Okuqukethwe
“Lapho ngisemncane, odadewethu ababili, mina nomfowethu, sasingafuni ukuxabana. Lapho abazali bethu bethi cha, kwakungeyena, futhi bagxilisa kithi izindinganiso ababezigcina kubazali babo siqu! Umphumela, siphila kahle kumaphampu ethu, sonke siphumelele empilweni futhi ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi kuyindlela efanele yokwenza izinto nezingane. Mina nomyeni wami sipholile, kodwa asivumi ukuthi sithi yebo noma cha, futhi izingane zazi kahle ukuthi akuzona ezishaya umthetho ekhaya, kodwa yithi! Abazali bezingane ezintathu ezineminyaka engu-2, 4 no-7 ubudala, uMélanie nomyeni wakhe u-Fabien bavumelana nomugqa wemfundo wamanje ofuna ukubuyela ngokuqinile egunyeni. Lokhu kufakazelwa u-Armelle Le Bigot Macaux *, umqondisi we-ABC +, inhlangano egxile ekuhloleni ukuziphatha kwemikhaya: “Abazali bahlukaniswe izigaba ezimbili: labo abavumayo ukusebenzisa igunya labo, beqiniseka ukuthi lingenxa yesizathu. ezinganeni zabo (eziyisi-7 kwezingu-10) kanye nalezo, ngedlanzana, ezicabanga ukuthi ziyadingeka kodwa ezihlushwa ukukusebenzisa ngenxa yokwesaba ukuphula ubuntu bomntwana, ngenxa yokwesaba ukwenqatshwa, noma ngenxa nje yokungabi namandla. Futhi kungakhathaliseki indlela yabo yemfundo, sibona ukubuya kwezijeziso! “
Yebo, ubusha bango-2010 bunjalo Ukuthathaukuqaphela okuvamile ukuthi izingane zidinga imingcele ukuze zakhe ngokuthula futhi zibe abantu abadala abavuthiwe. Kuyavunywa, ukwesaba ukuba ubaba noma umama oshaya ngesiswebhu akuzange kunyamalale, abazali banamuhla baye bahlanganisa iziyalezo zemfundo ze-psychoanalyst yehlelo uFrançoise Dolto. Ufakwe umqondo wokuthi kubalulekile ukulalela inzalo yakho ukuze ikhule, akekho ongangabazi ukuthi izingane zingabantu abagcwele okufanele bahlonishwe futhi abanamalungelo … Kodwa futhi nemisebenzi ! Ikakhulukazi, ukuhlala endaweni yengane yabo nokulalela abantu abadala abanomthwalo wemfanelo ngemfundo yabo. Eminyakeni yawo-1990 no-2000 yabona ukwanda kwe izixwayiso zokushwabana, abaqeqeshi, othisha, othisha nabanye abakwaSuper Nanny ngokumelene nokuyekelela kwabazali kanye nokufika kwamakhosi-zingane anamandla onke, inonya futhi ayinamkhawulo. Namuhla, wonke umuntu uyavumelana nokuqaphela lokho abazali abayekelelayo abekho endimeni yabo futhi benza izingane zabo zingajabuli ngokuzenza zingalondekile. Wonke umuntu uyazi izingozi zemfundo esekelwe ekuyengeni: "Yiba muhle, yenza umama wakho ajabule, idla i-broccoli yakho!" “. Wonke umuntu uyaqonda ukuthi izingane zingabantu, kodwa hhayi abantu abadala! Behlome ngokuhlangenwe nakho namaphutha esikhathi esidlule, abazali bayaqaphela futhi ukuthi umsebenzi wabo wokufundisa uhilela ikhono lokuthi cha, lokukhuthazelela izingxabano lapho bekhungathekisa izifiso zezingane zabo ezincane ezithandekayo, ukungaxoxisani ngayo yonke into, ukubeka imithetho ecacile ngaphandle kokuzizwa bebophekile ukuba benze kanjalo. baziphendulele.
