Imizwa iyigciwane: ukuthi sithintana kanjani

Ngamunye wethu uyiqonda ngokunembile incazelo yezinkulumo ezinjengokuthi "isimo somphakathi" noma "injabulo emoyeni." Kodwa kuphi? “Lezi isingathekiso ezingenayo incazelo yezwi nezwi. Noma kunjalo, sikuqonda kahle ukubaluleka kwazo, ngoba sibona ngokunembile ukuthi kuyini ukutheleleka kwemizwa, ”kusho umelaphi womndeni uStephen Stosny.

Umgomo wokutheleleka ngemizwa uphakamisa ukuthi imizwa yabantu ababili noma ngaphezulu iyahlanganiswa futhi idluliselwe isuka kumuntu iye komunye ngamaqembu amakhulu. Sivame ukucabanga ngakho njengenqubo yangaphakathi, kodwa imizwa ingathathelana kakhulu kunanoma iliphi igciwane elaziwayo, futhi ingadluliselwa ngokungazi kuwo wonke umuntu oseduze.

Abaningi banethuba lokubona indlela esithinteka ngayo izimo ezingokomzwelo zamalungu omkhaya. Ngokwesibonelo, cishe akunakwenzeka ukujabula lapho abanye becindezelekile. Nokho, kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ukusulelana kwemizwelo kuyasebenza ngisho nalapho kungekho ukuxhumana phakathi kwabantu. Isibonelo, esixukwini sabantu esingabazi, «ukutheleleka ngokomzwelo» kusenza sizizwe sifana neqembu lonke.

Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi siphelelwa isineke nakakhulu esitobhini uma abantu esiseduze nabo bengenasineke. Kodwa uma bebekezelela iqiniso lokuthi ibhasi liphuzile, sizolinda buthule. «Ugesi emoyeni» usenza sijabule emcimbini wezemidlalo noma i-rally, ngisho noma besingazange sibambe iqhaza ngokukhethekile ekuqaleni futhi sivele siye enkampanini.

Isidingo Sokuziphendukela Kwemvelo

Ukuze kuqondwe ukubaluleka kokuthelelana kwemizwelo, uStephen Stosny uphakamisa ukuthi kucatshangelwe inzuzo yakho ekusindeni kwenani labantu. Ukwabelana «ngemizwa yeqembu» kusinika inala yamehlo, izindlebe, kanye namakhala ukuze sibukele ingozi futhi sithole ithuba lokubaleka.

Ngakho-ke, lokhu kujwayelekile kuwo wonke amaqembu ezilwane zomphakathi: amaphakethe, imihlambi, ukuziqhenya, izizwe. Lapho ilungu elilodwa leqembu lizizwa lisongelwa, liba nolaka, lesaba, noma liqaphile, abanye bavele basibambe lesi simo.

Lapho sibona ukwesaba noma ukuhlupheka komunye umuntu eqenjini, singase sizizwe ngendlela efanayo. Uma singaphikisi ngokunganaki, abantu abajabulayo ephathini bayasijabulisa, abantu abakhathalelayo basenza sikhathalele, futhi abantu abanesithukuthezi bayasidina. Siyabagwema labo abathwala «umthwalo emahlombe abo» nalabo abadidayo noma abasenza sikhathazeke.

Ingemuva lemizwa linquma ukwazi

Njengazo zonke izinto ezithinta isimo somzwelo, “ukutheleleka” okunjalo kunquma ngokuyinhloko ukucabanga kwethu. Abacwaningi bemibono bayazi ukuthi bazothola isethi eyodwa yezimpendulo zemibuzo abayibuza emaqenjini okugxilwe kuyo kanye nenye lapho bebuza imibuzo efanayo kubahlanganyeli ngamunye ngasese.

Futhi akukhona ukuthi abantu baqamba amanga lapho bendawonye, ​​noma ukuthi bashintsha imiqondo yabo lapho bebodwa. Ngenxa yethonya lemizwelo, bangase babe nemibono ehlukene ngesihloko esifanayo, kuye ngendawo abakuyo ngesikhathi socwaningo.

Umgomo wokutheleleka ubuye ucabangele i-"groupthink". Abantu bavame ukulalela iningi emhlanganweni noma benze ngokuhlanganyela, ngisho noma bephikisana nemibono yabo. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuziphatha okuyingozi noma okunolaka kwamaqembu ezigebengu zentsha kubonakala eqinisweni lokuthi "ukutheleleka" okungokomzwelo okuvamile kukhuthaza ingane ngayinye ukuba idlulele ngalé kwemingcele yayo yomuntu siqu, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ibe kude kakhulu, okuphumela ekuziphatheni okuyingozi, ubudlova noma ubugebengu.

