Abazali abanothando bafuna izingane zabo zibe abantu abaphumelelayo nabazethembayo. Kodwa kanjani ukuhlakulela lezi zimfanelo kuzo? Intatheli yazithela phezu kocwaningo oluthakazelisayo futhi yanquma ukukuhlola emndenini wayo. Nakhu akuthola.
Angizange ngigxile kakhulu ezingxoxweni zokuthi ugogo nomkhulu babehlanganaphi nokuthi babuchitha kanjani ebuntwaneni babo. Kwaze kwaba ngolunye usuku ngahlangana nesifundo seminyaka yawo-1990.
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo uMarshall Duke noRobin Fivush base-Emory University e-United States zenza ucwaningo futhi zathola ukuthi lapho izingane zazi okwengeziwe ngezimpande zazo, ingqondo yazo isimama kakhudlwana, kulapho ukuzethemba kwazo kuyanda futhi kulapho zingakwazi khona ukulawula ukuphila kwazo.
“Izindaba zezihlobo zinikeza ingane ithuba lokuzwa umlando womndeni, zakha umuzwa wokuxhumana nezinye izizukulwane,” ngifunde kulolu cwaningo. — Ngisho noma eneminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye kuphela, uzizwa enobunye nalabo ababephila eminyakeni eyikhulu edlule, baba ingxenye yobuntu bakhe. Ngalokhu kuxhumana, amandla engqondo nokuqina kuthuthukiswa. "
Awu, imiphumela emihle. Nganquma ukuhlola uhlu lwemibuzo lososayensi ezinganeni zami.
Babhekana kalula nombuzo othi “Ingabe uyazi ukuthi abazali bakho bakhulela kuphi?” Kodwa bakhubeka kugogo nomkhulu. Sabe sesidlulela embuzweni othi “Uyazi ukuthi abazali bakho bahlanganaphi?”. Nalapha futhi, kwakungekho ukushayisana, futhi inguqulo yaphenduka yaba yothando kakhulu: "Ubone ubaba esixukwini endaweni yokucima ukoma, futhi bekuwuthando ekuqaleni."
Kodwa emhlanganweni wogogo nomkhulu baphinde bama. Ngamtshela ukuthi abazali bomyeni wami bahlangana emdansweni e-Bolton, futhi ubaba nomama bahlangana embuthanweni wokuqeda izikhali zenuzi.
Kamuva, ngabuza uMarshall Duke, “Ingabe kulungile uma ezinye zezimpendulo zihlotshiswe kancane?” Akunandaba, uthi. Into eyinhloko ukuthi abazali babelane ngomlando womndeni, futhi izingane zingatshela okuthile ngakho.
Qhubeka: “Uyazi ukuthi kwakwenzekani emndenini ngenkathi wena (nabafowenu noma odadewenu) nizalwa?” Omdala wayemncane kakhulu lapho amawele evela, kodwa wakhumbula ukuthi wabe esewabiza ngokuthi «pink baby» kanye «blue baby».
Futhi lapho nje ngiphefumula ngokukhululeka, imibuzo yaba ebucayi. “Uyazi ukuthi abazali bakho babesebenza kuphi besebancane kakhulu?”
Indodana endala yakhumbula ngokushesha ukuthi ubaba waletha amaphephandaba ngebhayisikili, futhi indodakazi encane engangiyi-weta, kodwa ngangingenalo kahle (ngangichitha njalo itiye futhi ngididekile amafutha kagalikhi ngemayonnaise). “Futhi ngesikhathi usebenza endaweni yokucima ukoma, uxabane nompheki, ngoba bekungekho nesisodwa isidlo esiphuma kumenyu, futhi zonke izivakashi zakuzwa.”
Ngimtshelile ngempela? Ingabe badinga ngempela ukwazi? Yebo, kusho uDuke.
Ngisho nezindaba ezihlekisayo ezivela ebusheni bami ziyabasiza: ukuze bafunde ukuthi izihlobo zabo zazinqoba kanjani ubunzima.
“Amaqiniso angajabulisi ngokuvamile ayafihlwa ezinganeni, kodwa ukukhuluma ngezenzakalo ezingezinhle kungaba okubaluleke kakhulu ekwakheni ukuqina okungokomzwelo kunezakhayo,” kusho uMarshall Duke.
Kunezinhlobo ezintathu zezindaba zomlando womndeni:
- Ekuphakameni: "Sizuze yonke into ngaphandle kweze."
- Ekwindla: "Silahlekelwe yikho konke."
- Futhi inketho ephumelele kakhulu "ukuguqula" kusuka kwesinye isifunda kuya kwesinye: "Sibe nakho kokubili ukwehla nokwenyuka."
Ngikhule nohlobo lwakamuva lwezindaba, futhi ngithanda ukucabanga ukuthi izingane nazo zizozikhumbula lezi zindaba. Indodana yami iyazi ukuthi ukhokho wayo waba ngumsebenzi wasemayini ineminyaka engu-14, futhi indodakazi yami iyazi ukuthi ukhokho wayo waya emsebenzini isemusha.
Ngiyaqonda ukuthi siphila eqinisweni elihluke ngokuphelele manje, kodwa yilokhu umelaphi wemikhaya uStephen Walters akushoyo: “Intambo eyodwa ibuthakathaka, kodwa lapho ilukwa ibe into enkulu, ixhunywe neminye intambo, kuba nzima kakhulu ukuyigqashula. ” Yile ndlela esizizwa sinamandla ngayo.
UDuke ukholelwa ukuthi ukuxoxa ngamadrama omndeni kungaba isisekelo esihle sokuxoxisana komzali nengane uma iminyaka yezindaba zokulala isidlulile. “Ngisho noma iqhawe lendaba lingasekho kodwa sisaqhubeka nokufunda kulo.”
Mayelana nombhali: URebecca Hardy uyintatheli ezinze eLondon.