Qonda kusuka egameni eliyisigamu. Hlelisa amakhona acijile. Bekezela. Ukuqaphela izinkinga ebuhlotsheni ngesikhathi bese uzama ukuxazulula yonke into ngaphandle kokucindezela umlingani. Ziningi izinto thina besifazane esizenza ngokuzenzakalelayo - ngoba "sidalelwe" lokhu. Ngenxa yalokho, wonke umuntu uvame ukuhlupheka: thina, umlingani wethu, ubudlelwano. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka?
Bakhumbula izinsuku zokuzalwa zawo wonke amalungu omndeni, kuhlanganise nezihlobo ezikude. Bazi ngamagama hhayi kuphela bonke abangane bezingane, kodwa nabazali babo. Banomthwalo wemfanelo ngezibopho zomphakathi zomndeni - ungakhohlwa abangane bakudala, bameme ukuthi bavakashele, bagcine amasiko okuxhumana. Baqala izingxoxo ngezinkinga zobudlelwano futhi banxenxe umlingani ukuthi aye kudokotela wezengqondo womndeni.
Babhala yonke impilo yomndeni - bathatha izithombe zomlingani kanye nezingane, futhi bona ngokwabo cishe bahlale bengekho kubo. Basebenza njengomelaphi womndeni, umphathi wekhaya, umlamuleli, umduduzi, u-cheerleader, kanye nencwajana yokubhala engenamkhawulo lapho wonke amalungu omndeni engathulula khona ukwaziswa angenaso isikhathi sokukukhumbula.
Njengoba ungase ucabange, "bona" abangaqondakali, yiqiniso, abesifazane, futhi ngayinye yalezi zenzo ingumsebenzi ongabonakali ohlezi emahlombe abo. Umsebenzi okunzima ukuwuchaza ngokucacile. Umsebenzi, ngenxa yokuthi yonke imishini yezokuxhumana isebenza ngokushelela - kusukela emndenini ngamunye kuya emphakathini uwonke.
Yini ehlanganisiwe kulo msebenzi? Ukudala nokugcinwa "kokunethezeka" kanye "nesimo sezulu endlini", umusa oqhubekayo ngisho nasezimweni eziningi zokungqubuzana, ukunakekelwa nokusekelwa, ukuzimisela ukusheshisa amakhona nokuyekethisa, ukuzimisela ukusebenzela izidingo zabanye nokuba nesibopho ngemizwa yabo - jikelele, lokho kanye okulindelwe umphakathi kwabesifazane.
Uzalelwe ukunakekela?
Besicabanga ukuthi abantu besifazane badalelwe ukusiza, ukweseka nokunakekela. Sifunde ukuthi abantu besifazane ngokwemvelo banemizwa kakhudlwana ngakho-ke bakwazi kangcono ukuqonda «leyo mizwa yakho» futhi bayathanda ukukhuluma ngayo. Futhi ngokuvamile bakhuluma kakhulu ngabo - "bakhipha ubuchopho." Siyaqiniseka ukuthi ngabesifazane abathanda ubudlelwano, ukukhula kwabo kanye nekusasa labo, kuyilapho amadoda engadingi futhi bengenandaba.
Sithatha kalula umbono wokuthi abantu besifazane bazalwa benemisebenzi eminingi futhi bayakwazi ukugcina izinhlu ezinde zokwenziwa emakhanda abo, ezabo kanye nabanye, kuyilapho amadoda ekwazi ukwenza umsebenzi owodwa futhi agxile kulokho okubaluleke kakhulu.
Kodwa-ke, uma umba ujule kancane, ungathola ukuthi ukunakekelwa okungapheli kanye nomlingiswa wekati likaLeopold akuzona nhlobo izimfanelo ezizalwa nazo ezitholakala kuphela ebulilini besifazane, kodwa kunalokho iqoqo lamakhono atholwe ngenqubo yokuhlalisana kobulili. Amantombazane kusukela ebuntwaneni afunda ukuba nomthwalo wemfanelo ngemizwa nokuziphatha kwabanye.