Ukuthelelana ngokomzwelo kuzibonakalisa emibuthanweni yobumbano nasezimashini zokubhikisha, ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, "ngobulungiswa bezixuku", ukuhlukumeza, izibhelu nokuphanga. Ngezinga elimangalisayo kodwa elingabonakali kancane, lokhu kusinika imfashini ehlala ishintsha, izinto ezingezinhle zamasiko, kanye nezindinganiso zokunemba kwezombusazwe.

Imizwa engemihle iyathathelana kakhulu

“Uke wazibuza ukuthi kungani sivame ukugxila kulokho okubangela imizwelo engafanele kunemihle? Kubuza uStosny. — Angikhulumi ngabantu abangenathemba futhi abanobuthi abahlale befuna ithuba lokuthola iconsi letiyela emgqonyeni woju. Kodwa emva kwakho konke, wonke umuntu unikeza okungalungile isisindo esingalingani. Ngabe wena ngokwakho ucabanga kangakanani mayelana nempilo enhle uma uqhathanisa nebi? Umqondo wakho uchitha isikhathi esiningi namandla kuphi?

Imizwa engemihle ithola ukucutshungulwa okuhamba phambili ebuchosheni njengoba ibaluleke kakhulu ukuze uphile ngokushesha. Zisinika i-adrenaline rush esheshayo, edingekayo, ngokwesibonelo, ukuze sigxumele kude nenyoka futhi sixoshe ukuhlasela kwamahlosi anamazinyo e-saber. Futhi siyayikhokhela ngethuba lokuphinde sibone ubuhle bezwe elisizungezile.

I-"negative bias" inquma ukuthi kungani ukulahlekelwa kubuhlungu kakhulu kunenzuzo. Ukudla ukudla okumnandi kuhle, kodwa ezimweni eziningi akunakuqhathaniswa nokucasula kokudla okuphuthelwe. Uma uthola u-$10, injabulo izohlala usuku noma ngaphezulu, futhi ukulahlekelwa u-$000 kungonakalisa isimo sakho sengqondo inyanga yonke noma ngaphezulu.

Imizwa emihle yempilo engcono

Okuxakayo ukuthi imizwa eyakhayo ibaluleke kakhulu enhlalakahleni yesikhathi eside. Sinamathuba okuphila isikhathi eside, impilo enempilo futhi ejabulisayo uma sibhekana nawo kaningi kunamabi. Ukuphila kuba ngcono kulabo abakwaziyo ukwazisa ubuhle bedlelo elinamagquma kanye nelanga elikhanya emaqabunga ezihlahla…inqobo nje uma bekwazi ukubona inyoka otshanini. Kumelwe sikwazi ukusinda ngesikhathi esifanele ukuze siqhubeke nokwazisa izwe elisizungezile.

Kubalulekile futhi ukuqonda ukuthi noma yiziphi izimo ezivikelayo nezinolaka, njengokucasuka, zisakazeka ngokungenasihawu ukusuka komunye umuntu kuye komunye. Uma othile eza emsebenzini enenzondo, khona-ke ngesikhathi sokudla kwasemini wonke umuntu oseduze naye usevele ecasukile. Abashayeli abanolaka benza nabanye abashayeli bafane. Osemusha onenzondo uchitha isidlo sakusihlwa somkhaya, futhi umngane womshado ongenasineke wenza ukubukela i-TV kucindezele futhi kukhungathekise.

Ukukhetha okuqaphelayo

Uma siseduze nomuntu onenzondo, onolaka, obhuqayo, othanda ukuziphindiselela, cishe siyozizwa ngendlela azizwa ngayo. Futhi ukuze ungafani, udinga ukwenza umzamo futhi ubandakanye Umuntu Omdala wangaphakathi.

Empeleni, lokhu akumangazi. Okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi, njengoba sesingenwe yile mizwa, maningi amathuba okuthi singasabela kabi kumuntu olandelayo esihlangana naye. “Uma inhlalakahle yakho nesimo somzwelo sincike kwabanye abantu, uzolahlekelwa ukuzilawula wena kanye nesimo, ngakho-ke, uzoziphatha ngokungananazi. Uyoba i-reactaholic, futhi okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho ekuphileni kuyonqunywa indlela osabela ngayo “ekungcolisweni kwemizwelo” kwendawo ezungezile,” kuxwayisa uStosny.

Kodwa ngokufunda ukwakha imingcele enempilo engokomzwelo nokubonisa ukunaka isimo sethu nesimo sethu, singalondoloza ukuzinza nokulawula ukuphila.

Mayelana nombhali: USteven Stosny ungudokotela wezengqondo, umelaphi womndeni, uthisha eNyuvesi yaseMaryland (USA), umbhali wezincwadi ezimbalwa, okuhlanganisa nombhali-mbhali wencwadi ehunyushwe ngesiRashiya ethi “Honey, sidinga ukukhuluma ngobudlelwano bethu… Ungakwenza kanjani ngaphandle kokulwa ”(Sofia, 2008).