhathi sakho. Beka eceleni isikhathi ohlelweni lwakho ozosinikela kuwena kuphela.

Beka imingcele. Isikhathi sakho somuntu siqu sidinga ukuvikelwa. Beka imingcele. Uma kakade ungenawo amandla, ungathathi izibopho ezintsha. Uma ucelwa usizo, zibhalele inothi ngemvume yokuthi cha.

Nika abanye imisebenzi. Kungase kudingeke ukuthi unikeze abanye izibopho zakho zamanje ukuze uzikhululele isikhathi. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase ucele umfowenu ukuthi agade ubaba wakho ogulayo ukuze uye kudokotela wamazinyo, noma ungase ucele oshade naye ukuthi aziphekele isidlo sakusihlwa ngoba ufuna ukuya ejimini.

Qaphela ukuthi awukwazi ukusiza wonke umuntu. Ukulwela ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuxazulula izinkinga zabanye abantu noma ukuthwala umthwalo wabanye kungakuletha ekukhathaleni okwethusayo. Lapho ubona umuntu esesimweni esinzima, ngokushesha uba nesifiso sokusiza. Kumele uqale uqinisekise ukuthi usizo lwakho ludingeka ngempela futhi ukulungele ukulwamukela. Kubaluleke ngokufanayo ukuhlukanisa phakathi kosizo lwangempela nokuzitika (futhi sanelisa abanye ngokuyinhloko ukuze sinciphise ukukhathazeka kwethu).

Khumbula ukuthi kungcono ukuzinakekela ngokungajwayelekile kunanini ngaphambili. Kulula kakhulu ukuwela ogibeni lokucabanga ukuthi uma ungakwazi ukwenza yonke into ngokuphelele, akufanelekile ukuzama. Eqinisweni, sonke siyaqonda ukuthi ngisho nemizuzu emihlanu yokuzindla ingcono kunalutho. Ngakho-ke, ungazibukeli phansi izinzuzo zokuzinakekela okuncane (yidla okuthile okunempilo, hamba uzungeze ibhulokhi, shayela umngane wakho omkhulu). Lokhu kubalulekile ukukhumbula lapho uzama ukuthola ukulinganisela phakathi kokuzinakekela wena nokunakekela abanye.

“Ukusiza abanye kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu eyenza ukuphila kwethu kube nenjongo. Akekho ofonayo ukuze angabi nandaba nosizi lwabanye abantu nezinkinga zabanye abantu. Ngiphakamisa kuphela ukuthi uzinike uthando nokunakekela okuningi njengoba unikeza abanye. Khumbula ukuzinakekela futhi ungaphila impilo ende, enempilo nejabulisayo!” ungikhumbuza i-psychotherapist.

Mayelana nombhali: USharon Martin uyi-psychotherapist.