Nakuba abafana bedlala imidlalo esebenzayo nenamandla, ngokuvamile enengxenye yobudlova nokuncintisana, amantombazane akhuthazwa ukuba ahlanganyele emisebenzini ethuthukisa uzwela, ukunakekela kanye nokubambisana.
Isibonelo, "amadodakazi-omama" kanye nemidlalo yokulingisa. Amantombazane atuswa ngokuba matasatasa, odade namadodakazi anakekelayo, kuyilapho abafana bekhuthazwa izinto ezihluke ngokuphelele.
Kamuva, amantombazane afundiswa ukuba nomthwalo wemfanelo wemizwa yabafana futhi anakekele isimo sabo somzwelo - ukuqonda ukuthi ama-pigtails akhishwa othandweni, ukusiza umakhelwane edeskini, hhayi ukuvusa ulaka noma inkanuko ngokuziphatha kwabo, wazi ukuthi ungahlala uthule kuphi, futhi kuphi ukudumisa nokukhuthaza, ngokujwayelekile - ukuba intombazane enhle.
Endleleni, abesifazane abasebasha bachazwa ukuthi umkhakha wenkulumo kanye nomkhakha wemizwelo uyindawo yabesifazane kuphela, engawathandi neze amadoda. Indoda eyi-stereotypical i-taciturn, ayiqondi ubunkimbinkimbi bokuhlangenwe nakho okungokomzwelo, ayikhali, ayibonisi imizwa, ayikwazi ukunakekela futhi, ngokuvamile, ayilona uhlobo oluthile "lwezinto ezibuthakathaka ezinomzimba othambile."
Amantombazane nabafana asebekhulile bayaqhubeka bephila ngendlela efanayo: uyamnakekela, izingane, abangane, izihlobo kanye nempilo yenhlalo yomndeni, futhi uyazinakekela futhi utshala imali kuphela empilweni yakhe. Umsebenzi wabesifazane othinta imizwa ugcwele futhi «ugcoba» kuzo zonke izici zokuphila, ubenze bakhululeke futhi bajabulele abanye. Futhi lo msebenzi unobuso obuyisigidi.
Uyini umsebenzi wemizwa?
Ake siqale ngesibonelo esilula kodwa esishoyo. Ebudlelwaneni: Umsebenzi Owenziwa Abesifazane (1978), u-Pamela Fishman uhlaziye okurekhodiwe kwezingxoxo zansuku zonke phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane futhi wafinyelela eziphethweni ezithakazelisa kakhulu.
Kwavela ukuthi kwakungabesifazane abathatha umthwalo wemfanelo oyinhloko wokugcina inkhulumomphendvulwano: babuza imibuzo okungenani izikhathi eziyisithupha kunamadoda, "hoot" ezindaweni ezifanele, futhi ngezinye izindlela babonisa isithakazelo sabo.
Abesilisa, ngakolunye uhlangothi, cishe abanandaba nokuthi ingxoxo iqhubeka kanjani ngokushelela, futhi abafuni ukuyisekela uma ukunaka komuntu okhulumisanayo kuncipha noma isihloko siphelile.
Ake ucabange ngakho, sonke sike sabhekana nalokhu ekuphileni kwethu kwansuku zonke. Wahlala ngezinsuku, ebuza umbuzo ngemva kwemibuzo futhi enqekuzisa amaziyo entsha, encoma ngokuzwakalayo futhi efuna ukwazi okwengeziwe, engatholi ukunakwa okulinganayo. Bathuthumela befuna isihloko abazokhuluma nomuntu omusha futhi bazizwa benesibopho uma inkhulumomphendvulwano iqala ukufiphala.
Babhala imilayezo emide enezitatimende, imibuzo, nezincazelo ezinemininingwane yemizwa yabo, futhi ekuphenduleni bathola “kulungile” okufushane noma lutho nhlobo (“Bengingazi ukuthi ngizokuphendula ngithini”). I-Daily ibuze umlingani ukuthi usuku lwakhe luhambe kanjani, futhi walalela izindaba ezinde, engatholi mbuzo ophikisayo ekuphenduleni.
