Okuqukethwe
Lalela “umgxeki wethu wangaphakathi” bese “umphenya”? Mhlawumbe le ndlela izosisiza ukuba sibheke umhlaba ngendlela engokoqobo.
Ukuzihlambalaza, ukudangala, izibikezelo ezikhathazayo nezinye izifundazwe ezidabukisayo ezisinqobayo zingavezwa ngezindlela ezahlukene: ngezinye izikhathi lena imishwana esiyiphinda kithi njengama-mantras, ngezinye izikhathi iwukubonakaliswa okungaqondakali kalula.
Ngokombono we-cognitive psychology, ecwaninga izinqubo zokuqonda, wonke lo msebenzi okhathazayo wengqondo uyizithelo zalokho okubizwa ngokuthi ama-cognitive schemas. Zisekelwe ezinkolelweni zethu eziyisisekelo (ezivamise ukuquleka) ezakha izihlungi - uhlobo "lwezibuko" esibona ngazo iqiniso.
Uma okukodwa noma eziningi zalezi zihlungi zinegethivu, kukhona ukuchema okucatshangelwayo okulolonga ukuthi senza kanjani izinqumo, sizibandakanye emisebenzini, futhi siziphathe kanjani ebudlelwaneni.
“Ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo kubangela ukungabi nandaba, okubonakala ngokuzethemba okusontekile, umuzwa wokukhathala, ukungakwazi ukucabanga kahle nokwenza izinto ngentshiseko, ukukhathazeka, ngisho nokucindezeleka,” kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nodokotela wengqondo uFrederic Fange. "Kungakho kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqaphela inkimbinkimbi yezinkolelo ezidala umjikelezo wemicabango edabukisayo esiqeda amandla."
Lokhu akukona ukudumisa ithemba elingenamkhawulo elingenasisekelo nokwenza isethuso ngenxa yokudabuka nokucasuka. Akuwenzi futhi umqondo ukuphika iqiniso kanye nomthelela wezenzakalo ezimbi kithi. Nokho, “singaphuma ngokuqaphela emjikelezweni omubi wemicabango nemizwa ecindezelayo,” kusho umelaphi. "Umsebenzi wethu uwukuqonda kuqala uhlelo lwethu lwezinkolelo, bese sishintsha ukungabi nathemba okungenazithelo sibe namaqiniso anezithelo."
Isigaba 1: Ngicacisa izinkolelo zami
1. Ngihlonza inzwa-uphawu. Umphimbo uminyene, kuvela isicanucanu, umuzwa wokukhathazeka, ngezinye izikhathi umuzwa wokuphelelwa umoya uvele ngokuzumayo, ukushaya kwenhliziyo kuyashesha ... Imicabango engemihle ibangela imizwa engemihle ngendlela efanayo ebonakala ngokushesha emizimbeni yethu. Izinguquko ezinjalo emizweni yethu yomzimba ziwuphawu lokuwohloka kwesimiso sethu sokucabanga. Ngakho-ke, azinakuzitshwa.
2. Ngikhumbula izehlakalo ezadala lezi zimo. Ngiphila kabusha isimo. Ngamehlo ami avaliwe, ngikhumbula enkumbulweni yami lonke ulwazi olutholakala kimi: isimo sami sengqondo, umkhathi ngaleso sikhathi, ngikhumbula labo ababeseduze kwami, lokho esasikusho komunye nomunye, ngayiphi iphimbo, imicabango yami. nemizwa...
3. Lalela umgxeki wami wangaphakathi. Khona-ke ngikhetha amagama ukuze ngichaze ngokunembile imizwa yami kanye nomcabango omubi oyinhloko: isibonelo, "Ngizizwa ngingenangqondo", "ngizibonise ngingelutho", "angithandwa", nokunye okunjalo. Sikweleta ukuba khona kwalo mgxeki wethu wangaphakathi ngenxa yokuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo okukodwa noma ngaphezulu.
4. Ngiyazazi izimiso zami zokuphila. Bona (ngezinye izikhathi bengazi) banquma izinqumo nezenzo zethu. Umgxeki wangaphakathi nezimiso zethu zokuphila kuxhumene. Ngokwesibonelo, uma ongigxekayo njalo ethi, “Abantu abangithandi,” cishe esinye sezimiso zami zokuphila siwukuthi “Ukuze ngijabule, ngidinga ukuthandwa.”
5. Ukufuna umthombo wezimiso zokuphila. Zimbili izindlela ongangena ngazo ophenyweni lwakho lwangaphakathi. Thola ukuthi yini esikhathini esidlule eye yaba nomthelela enkolelweni yami yokuthi angithandwa noma angithandwa ngokwanele. Futhi ingabe isimiso sami sokuphila “Ukuze ujabule, udinga ukuthandwa” sasiwumgomo womkhaya wami? Uma kunjalo, kwakusho ukuthini? Lezi zindiza ezimbili zokuzibheka zizosenza siqonde ukuthi izinkolelo zethu zivela futhi zithuthuke kanjani. Futhi ngenxa yalokho, qaphela ukuthi lezi izinkolelo nje, hhayi iqiniso.
