Okuqukethwe
Ekuqaleni, ukuphila ndawonye kuqhubeka ngenjabulo futhi cishe kunganaki. Kodwa ngokuhamba kweminyaka, siqala ukuqhela komunye nomunye, ukungaqondi kahle kanye nomuzwa wesizungu kuyakhula. Izingxabano, izingxabano, ukukhathala, isifiso sokuvumela isimo siqhubeke ... Futhi manje sisonqenqemeni lwenkinga yomndeni. Ungakunqoba kanjani?
Lapho umkhaya usesimweni esibucayi, umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili bangase bazizwe bevaleleke, bephila nemizwa yesizungu nokulahlwa. Baqongelela izikhalazo ezifanayo, futhi izingxoxo ziya ngokuya ziphendukela kokuthi “Uke wangikhohlisa na?” noma “Mhlawumbe kufanele sihlukanise?”. Kuphinde kube nokuxabana ngenxa yezizathu ezifanayo, kodwa akukho okushintshile. Igebe elingokomzwelo phakathi kwabantu abake basondelana liyakhula.
Kungani kunenhlekelele ebudlelwaneni?
Umbhangqwana ngamunye uhlukile - wonke umuntu unendaba yakhe yothando, ulwazi lwakhe kanye nezikhathi ezijabulisayo. Kodwa izinkinga ezidala inkinga yomndeni, ngokusho kwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, zihluka kancane:
- Ukuxhumana okubi. Ukungezwani komunye nomunye kuholela ezingxabanweni ezivamile eziqeda amandla nokubekezela kwabo bobabili abalingani. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izingxabano okungekho muntu ofuna ukuzinikezela kuzo azenzi lutho ukubhekana nembangela yokungezwani;
- Ukuvukela umbuso. Ukuphinga kuqeda ukwethembana futhi kwehlisa isisekelo sobudlelwano;
- Ukungavumelani emibonweni. Kungase kuthinte izindlela zokukhulisa izingane, isabelomali somndeni, ukwabiwa kwemithwalo yemfanelo yasekhaya… Ingasaphathwa eyezinto ezingabalulekile kangako;
- Inkinga. Kunezizathu eziningi zalokhu: umlutha wotshwala, umlutha wezidakamizwa, ukuphazamiseka kobuntu, ukugula kwengqondo
Kungenzeka yini ukubikezela indlela le nhlekelele? Ngokungangabazeki. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, umndeni nemishado uJohn Gottman uhlonza izimpawu ezi-4 “ezikhulumayo,” azibiza ngokuthi “abagibeli bamahhashi be-apocalypse”: lokhu kuwukungakhulumisani kahle, ukusabela okunonya kokuzivikela, ukwedelela umlingani, nokungabi nalwazi okudelelayo.
Futhi umuzwa wokudelela, ngokocwaningo, uwuphawu olubonisa ukuthi inhlekelele isendleleni.
Indlela yokuvuselela ubudlelwano?
Gxila ezicini ezinhle
Cabanga ngendlela owahlangana ngayo nomlingani wakho. Kungani nathandeka komunye nomunye? Faka ohlwini amandla ombhangqwana wakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho. Cabanga ukuthi bangakusiza kanjani ukuxazulula inkinga.
"thina" esikhundleni sokuthi "mina"
"Ezimweni ezibucayi, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthuthukisa indlela evamile yobudlelwane kusukela esikhundleni" thina ", kugcizelela isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uStan Tatkin. Ukuzinakekela ngokombono othi “mina” nakho kubalulekile, kodwa kulokhu, akusizi ukuqinisa noma ukulungisa ubudlelwano.
Bhekana nezinkinga ngokulandelana kwazo
Ngeshwa, imibhangqwana eminingi izama ukuxazulula zonke izinkinga eziqoqiwe ngesikhathi esisodwa - kodwa lokhu akunakwenzeka, ngakho-ke bayayeka. Kungcono ukwenza okuhlukile: yenza uhlu lwazo zonke izinkinga nokungavumelani kumbhangqwana wakho bese ukhetha eyodwa ongaqala ngayo, ubeke eceleni okwesikhashana okunye. Ngemva kokubhekana nalolu daba, ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ungadlulela kokulandelayo.
Xolela amaphutha omlingani wakho futhi ukhumbule awakho
Ngokuqinisekile nobabili nenze amaphutha amaningi enizisola kakhulu ngawo. Kubalulekile ukuthi uzibuze lo mbuzo: “Ngizokwazi yini ukuzixolela mina nomlingani wami ngakho konke esikushilo nesikwenzile, noma ngabe lezi zikhalo zizoqhubeka zifaka ubuthi ubuhlobo bethu kuze kube sekugcineni? Ngesikhathi esifanayo, yiqiniso, izenzo ezithile azikwazi ukuthethelelwa - isibonelo, ubudlova.
Ukuthethelela akusho ukukhohlwa. Kodwa ngaphandle kokuthethelela, ubuhlobo abunakwenzeka ukuphuma ekuxabaneni: wena noma umlingani wakho awufuni ukukhunjuzwa njalo ngamaphutha akho adlule.
Funa usizo lwezengqondo
Uyazama ukulungisa izinto kodwa ubudlelwano buya bubheda? Khona-ke kufanelekile ukuthintana nodokotela wezengqondo womndeni noma uchwepheshe wezokwelapha zabashadile.
Inkinga ebudlelwaneni iqeda amandla akho ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukubhekana nayo ngokushesha okukhulu. Ngikholwe, cishe kuhlale kunethuba lokusindisa isimo futhi ubuyisele uthando nenjabulo emshadweni wakho.