Igunya: awekho ama-diktats, kodwa imingcele eyakhayo
Owake waba yinkosi yezingane manje usevulele umlingani wengane indlela. Kodwa njengoba kuphawulwe uDidier Pleux, udokotela wezengqondo, ukusungula indlela entsha yokusebenzisa igunya akulula : “Abazali bafuna kanzima, kodwa badidekile. Benza lokho engikubiza ngegunya eliphansi. Okusho ukuthi, bayangenelela, bakhumbule umthetho, bathethise futhi bajezise lapho izingane zeqe inqwaba yemithetho evimbelayo. Sesihambile isikhathi futhi asifundiseki kakhulu. Babeyosebenza kangcono kakhulu uma bengabeka igunya labo phezulu, ngaphandle kokulinda ukuba kube nesiphambeko! Kodwa iyini imfihlo yaleligunya elingokwemvelo elifunwa yibo bonke abazali? Kwanele ukwamukela ukuthi phakathi komuntu omdala nengane kukhona ubuholi, ukuthi asilingani, ukuthi umuntu omdala wazi okuningi ngempilo kunomntwana, futhi nguye omdala ofundisa ingane. futhi ibeka imithetho nemingcele. Futhi hhayi okuphambene! Abazali banomuzwa ongcono weqiniso, banengqondo futhi kufanele basebenzise ulwazi lwabo ukuze baqondise izingane zabo. Yingakho ke UDidier Pleux weluleka abazali ekufuneni igunya ukuze baphinde bathole ukuba semthethweni, ukuphoqelela izindinganiso zabo, ifilosofi yabo yokuphila, abakuthandayo, amasiko abo omndeni… Uyathanda ukudweba? Thatha izingane zakho uye emnyuziyamu ukuze wabelane nazo ngothando lwakho. Uyawuthanda umculo wakudala, menze alalele ama-sonata akho owathandayo… Uthanda ibhola, mthathe ayokhahlela nawe ibhola. Ngokuphambene nalokho okwakushiwo eminyakeni embalwa edlule, uzifaka engozini yokungabuphuli ubuntu bakhe noma ulolonge akuthandayo. Kukuye kamuva ukuthi anqabe noma aqhubeke ekwazisa lokho omdlulisele kona.
Imfundo, ingxube yothando nokukhungatheka
Igunya elingenhla nomfula libuye lisho ukwazi indlela yokulamula phakathi kwesimiso sokuzijabulisa sengane kanye nesimiso esingokoqobo. Cha, akayena omuhle kakhulu, onamandla kunabo bonke, ohlakaniphe kakhulu, ohlakaniphe kakhulu! Cha, akakwazi ukuthola konke akufunayo futhi enze lokho akufunayo kuphela! Yebo, inamandla, kodwa futhi nobuthakathaka, esizoyisiza ukuyilungisa. Umuzwa wokuzikhandla, owawuphenduke inani eliyisidala, usuphinde wathandwa. Ukuze udlale upiyano, kufanele uzilolonge nsuku zonke, ukuze uthole amamaki amahle esikoleni, kufanele usebenze! Yebo, kunezingqinamba okuzodingeka azihambise ngaphandle kokuxoxa noma ukuxoxisana. Futhi lokho ngeke kumjabulise, lokho kuqinisekile! Okunye osekujwayelekile osekuholele ekutheni abazali abaningi bahluleke wukulindela ukuthi ingane ikwazi ukuzilawula. Ayikho ingane eyoboleka ngokuzenzakalelayo amathoyizi ayo amahle kakhulu kwabanye! Akekho omncane ozobonga abazali bakhe ngokukala indlela asebenzisa ngayo isikrini: “Ngiyabonga baba ngokususa ikhonsoli yami nokungiphoqa ukuthi ngilale kusenesikhathi, unginika isigqi sempilo futhi kungilungele ukukhula kwengqondo. ! ” Ukufundisa kuhilela ukukhungatheka, futhi othi ukukhungatheka, uthi ukungqubuzana. Ukuqabula, ukuthanda, ukwanelisa, ukuncoma, wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani, kodwa uthi CHA futhi phoqa ingane yakho ukuba ilandele imithetho ebhekwa njengemihle kuye, kuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Njengoba u-Didier Pleux egcizelela: “Kufanele wakhe emndenini wakho“ ikhodi yomndeni ” enemithetho eqinile nengenakugwenywa, ngendlela efanayo nekhodi yomgwaqo onguthelawayeka kanye nekhodi yenhlawulo elawula umphakathi. “Uma ikhodi isimisiwe, ukubeka igunya lakho lemvelo kudinga inkulumo neziqondiso ezicacile:” Ngiyakwenqabela ukuthi uziphathe kanje, akwenzeki, ngingumama wakho, uyihlo, yimina onqumayo, hhayi wena! Kunjalo, asikho isidingo sokugcizelela, ngeke ngibuyele emuva esinqumweni sami, uma ungavumi, hamba uye ekamelweni lakho ukuze wehlise umoya. “ Okubalulekile ukuthi ungalokothi ulahle izinto ezibalulekile kuwe, kuyilapho uthuthukisa ubuntu bezingane zakho kanye nokuhluka.. Yebo, isiphathimandla esizinze kahle sibophezela ukujezisa uma kunesidingo, kodwa, futhi, silandele imodeli yelayisense yamaphuzu. Ubuwula obuncane, imvume encane! Ubulima obukhulu, ukujeziswa okukhulu! Vimbela ubungozi obukhona uma bengalaleli kusenesikhathi, kubalulekile ukuthi bazi ukuthi bazichaya ngani. Yebo-ke, akukho ukushaywa, ngoba ukushaywa komzimba kusho ubudlova obungokomzimba nentukuthelo, hhayi igunya. Ukukwazi ukusho ngaphandle kokuyinkimbinkimbi noma umuzwa wecala: "Ngicabanga ukuthi lokhu kukuhle kuwe!" », Ngenkathi elokhu egxilile futhi engxoxweni, ukuthola ibhalansi phakathi kobunye bengane yakhe kanye neqiniso lempilo, injalo inhloso yabazali banamuhla. Singabheja ukuthi bazophumelela ngemibala endizayo!
