Kungenzeka yini ukuba nenjabulo nenjabulo phakathi nosizi olukhulu? Indlela yokusinda ezingxabanweni ezingashabalali ngokuhamba kwabathandekayo, ukuqhubeka nokusiphazamisa futhi sizizwe sinecala? Futhi ukuthi ungafunda kanjani ukuhlala nenkumbulo yabashonile - izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zithi.
“Esitolo sokudla sasehhovisi, ngezwa ingxoxo emnandi phakathi kwabesifazane ababili ababehlezi eduze. Kwakuyilolu hlobo lwamahlaya lwe-caustic mina nomama esasilwazisa kakhulu. Umama wabonakala ephambana nami, futhi saqala ukuhleka singaqedi. U-Alexandra uneminyaka engu-37, eminyakeni emihlanu edlule umama wakhe washona ngokuzumayo. Iminyaka emibili, usizi, “olubukhali njengodosi,” akuzange kumvumele ukuba aphile ukuphila okuvamile. Ekugcineni, ngemva kwezinyanga eziningi izinyembezi zaphela, futhi nakuba ukuhlupheka kungazange kuphele, kwaguqulwa kwaba umuzwa wokuba khona kwangaphandle kothandekayo. «Ngizwa sengathi useduze kwami, ezolile futhi ejabule, ukuthi siphinde sibe nezindaba nezimfihlo ezifanayo., ezazihlala njalo zinganyamalala ngokufa kwakhe, U-Alexandra uthi. Kunzima ukukuqonda nokuchaza. Umfowethu ukuthola konke lokhu kuxakile. Nakuba engasho ukuthi nginjengohlanya noma ngisho nokuhlanya, ucabanga kanjalo ngokusobala. Manje angitsheli muntu ngakho."
Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuxhumana nabangasekho ngokwesiko lethu, lapho kudingeka ukuba umuntu anqobe usizi ngokushesha aphinde abuke umhlaba ngethemba ukuze ungaphazamisi abanye. “Sesilahlekelwe yikhono lokuqonda abafileyo, ubukhona babo, kubhala isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uTobie Nathan. “Ukuphela kokuxhumana esingakwazi ukuba nakho nabafile ukuzizwa besaphila. Kodwa abanye bavame ukubona lokhu njengophawu lokuncika ngokomzwelo kanye nobungane.1.
Umgwaqo omude wokwamukela
Uma singaxhuma nesithandwa, umsebenzi wokulila uyenziwa. Wonke umuntu wenza ngejubane lakhe. “Kwaphela amasonto, izinyanga, iminyaka, umuntu olilayo elwa nayo yonke imizwa yakhe,” kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNadine Beauthéac.2. - Wonke umuntu ubhekana nalesi sikhathi ngendlela ehlukile.: Kwabanye, usizi alukudeshi, kwabanye luginqika ngezikhathi ezithile - kodwa kuwo wonke umuntu luphela ngokubuyela ekuphileni.
"Ukungabikho kwangaphandle kuthathelwa indawo ubukhona bangaphakathi"
Akukhona mayelana nokwamukela ukulahlekelwa - empeleni, akunakwenzeka ukuvumelana nokulahlekelwa othandekayo - kodwa ngokwamukela okwenzekile, ukuqaphela, ukufunda ukuhlala nakho. Kulokhu kunyakaza kwangaphakathi, isimo sengqondo esisha maqondana nokufa ... kanye nempilo siyazalwa. “Ukungabikhona kwangaphandle kungena esikhundleni sokuba khona kwangaphakathi,” kuqhuba uNadine Boteac. "Futhi hhayi ngoba umufi uyasikhanga, ukuthi ukulila akunakwenzeka, noma ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ngathi."
Ayikho imithetho evamile lapha. “Wonke umuntu ubhekana nokuhlupheka kwakhe ngokusemandleni akhe. Kubalulekile ukuzilalela wena, hhayi “iseluleko esihle,” kuxwayisa uNadine Boteak. — Phela bathi kwabasosizini: ungagcini konke okukukhumbuza ngomufi; ungabe usakhuluma ngaye; isikhathi esiningi sesidlulile; impilo iyaqhubeka… Lena imibono yengqondo engamanga evusa ukuhlupheka okusha futhi andise imizwa yecala kanye nentukuthelo.
Ubudlelwano obungaphelele
Elinye iqiniso: izingxabano, imizwa ephikisanayo esiyitholayo maqondana nomuntu, ayisuki naye. “Zihlala emphefumulweni wethu futhi ziwumthombo wenkathazo,” kuqinisekisa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarie-Frédérique Bacqué. Intsha ehlubukayo eshonelwa omunye wabazali bayo, abashade nabo abahlukanisile, oyedwa wabo ofayo, umuntu omdala okwathi kusukela ebusheni bakhe, wagcina ubuhlobo obunobutha nodadewabo, owashona ...
“Njengokuxhumana nabantu abaphilayo: ubudlelwano buzoba ngokoqobo, bube buhle futhi buzolile lapho siqonda futhi samukela ukufaneleka nokuhle kwabangasekho”
Ungasinda kanjani ekuqubukeni kwemizwa engqubuzanayo futhi ungaqali ukuzibeka icala? Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi le mizwa iyafika. "Ngezinye izikhathi ngaphansi kokucasha amaphupho abuza imibuzo enzima," kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. - Isimo sengqondo esibi noma esingqubuzanayo ngomufi singazibonakalisa ngesimo sokugula okungaqondakali noma ukudabuka okujulile. Engakwazi ukuthola umthombo wokuhlupheka kwabo, umuntu angafuna usizo izikhathi eziningi kodwa kube nhlanga zimuka nomoya. Futhi ngenxa ye-psychotherapy noma i-psychoanalysis, kuyacaca ukuthi udinga ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni nomuntu oshonile, futhi kuklayenti lokhu kushintsha konke.
Amandla abalulekile
Ukuxhumana nabafile kunezinto ezifanayo njengokuxhumana nabaphilayo.: ubudlelwano buzoba bangempela, buhle futhi buzolile lapho siqonda futhi samukela ukufaneleka nokubi kwabangasekho futhi sicabanga kabusha imizwa yethu ngabo. “Lesi isithelo somsebenzi wokulila osufeziwe: siphinde sivakashele izici zobuhlobo nomufi futhi sifinyelele esiphethweni sokuthi kukhona esikugcine esikhumbuzweni sakhe esivumele noma esasivumela ukuba sizilolonge,” kusho uMarie. -Frédéric Baquet.
Ubuhle, izindinganiso, ngezinye izikhathi izibonelo eziphikisanayo - konke lokhu kudala amandla abalulekile adluliselwa esizukulwaneni kuya kwesinye. UPhilip, oneminyaka engu-45 ubudala uyafakaza: “Ukwethembeka nomoya wokulwa kababa uhlezi kimi, njengemoto ebalulekile. “Ukushona kwakhe eminyakeni eyisithupha edlule kwangikhubaza ngokuphelele. Impilo isibuyile lapho ngiqala ukuzwa ukuthi umoya wakhe, izici zakhe zivezwa kimi.
1 T. Nathan "Incazelo entsha yamaphupho"), u-Odile Jacob, 2011.
2 N.Beauthéac «Izimpendulo eziyikhulu zemibuzo yokulila nosizi» (Albin Michel, 2010).