Kodwa umsebenzi womzwelo awukona nje kuphela ikhono lokugcina ingxoxo, kodwa futhi nomthwalo wemfanelo wokuqalwa kwayo. Ngabesifazane ngokuvamile okufanele baqale izingxoxo ngezinkinga zobudlelwane, ikusasa labo, nezinye izinkinga ezinzima.
Ngokuvamile imizamo enjalo yokucacisa isimo ihlala iyize - owesifazane unikezwa "ubuchopho obuthwala" futhi anganakwa, noma yena ngokwakhe ekugcineni kufanele aqinisekise owesilisa.
Sonke cishe sike saba sesimweni esifanayo: sizama ukudlulisa ngesineke kumlingani ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe kuyasilimaza noma akusenelisi, kodwa ngemva kwemizuzu embalwa sithola ukuthi siqhuba inkulumo-ze eduduzayo — “kulungile, khohlwa, konke kuhamba kahle.”
Kodwa umsebenzi othinta imizwa unezimo eziningi ngaphandle komkhakha wezingxoxo eziyinkimbinkimbi. Umsebenzi othinta imizwa umayelana nokwenza i-orgasm ukuze wenze owesilisa azizwe eyisithandwa esihle. Lolu wucansi uma ufuna umaqondana ukuze ungawohloki umoya wakhe. Lokhu ukuhlela kwekhaya kanye nempilo yenhlalo yomndeni - imihlangano, ukuthenga, amaholide, amaphathi ezingane.
Lokhu kwenza ukuphila kube lula kumlingani endizeni yasekhaya. Lezi yizimpawu zothando nokunakekela ezenziwe ngaphandle kwesicelo sangaphambili sikazakwethu. Lokhu ukuqashelwa kokufaneleka kwemizwa yomlingani, ukuhlonipha izifiso nezicelo zakhe. Lokhu kuwukubonakaliswa kokubonga kumlingani ngalokho akwenzayo. Uhlu lungaqhutshwa unomphela.
Futhi kuthiwani kulokhu?
Kulungile, abesifazane benza umsebenzi othinta imizwa futhi amadoda awenzi. Ikuphi inkinga lapha? Inkinga ukuthi uma omunye wabalingani kufanele athwale umthwalo ophindwe kabili, angakwazi ukuphuka ngaphansi kwalo mthwalo. Abesifazane basebenzela ababili futhi bakhokhele ngempilo yabo, ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo.
Ukutubeka, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nokugula okubangelwa ukucindezeleka yilokho abesifazane abavuzwa ngokwezibalo ngomsebenzi wabo onzima.
Kuvela ukuthi ukucabanga njalo ngabanye, ukuhlela, ukulawula, ukukhumbula, ukukhumbuza, ukwenza uhlu, ukucabangela izithakazelo zabanye abantu, ukunakekela imizwa yabanye nokwenza ukuvumelana kuyingozi kakhulu futhi kuyingozi.
Nokho, izibalo nazo azinasihawu ngamadoda. Ngokusho kwe-Swedish Bureau of Statistics, ngabesilisa abazizwa bebabi kakhulu ngemva kwesehlukaniso - baba nesizungu kakhulu, banobudlelwane obuncane obuseduze nezingane, abangane abambalwa, ukuxhumana okubi kakhulu nezihlobo, isikhathi esifushane sokuphila, futhi ingozi yokuzibulala iphezulu kakhulu. kunabesifazane.
Kuvela ukuthi ukungakwazi ukwenza umsebenzi othinta imizwa, ukugcina ubudlelwano, imizwa ephilayo nokunakekela abanye akulimazi futhi kuyingozi kunokusebenzela abanye impilo yakho yonke.
Futhi lokhu kuphakamisa ukuthi imodeli yamanje yokwakha ubudlelwano nokwaba umthwalo wemfanelo kubo ayisasebenzi. Isikhathi soshintsho, awucabangi?