* Umbhali wencwadi ethi “Ungabaphi Abazali? Iglosari encane yabazali namuhla ”, ed. I-Marabout.
Ungubani abazali? Ucwaningo oluthi “Ozakwethu”, olwenziwe yisikhungo se-ABC, lwembule amamodeli amahlanu ezemfundo ahluke kakhulu kwelinye. Iyiphi eyakho? Abavikeli (39%Njengoba beqaphe kakhulu futhi beqiniseka ngomsebenzi wabo, ukuhlonipha igunya kuyinsika eyisisekelo yesibonelo sabo semfundo, futhi banikeza indawo ebalulekile emndenini. Kulaba bazali, sahamba kakhulu nezingane kunoma yini, ukuxega, ukuntuleka kohlaka, kufanele sibuyele emuva, sibuyele esikhathini esidlule, ezimisweni ezinhle zakudala zesikhathi esidlule eziye zaphawula. ubufakazi. Bathi isiko nemfundo yakudala eyafakwa kubo ngabazali. I-Neobobos (29%)Lawa ebesivame ukuwabiza ngokuthi "i-post-Dolto" athuthuke kancane. Bahlala beshiya indawo ebalulekile yezingxoxo phakathi kwezizukulwane, kodwa baye baqaphela ukubaluleka kwemingcele. Ukukhulumisana, ukulalela ingane nokumkhuthaza ukuba athuthukise ubuntu bakhe kuhle, kodwa futhi kufanele wazi ukuthi ungazibophezela kanjani futhi uthathe isinyathelo uma kunesidingo. Uma idlula imikhawulo, akwamukelekile. Isimanjemanje, ama-neobobos ahambisana nezikhathi. Ezidabukile (20%)Bazizwa besengozini, begcwele ukudumazeka, ukuphikisana nokumangala. I-leitmotif yabo: kunzima kangakanani ukukhulisa izingane! Ngokungazelelwe, bashintshashintsha phakathi kwemodeli edlule kanye nesimanje, besebenzisa igunya elilinganiselwe, eliguquguqukayo ngokusho kwemizwa yabo. Bavumela phezulu futhi baqine kakhulu lapho bengasakwazi ukukwamukela. Bacabanga ukuthi ukubuyiselwa kwezijeziso kuyinto enhle, kodwa bazizwa benecala futhi basebenzise izijeziso ngokungathandi. Bangathanda ukufundiswa ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani. Abahamba ngentambo (7%Bafulathela izindinganiso zayizolo futhi bafuna ibhalansi entsha ukuze bazivumelanise nezwe lanamuhla. Umgomo wabo uwukufundisa izingane ukuba zilwe ezweni elingenasihe. Bahlakulela umuzwa wokuzivumelanisa nezimo, umuzwa wokuba nomthwalo wemfanelo, nokuba nethuba. Ukunika amandla abantu (5%).Banesifiso esibonisiwe sokwenza ingane yabo ibe isidalwa esizibusa ngokushesha, esinayo yonke impahla ukuze iphumelele ekuphileni! Baphatha ingane yabo njengomuntu omdala omncane, bamsunduze ukuba akhule ngokushesha kunemvelo, bamnike inkululeko eningi, ngisho encane. Balindele lukhulu kuyena, kumele ahambisane nomfutho futhi akukho mbuzo wokumvikela ngokweqile. |