Kwesinye isikhathi sisho into eyodwa, kodwa sicabange okuphambene - okuthinta kabi ukuxhumana nabanye abantu. Ungafunda kanjani ukuqonda kangcono ama-interlocutors futhi uthole ulwazi olwengeziwe kubo? Zama ukwehlisa ijubane bese ufaka "i-viscous contact" isimo.
Ekukhulumisaneni kwansuku zonke, sivame ukusabela emazwini oxhumana naye ngokushesha, ngokuzenzakalelayo, futhi lokhu kuholela ezingxabanweni ezingadingekile. Ngifuna ukwabelana ngesingathekiso sami, esiza ukugwema i-automatism enjalo.
Omunye wemisebenzi exazululiwe ku-psychotherapy ukuqonda ukuthi ukuxhumana kweklayenti kusebenza kanjani. Kokubili ingaphandle, nabanye abantu futhi, ikakhulukazi, nomelaphi, nangaphakathi - lapho kukhona inkhulumomphendvulwano phakathi kwezinto ezingaphansi ezahlukene. Kulula kakhulu ukuyiqaqa ngesivinini esiphansi, wehlisa ijubane. Ukuze ube nesikhathi nokuqaphela ezinye izigigaba, futhi uziqonde, bese ukhetha indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphendula.
Lokhu ngikubiza ngokuthi "othintana naye obonakalayo". Ku-physics, i-viscosity idalwa ukumelana kwesikhala: izinhlayiya zento noma insimu zivimbela umzimba ukuthi uhambe ngokushesha kakhulu. Ekuxhumaneni, ukumelana okunjalo kuqinisekisa ukunakwa okusebenzayo.
Ukugxila kokunye, sibonakala sehlisa imizwa ephuma kukho - amagama, ukuthinta, izenzo ...
Indima ekhethekile idlalwe imibuzo ehloswe hhayi kulokho okushiwo umxhumanisi kimi (muphi umbono azama ukuwudlulisela?), kodwa ukuthi lokhu kwenzeka kanjani (ukhuluma ngayiphi ithoni? Uhlala kanjani, uphefumula, uthinta umzimba?) .
Ngakho ngingenza izinto ezimbalwa ngesikhathi esisodwa. Okokuqala, ngisabela kancane kokuqukethwe, okungivumela ukuthi ngehlise ukusabela kwami okuzenzakalelayo. Okwesibili, ngithola ulwazi olwengeziwe, ngokuvamile olufihliwe. Isibonelo, kuseshini ngizwa: "Angikuthandi kakhulu." Ukusabela okujwayelekile kimina kungaba ukuzivikela, ngisho nokuhlasela kokuziphindiselela — “Hhayi-ke, uma ungangithandi, usale kahle.”
Kodwa ngiphendulela ukunaka kwami ukuthi ibinzana elibukhali lalishiwo kanjani, ngayiphi ithoni, ukuthinta nokuma okwakuhambisana nalo, ngehlisa ijubane futhi ngiyicime eyami impendulo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngiyabona: umuntu uzama ukuhlukana nami ngamazwi, kodwa uhlala ngokuzethemba futhi enethezekile esihlalweni, ngokusobala akahlosile ukuhamba.
Bese-ke kuyini? Ungakuchaza kanjani ukuziphatha okunjalo? Ingabe iklayenti ngokwalo lingakwazi ukuyichaza?
Inkhulumomphendvulwano eyakha kakhudlwana kanye nomugqa omusha ekwelapheni kungakhula ekuphikisaneni okutholiwe.
Ngiyazibuza futhi ukuthi kwenzekani kimi: i-interlocutor ingithonya kanjani? Ingabe amazwi akhe ayangicasula noma avusa uzwela? Ingabe ngifuna ukusuka kuye noma ukusondela? Ukuxhumana kwethu kufana kanjani - ukulwa noma ukudansa, ukuhwebelana noma ukubambisana?
Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, amaklayenti afunda ukuphatha ukunaka ngokubuza umbuzo: "Kwenzekani futhi kwenzeka kanjani?" Kancane kancane, bayehlisa ijubane futhi baqale ukuphila ngokunaka kakhudlwana futhi, ngenxa yalokho, ukuphila okucebile. Phela, njengoba omunye umfundisi ongumBuddha asho, uma siphila ngokunganaki, sifela phakathi kwamaphupho.