Noma ngabe ubudlelwano benu bungajabulisa futhi buphumelele kangakanani, ukungaboni ngaso linye, izingxabano nokuxabana akunakugwenywa. Wonke umuntu unqotshwa intukuthelo neminye imizwa enobudlova ngezinye izikhathi, ngakho ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obunempilo kakhulu, kuyavela izingxabano. Into esemqoka ukufunda indlela yokuxabana ngendlela efanele.
Izinkinga zobudlelwane zingokwemvelo, kodwa ukuze zingabhubhisi umbhangqwana wakho, udinga ukufunda ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo nezindlela "ezihlakaniphile" zokuphikisana. Kungani ngisho imibhangqwana ejabule ilwa? Kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano, umlingani angacasuka, azizwe esongelwa, noma angabi semoyeni. Ukungaboni ngaso linye okungathí sina kungase kuphakame. Konke lokhu kuholela kalula ezingxabanweni nasezingxabanweni.
Ngenxa yalokho, ngisho nasemibhangqwaneni ephumelelayo, abalingani baqala ukuziphatha njengezingane ezingenangqondo, ezishaya iminyango yekhabethe ngokucasuka, zishaya izinyawo, zihlahle amehlo futhi ziklabalase. Ngokuvamile bavele balale bebambene amagqubu. Uma lokhu kwenzeka ngezikhathi ezithile emndenini wakho, lesi akusona isizathu sokwethuka. Akufanele ucabange ukuthi emindenini ejabulayo, abashadile abalokothi benze amahlazo noma ukuthi abanakho ukuphazamiseka kwemizwa.
Ngenhlanhla, akudingekile ukuba uphelele ukuze wenze umshado uhlale. Ukuthambekela kokuxabana kungokwemvelo kithi ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo. “Ingqondo yomuntu ifaneleka kangcono ukulwa kunothando. Ngakho-ke, kungcono ukuba imibhangqwana ingagwemi izingxabano nezingxabano. Imizwa engemihle ayidingi ukucindezelwa, kungcono ukufunda ukuxabana ngendlela efanele, "kuchaza umelaphi womndeni uStan Tatkin. Leli khono lihlukanisa ukuxabana kwabashadile abajabulayo nezingxabano zemibhangqwana engasebenzi.
Imithetho yokubonisana okunengqondo
- khumbula ukuthi ingqondo ngokwemvelo isethelwe ukungqubuzana;
- funda ukufunda isimo somlingani ngokubonakala kobuso nomzimba;
- uma ubona ukuthi umlingani wakho ucasukile ngokuthile, zama ukusiza, zama ukuvuleleka nobungane;
- xabana kuphela ubuso nobuso, nibukane emehlweni;
- ungalokothi ulungise izinto ngocingo, ngezincwadi noma emotweni;
- ungakhohlwa ukuthi inhloso wukunqoba nobabili.
Esinye isici sezingxabano "ezilungile" isilinganiso sezinto ezinhle nezimbi zokungqubuzana. Ucwaningo olwenziwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Gottman lubonisa ukuthi emishadweni ezinzile nejabulisayo ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, isilinganiso sokuhle nokubi singaba ngu-5 kuya ku-1, futhi emibhangqwaneni engazinzile - 8 kuya ku-1.
Izici ezinhle zokungqubuzana
Nawa amanye amathiphu avela kuDkt. Gottman angakusiza uguqule ingxabano ibe isiqondiso esihle:
- uma ingxoxo isongela ukukhula ibe ukungqubuzana, zama ukuba mnene ngangokunokwenzeka;
- ungakhohlwa amahlaya. Ihlaya elifanele lizosiza ukudambisa isimo;
- zama ukwehlisa umoya futhi uthulise umlingani wakho;
- zama ukwenza ukuthula futhi uye kumlingani wakho uma ekulethela ukuthula;
- zilungiselele ukuyekethisa;
- uma nihlukumezana nixabane, xoxani ngakho.
Lena impendulo yombuzo othi kungani ngisho imibhangqwana ejabule ngezinye izikhathi ixabana. Izingxabano ngokwemvelo zivela kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuseduze. Umgomo wakho awukona ukuzama ukugwema amahlazo ngazo zonke izindlela, kodwa ukufunda indlela yokulungisa izinto ngendlela efanele. Ukungqubuzana okuxazululwe kahle kungakulethela eduze futhi kunifundise ukuqondana kangcono.