Imicabango yethu inquma imizwa nokuziphatha. Futhi yibo abavame ukusiletha ekucindezelekeni. Indlela elula yokuqala ukulwa nayo ukusebenzisa imithi, okuyinto iningi eliyenzayo. Umbhali othengisa kakhulu we-Mood Therapy, uDavid Burns, ukholelwa ukuthi ezimweni eziningi, ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo ngisho namasu athile alula kuzosiza ukubhekana nesimo sokucindezeleka.
“Ukucindezeleka kuwuhlobo lokuhlupheka olubi kakhulu olubangelwa umuzwa wehlazo odla yonke into, umuzwa wokungabi nto yalutho, ukuphelelwa ithemba kanye nokwehla kwamandla okuziphatha. Ukucindezeleka kungase kube kubi kakhulu kunomdlavuza wesigaba sokugcina ngoba iziguli eziningi ezinomdlavuza zizizwa zithandwa, zinethemba, futhi zinokuzethemba okuhle. Iziguli eziningi ziye zangitshela ukuthi zazifisa ukufa futhi zithandazela njalo ebusuku ukuba kutholakale ukuthi zinomdlavuza futhi zife ngesizotha ngaphandle kokuzibulala,” kubhala uDavid Burns.
Kodwa lesi simo esinzima kakhulu singabhekwana naso, hhayi ngemithi kuphela. UBurns ucaphuna amakhasi angama-25 ezifundo ezehlukene ezisekela ubuqiniso besihlokwana sencwadi esithi, "A Clinically Proven Way to Beat Depression Without Pills." Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siyaqiniseka ukuthi ngosizo lokwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo kungenzeka ukusiza isiguli sibhekane nemizwa yehlazo necala, ukukhathazeka, ukuzethemba okuphansi kanye nezinye "izimbobo ezimnyama" zokucindezeleka. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uBurns uphawula ukuthi kwezinye izimo umuntu akakwazi ukwenza ngaphandle kwemithi, futhi akukho sizathu esibizela ukuyeka izidakamizwa eyedwa. Kodwa incwadi yakhe izokusiza ukuthi ubone ukudangala kusenesikhathi futhi unqobe imicabango engemihle.
“Ukudangala yisifo futhi akumele kube yingxenye yempilo yakho. Ungakwazi ukubhekana nakho ngokufunda izindlela ezimbalwa ezilula zokuphakamisa imizwa yakho,” kuchaza uDavid Burns.
Isinyathelo sokuqala ukukhomba ukuchema kwakho kwengqondo. Ziyishumi zazo.
1. Ukucabanga «Konke Noma Lutho». Kusenza sibone umhlaba ngokumnyama nokumhlophe: uma sehluleka okuthile, kusho ukuthi siyizehluleki.
2. Ukweqisa okujwayelekile. Umcimbi owodwa uthathwa njengochungechunge lokuhluleka.
3. Isihlungi esingesihle. Kuyo yonke imininingwane, sigxile kokubi. Impukane emafutheni iba nesisindo ngaphezu komgqomo omkhulu woju.
4. Ukwehliswa kwe-positive. Okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle, okujabulisayo, okwakhayo akubalwa.
5. Iziphetho ezisheshayo. Noma kungenawo amaqiniso, sifinyelela eziphethweni ezifinyelela kude, sikhiphe isinqumo esingahambisani nengxoxo nesikhalazo. Siyaqiniseka ukuthi othile usabela ngendlela ehlukile kithi, “efunda” imicabango yakhe, noma silindele umphumela ongemuhle wezenzakalo futhi siphathe isibikezelo njengesenzo esingalindelekile.
6. Inhlekelele noma ukubukela phansi. Senza ihaba ngokubaluleka kwezinye izinto nezehlakalo (isibonelo, ukufaneleka kwezinye) futhi silulaza ezinye (ukubaluleka kwezimpumelelo zethu).
7. Isizathu esingokomzwelo. Imizwa yethu iyisilinganiso seqiniso lezehlakalo: «Ngizizwa ngale ndlela, ngakho-ke kunjalo.
8. Kufanele. Sizama ukuzikhuthaza ngamagama athi “kufanele”, “kufanele”, “kufanele”, kodwa aqukethe udlame. Uma thina ngokwethu singenzi okuthile ngosizo lwalesi siswebhu, khona-ke sizizwa sinecala, futhi uma abanye "kufanele", kodwa bengakwenzi, sithola intukuthelo, ukudumazeka nokucasuka.
