Ungakwazi ukuhlolana iminyaka eminingi ukuze uthole amandla, noma ungakwazi ukuqonda kusukela ngomzuzu wokuqala ukuthi "uyigazi elifanayo". Kuyenzeka ngempela - abanye bayakwazi ukubona umngane kumuntu omaziyo ngokoqobo ekuboneni kokuqala.
Abantu abaningi bakholelwa othandweni ekuqaleni kokubona. Ucwaningo luye lwafakazela ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi imizuzwana engu-12 yanele ukuthandana. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, kuphakama umuzwa okhethekile onikeza ithemba lokuthi sihlangane naye kanye lowo muntu ebesimkhumbula. Futhi yilo muzwa owenzeka kubo bobabili abalingani obabophayo.
Kuthiwani ngobungane? Ingabe bukhona ubungane ekuqaleni? Kungenzeka yini ukukhuluma ngomzwelo ophansi ohlanganisa abantu, njengabangane abathathu beRemarque? Ingabe bukhona lobo bungane obuhle obuzalwa emizuzwini yokuqala yokwazana kwethu, lapho siqala ukubonana emehlweni?
Uma sibuza abantu esibajwayele ukuthi balindeleni ebunganeni, siyozwa cishe izimpendulo ezifanayo. Siyabathemba abangani, sinomqondo ofanayo wokuhlekisa nabo, futhi kuyathakazelisa ngathi ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Abanye basheshe babone umuntu abangaba umngane wabo kumuntu abasanda kuqala ukukhuluma naye. Bazizwa ngisho nangaphambi kokuba kukhulunywe igama lokuqala. Kwesinye isikhathi uke ubheke umuntu bese ubona ukuthi angaba umngani omkhulu.
Ubuchopho buyakwazi ukunquma ngokushesha ukuthi yini eyingozi kithi nokuthi yini ekhangayo.
Noma ngabe yiliphi igama esilinika lesi sigameko - isiphetho noma ukukhangana - konke kwenzeka ngokushesha, isikhathi esifushane kuphela esidingekayo. Ucwaningo lukhumbuza: imizuzwana embalwa yanele ukuze umuntu enze umbono ngomunye ngo-80%. Ngalesi sikhathi, ubuchopho buyakwazi ukudala umbono wokuqala.
Indawo ekhethekile inesibopho salezi zinqubo ebuchosheni - ngemuva kwe-cortex. Kwenziwa kusebenze lapho sicabanga ngezinto ezinhle nezimbi ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo. Kalula nje, ubuchopho buyakwazi ukunquma ngokushesha ukuthi yini eyingozi kithi nokuthi yini ekhangayo. Ngakho, ibhubesi elisondelayo liwusongo oluseduze, futhi iwolintshi elinojusi liphezu kwetafula ukuze silidle.
Cishe inqubo efanayo yenzeka ebuchosheni bethu lapho sihlangana nomuntu omusha. Ngezinye izikhathi imikhuba yomuntu, indlela yakhe yokugqoka nokuziphatha ihlanekezela umbono wokuqala. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, asikho ngisho nokusola ukuthi yiziphi izahlulelo ngomuntu ezakhiwe kithi emhlanganweni wokuqala - konke lokhu kwenzeka ngokungazi.
Umbono mayelana ne-interlocutor wakhiwa ikakhulukazi ngesisekelo sezici zakhe zomzimba - isimo sobuso, ukuthinta, izwi. Ngokuvamile umuzwa wemvelo awehluleki futhi umbono wokuqala ulungile. Kodwa futhi kwenzeka okuphambene nalokho, naphezu kwemizwa engemihle lapho behlangana, abantu babe abangane iminyaka eminingi.
Yebo, sigcwele ubandlululo, injalo indlela ubuchopho obusebenza ngayo. Kodwa siyakwazi ukubuyekeza imibono yethu kuye ngokuziphatha komunye.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMichael Sannafrank waseNyuvesi yaseMinnesota (USA) sifunde ngokuziphatha kwabafundi uma behlangana. Kuye ngokuthi umbono wabafundi uqala kanjani, isimo sengqondo sabafundi sakhula ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene. Kodwa into ethakazelisa kakhulu: abanye babedinga isikhathi ukuze baqonde ukuthi kwakufanele yini ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana nomuntu, abanye benza isinqumo ngokushesha. Sonke sihlukile.