Isigaba 2: Ngibuyela eqinisweni
Kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi lokhu akukhona mayelana nomzamo wokuzithandela wokuyeka ukucabanga okungalungile. Futhi mayelana nendlela yokulwakha kabusha uhlelo lwezinkolelo zakho eziyiphutha, esikhundleni salo ngemibono yangempela. Futhi ngenxa yalokho, phinda uthole indima esebenzayo empilweni yakho.
1. Ngiyaziqhelelanisa nezinkolelo zami. Ephepheni, ngibhala: "Inkolelo yami engalungile," bese ngibonisa ukuthi yini isici kimi noma engijabulisayo okwamanje (isibonelo: "Angithandwa"). Le nhlangano engokomfanekiso ikuvumela ukuthi uyeke ukuzichaza ngomcabango wakho.
2. Ngibuza umgxeki wami wangaphakathi. Kusukela enkolelweni yami engeyinhle, ngingenela indima yokuba umseshi ophikelelayo oqhuba imibuzo ngaphandle kokukhohliswa noma ukuphoxeka. “Abangithandi. – Yibuphi ubufakazi onabo? – Abanginaki. Ubani ozibayo? Konke ngaphandle kokukhetha? njll.
Ngilokhu ngibuza, ngidabula uhlu lokuchema kwengqondo, kuze kube yilapho kuvela ama-nuances amahle nezinye izindlela, kanye nethuba lokushintsha indlela esibheka ngayo isimo.
3. Ngiqinisa umbono wami ongokoqobo ngezinto. Iqiniso alilona iqiniso ngokuphelele futhi alikho elibi ngokuphelele, izinkolelo zethu kuphela ezingaba "ziphelele". Ngakho-ke, ukuphindaphinda okunegethivu kufanele kuhlakazwe kuzingxenye zakhona ezingazodwana futhi kuhlelwe kabusha ukuze kufake amaphuzu amahle (noma angathathi hlangothi). Ngale ndlela, ungafinyelela umbono ongokoqobo futhi onenhloso ngesimo noma ubudlelwano.
Kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi uhlamvu lwemali luhlale lunezinhlangothi ezimbili: olunegethivu (“Bengingekho ezingeni”) kanye nephozithivu (“Ngifuna kakhulu”). Phela, ukungeneliseki ngokweqile ngokwakho kuvela ekufuneni okuthile, okuyinto ngokwayo eyimfanelo enhle. Futhi ukuze ngithathe isinyathelo esilandelayo, ngidinga ukuguqula lokho okufuna ngokweqile ngikwenze okungokoqobo.
Izindlela eziyisithupha zokucekela phansi impilo yakho
Ukuhlola iqiniso ngesihlungi esonakele kuwukuhlanekezela ngokuqonda, kwaphikisana no-Aaron Beck, umsunguli wokwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo. Wayekholelwa ukuthi yile ndlela esontekile yokubona izehlakalo nobudlelwano okwabangela imicabango nemizwa engemihle. Nazi ezinye izibonelo zezihlungi eziyingozi.
- I-generalization: i-generalization yomhlaba wonke neziphetho zenziwa ngesehlakalo esisodwa. Isibonelo: Angiphumelelanga ukuhlolwa okukodwa, okusho ukuthi ngizofeyila okunye.
- Ukucabanga okumnyama nokumhlophe: Izimo nobudlelwano bahlulelwa futhi bubhekwa njengenye yezinto ezeqisayo: okuhle noma okubi, njalo noma neze, konke noma lutho.
- Ukuqagela okungahleliwe: Ukucabanga okuphambene kwenziwa ngokusekelwe kusici esisodwa esitholakalayo. Isibonelo: akazange angishayele ucingo, nakuba ayethembisile. Ngakho akathembekile, noma angisho lutho kuye.
- Ukweqisa kokubi nokwehliswa kokuhle: okubi kuphela kucatshangelwa, futhi okuhle kuyalinganiswa noma kuqedwe ngokuphelele. Isibonelo: iholide lami alibanga yimpumelelo nhlobo (yize empeleni bekunezikhathi ezimbalwa ezinhle noma okungenani ezingathathi hlangothi phakathi nesonto).
- Ukwenza kube ngokwakho: umuzwa wokuba nesibopho sezehlakalo nokuziphatha kwalabo abasizungezile abangekho ngempela ekulawuleni kwethu. Isibonelo: indodakazi yami ayizange iye ekolishi, kukimi, bekufanele ngiqine noma ngichithe isikhathi esiningi nayo.
- Okujwayelekile okukhethiwe: Ukugxila kuphela ohlangothini olubi lwesimo. Isibonelo: ku-interview, angikwazanga ukuphendula umbuzo owodwa, okusho ukuthi ngizibonakalise ngingafaneleki futhi ngeke ngiqashwe.