9. Ukuzifaka uphawu. Indlela eyeqisayo yokweqisa: uma senza iphutha, singabahluliwe, uma omunye "eyi-scoundrel." Sichaza izenzakalo ngolimi lwemizwa, ngaphandle kokucabangela amaqiniso.
10. Ukwenza kube ngokwakho. Siyimbangela yezehlakalo ezingezinhle zangaphandle esingenacala ngazo ekuqaleni. "Ingane ayifundi kahle - kusho ukuthi ngingumzali omubi."
Umgomo uwukufaka esikhundleni semicabango engenangqondo nenonya evele igcwale izingqondo zethu ngemiqondo eyengeziwe.
Ngokumema lokhu kuhlanekezelwa ezimpilweni zethu, simema ukucindezeleka, kusho uDavid Burns. Futhi, ngokufanele, ukulandelela le micabango ezenzakalelayo, ungashintsha isimo sakho. Kubalulekile ukufunda ukugwema imizwa ebuhlungu esekelwe ekuphazamisekeni kwengqondo, ngoba ayithembekile futhi ayifuni. “Uma usufunde ukubona ukuphila ngendlela engokoqobo, ukuphila kwakho ngokomzwelo kuzocebe kakhulu, futhi uzoqala ukwazisa ukudabuka kwangempela, okungenakho ukuhlanekezela, kanye nenjabulo,” kubhala isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.
I-Burns inikeza izivivinyo namasu amaningana azokufundisa ukuthi ungalungisa kanjani ukuhlanekezela okusididayo futhi kucekele phansi ukuzethemba kwethu. Isibonelo, inqubo yamakholomu amathathu: umcabango ozenzakalelayo (ukuzigxeka) urekhodwa kuwo, ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo kunqunywa, futhi ukwakhiwa okusha kokuzivikela (impendulo enengqondo) kuhlongozwayo. Inqubo izokusiza ukuthi uhlele kabusha imicabango yakho ngawe uma wehluleka. Umgomo wayo uwukufaka esikhundleni semicabango engenangqondo nenonya evele igcwale izingqondo zethu ngemicabango ephusile nephusile. Nazi ezinye izibonelo zokubhekana nokuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo okunjalo.
Umcabango ozenzakalelayo: Angenze lutho kahle.
Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo: Ukwenziwa ngokweqile
Impendulo enengqondo: Umbhedo! Ngenza izinto eziningi kahle!
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Umcabango ozenzakalelayo: Ngihlale ngi late.
Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo: Ukwenziwa ngokweqile
Impendulo enengqondo: Angihlali ngi late. Ngifike ngesikhathi izikhathi eziningi! Ngisho noma ngifika sekwephuzile kaningi kunalokho ebengingathanda, ngizobe sengilungisa le nkinga futhi ngibone ukuthi ngingagcina kanjani isikhathi.
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Umcabango ozenzakalelayo: Wonke umuntu uzongibuka sengathi ngiyisilima.
Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo: Ukufunda ingqondo. Overgeneralization. Ukucabanga konke-noma-lutho. Iphutha lokubikezela
Impendulo enengqondo: Abanye bangase bacasuke ukuthi ngifike sekwephuzile, kodwa akuwona ukuphela komhlaba. Umhlangano ngokwawo ungase ungaqali ngesikhathi.
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Umcabango ozenzakalelayo: Kuyakhombisa ukuthi ngilahliwe.
Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo: Bhala
Impendulo enengqondo: Wozani, angisona isihluku. Yeka ukuthi ngiphumelele kangakanani!
“Ukubhala phansi imicabango engemihle nezimpendulo ezihluzekile kungase kubonakale kuwukwenza lula ngokweqile, ukuchitha isikhathi nomsebenzi owenziwe ngobunjiniyela ngokweqile,” kuphawula umlobi wale ncwadi. — Liyini iphuzu lalokhu? Kodwa lesi simo sengqondo singadlala indima yesiprofetho esizigcwalisayo. Kuze kube yilapho uzama leli thuluzi, ngeke ukwazi ukunquma ukusebenza kwalo. Qala ukugcwalisa lawa makholomu amathathu imizuzu engu-15 nsuku zonke, qhubeka amasonto amabili, futhi ubone ukuthi kuwuthinta kanjani umoya wakho. Ngokunokwenzeka, izinguquko esithombeni sakho zizokumangaza.
Umthombo: I-Mood Therapy kaDavid Burns. Indlela efakazelwe ngokomtholampilo yokunqoba ukudangala ngaphandle kwamaphilisi ”(Alpina Publisher, 2019).