Okuqukethwe
Njengezingane, sasolwa ngokuba ngamavila - kodwa asizange senze into esasingayifuni. I-psychotherapist ikholelwa ukuthi umuzwa wecala obekwe abazali nomphakathi awukona nje ukubhubhisa, kodwa futhi awunasisekelo.
“Lapho ngiseyingane, abazali bami babevame ukungihlambalaza ngokuvilapha. Manje sengimdala, futhi abantu abaningi bangazi njengomuntu okhuthele, ngezinye izikhathi ngokweqisa. Manje kuyangicacela ukuthi abazali babenephutha, ”kuvuma u-Avrum Weiss. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esineminyaka engamashumi amane yokuhlangenwe nakho komtholampilo sichaza inkinga evamile ngesibonelo sakhe.
“Ngicabanga ukuthi babize ubuvila ngokuntula umdlandla womsebenzi okumele ngiwenze. Namuhla sengikhule ngokwanele ukuba ngiqonde izisusa zabo, kodwa njengomfana, ngafunda ngokuqinile ukuthi ngangivilapha. Lokhu kwahlala isikhathi eside ekhanda lami. Akumangazi-ke ukuthi ngenze okuningi ekuhlolweni kwabo ngokunikela ingxenye enkulu yempilo yami ukuze ngizikholise ngokuthi angilona ivila,” usho kanje.
Emsebenzini wakhe njenge-psychotherapist, u-Weiss akayeki ukumangala ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene eziholela abantu ekuzigxekeni okukhulu. “Angihlakaniphe ngokwanele”, “konke akulungile ngenxa yami”, “angikwazi ukumelana nakho” nokunye. Kaningi ungezwa ukulahlwa kwakho ngenxa yobuvila.
Ihlelo labasebenzi
Ubuvila yikona okuyicala okuyihlazo esikweni. U-Avrum Weiss ubhala ngeMelika, “izwe lamathuba” elinehlelo lokusebenza kanzima okuthiwa lingenza noma ubani ehhovisi likamongameli noma enze usozigidi. Kodwa isimo sengqondo esifanayo sokusebenza sivamile namuhla emazweni amaningi.
E-USSR, kwakuyilungelo ukufeza nokudlula uhlelo futhi kudlule "uhlelo lweminyaka emihlanu eminyakeni emine". Futhi eminyakeni yamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye, umphakathi waseRussia wahlukaniswa kakhulu kwaba yilabo ababedumele ngamakhono abo namathemba abo, kanti abanye umsebenzi wabo nokuzikhandla kwabo kwabasiza "ukuvuka" noma okungenani bahlale behamba.
Umqondo waseNtshonalanga owachazwa u-Weiss kanye nokugxila empumelelweni ngokushesha kwaqala ukugxila esikweni lethu — inkinga ayichazayo ijwayelekile kwabaningi: «Uma ungakaphumeleli kokuthile, kungenxa yokuthi awuwenzi umzamo ofanele.
Konke lokhu kube nomthelela ekutheni sahlulele abanye nathi ngokwethu ngokuvilapha uma bona noma singenzi lokho esicabanga ukuthi kufanele sikwenze.
Isibonelo, lahla izinto zasebusika, geza izitsha noma ukhiphe udoti. Futhi kuyaqondakala ukuthi kungani sahlulela abantu ngokungakwenzi - emva kwakho konke, sifuna bakwenze! Abantu bawuhlobo lwesizwe, abasahlala ezindaweni ezifuze imiphakathi. Impilo emphakathini izoba ngcono uma wonke umuntu ekulungele ukufeza imisebenzi yakhe ukuze kuzuze abanye, ngisho nangethi “Angifuni”.
Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abangathanda ukukhuculula udoti noma indle - kodwa into enhle emphakathini idinga ukwenziwa. Ngakho-ke abantu bafuna uhlobo oluthile lwesinxephezelo ukuze kube nomuntu othatha lezi zibopho ezingajabulisi. Uma isinxephezelo singanele noma singasasebenzi, siphakamisa isibalo bese sidlulela ekuhlazekeni komphakathi, siphoqa abantu ngamahloni ukuthi benze lokho abangafuni nhlobo ukukwenza.
Ukulahlwa komphakathi
Lena yindlela, ngokukaWeiss, abazali bakhe abamcindezela ngayo ukuba akhulise inkuthalo yakhe. Ingane ifaneleka ukwahlulela komzali futhi ikwenze kube eyakhe. Nasemphakathini sibiza abantu njengamavila ngoba abakwenzi esikufunayo.
Ukusebenza okumangalisayo kwehlazo ukuthi lisebenza ngisho nalapho kungekho muntu eduze okhulumayo phezu kwendlebe yakho: “Vila! Lazy!» Ngisho noma kungekho muntu, abantu bazozigxeka ngokuvilapha ngokungakwenzi bonke abacabanga ukuthi kufanele.
U-Weiss uphakamisa ukucabangela ngokucophelela lesi sitatimende: "Ayikho into enjengobuvila." Lokhu esikubiza ngokuthi ubuvila kumane kuwukuchasisa okusemthethweni kwabantu. Baba yizinto zokumangalelwa, bahlazeke obala ngalokho abangafuni ukukwenza.
Kodwa umuntu uzibonakalisa ngezenzo - ukwenza lokho akufunayo futhi engenzi lokho angakufuni.
Uma umuntu ekhuluma ngesifiso sakhe sokwenza okuthile, kodwa engakwenzi, sikubiza ngokuthi ubuvila. Futhi eqinisweni, kusho kuphela ukuthi akafuni ukukwenza. Singakuqonda kanjani lokhu? Yebo, ngoba akakwenzi. Futhi uma bengifuna, bengizokwenza. Konke kulula.
Isibonelo, othile uthi ufuna ukwehlisa isisindo bese ecela uphudingi olwengeziwe. Ngakho akakakulungeli ukunciphisa umzimba. Unamahloni ngaye noma uhlazekile ngabanye - kufanele "kufanele" afune. Kodwa ukuziphatha kwakhe kukhombisa ngokusobala ukuthi akakakulungeli lokhu.
Sibahlulela abanye ngokuba ngamavila ngoba sicabanga ukuthi akwamukelekile emphakathini ukungakufuni okufanele bakufune. Futhi ngenxa yalokho, abantu benza sengathi bafuna lokho okubhekwa njengokufanelekile ukukudinga, futhi basole ukungenzi lutho kwabo ngobuvila. Umbuthano uvaliwe.
Zonke lezi zindlela "zithungwe" ngokuqinile emakhanda ethu. Kodwa, mhlawumbe, ukuqaphela lezi zinqubo kuzosisiza ukuba sithembeke kithi ngokwethu, siqonde kangcono futhi sihloniphe izifiso zabanye.