Okuqukethwe
Kuningi osekushiwo ngokubaluleka kokubeka imingcele, kodwa kusho ukuthini lokhu ngokwenza? Ungalokotha kanjani ekugcineni uqale ukuvikela indawo yakho kulabo abavame ukuyingenela?
“Imingcele yethu yomuntu siqu inquma ukuthi yini esiyilungele nesingakalungeli ukuyenza. Imingcele yethu inquma ukuthi sisabela kanjani ekuziphatheni kwabanye, kodwa ngokubeka imingcele, asizami ukushintsha abanye abantu, ”kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Shari Stynes.
Imingcele yethu ihlobene eduze nomuzwa wethu wokuzethemba, umthwalo wemfanelo kanye nokuvuthwa. Izinkinga zemingcele zivame ukuvela ngenxa yezizathu ezimbili: ukukhulisa noma ukwesaba.
Kunezinhlobo ezintathu eziyinhloko zemingcele yomuntu siqu:
1. Ziqinile — sizibeka ezimeni lapho sithobela imithetho eqinile futhi siqhelelane ngaphandle kokusondelana nabanye abantu.
2. Udidekile — le mingcele ivela ebudlelwaneni be-symbiotic lapho usebenza njengendlela yokwanelisa izidingo nezidingo zomunye umuntu, noma othile asebenze njengendlela enjalo kuwe.
3. Kuyavumeleka — lokhu kuvame ukuba wuhlobo lwemingcele olunempilo kakhulu: wazi kahle ukuthi indawo yakho iphelela kuphi nendawo yomunye iqala, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo awesabi ukuvumelana endaweni yakho.
“Imvamisa kufanelekile ukulwela ukwakha okuthembekile, kepha ngasikhathi sinye imingcele ene-porous. Lokhu kusho ukuthi uyazazi, amalungelo akho kanye nezibopho zakho, vumela abanye ukuthi babe yibona ngaphandle kokudinga ukuthi bashintshele wena, ”kusho uShari Stynes.
Uyichaza kanjani imingcele yakho?
“Ungalokothi wenze izinqumo ezinkulu lapho ucasukile, unomona, noma usothandweni,” kweluleka umqeqeshi uMario Tegu. Ekugcineni, into esemqoka ukuzazi ngokweqiniso, wakhe uhlelo lwakho lwenani nendawo yomthwalo wemfanelo. UShari Stines uncoma ukuzivocavoca okuzokusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono imingcele yakho yomuntu siqu futhi unqume ukuthi yini okufanele ishintshwe:
1. Yenza uhlu lwezinkinga zakho. Yini ekukhathazayo?
2. Faka ohlwini bonke abathintekayo ezinkingeni zakho. Obani lezi zinkinga? Ziyini izibopho zakho kulaba bantu?
3. Ufunani? Ngokuvamile, labo abanezinkinga zemingcele yomuntu siqu abazi nokuthi bafunani ngempela. Kubalulekile ukuzazi ngokweqiniso ukuze uqonde izifiso nezidingo zakho zangempela.
4. Thola ukuthi ubani onecala ngalokho. Ingabe uthwala izibopho zomunye umuntu? Nquma ukuthi ubani okufanele enzeni esimweni samanje.
5. Chaza imingcele eyeqisayo yalokho okwamukelekayo: lokho okulungele futhi ongakulungele ukukubekezelela. Le mingcele akuxoxwa ngayo.
Khumbula ukuthi imingcele yakho ichazwa ngezenzo zakho, hhayi izenzo zabanye. “Nguwe onqumayo ukuthi yini ongayenza, futhi nginquma ukuthi yini engizimisele ukuyibekezelela,” kubhala izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo uHenry Cloud noJohn Townsend.
Ngisho noma uzizwa unobugovu futhi uzizwa unecala, zama ukuphinde ucabange ngalezi zinkolelo.
Ake sithathe isibonelo sasekhaya: ukhathele ukuhlala ucela umlingani wakho ukuthi akukhiphe amasokisi. Yeka ukumkhumbuza ngakho, vele ubeke amasokisi endaweni ethile (njengebhasikidi yokuwasha) bese ukhohlwa ngakho. Akufanele ngisho nokukhuluma ngalesi sihloko — vele ubhekane nenkinga ngokwakho futhi uqhubeke uphila.
Indlela yokubeka imingcele:
1. Khumbula, imingcele yakho imayelana nawe, hhayi abanye.
2. Zilungiselele ukumelana - kokubili abanye kanye nokwakho. Kuzodingeka unqobe ukwesaba kwakho futhi cishe uzoveza izindaba ezifihliwe kusukela ebuntwaneni noma ebuhlotsheni bangaphambili lapho ungavunyelwe ukubeka nokuvikela imingcele yakho. Uma uzama ukwakha imingcele ebuhlotsheni nomuntu ogula ngokwengqondo noma ongasebenzi kahle, kungenzeka ukuthi uhlangabezane nokuphikiswa noma uzame ukuziphindiselela.
3. Zivumele ukuthi uzibekele imingcele. Khumbula ukuthi unelungelo lokunakekela izithakazelo zakho. Ngisho noma uzizwa unobugovu futhi unecala, zama ukucabangisisa ngalezi zinkolelo futhi wenze isinqumo esinengqondo sokungavumi. Zikhumbuze ukuthi yilokho okwenziwa abantu abadala kanye nabantu abavuthiwe.
Okufanele ukwenze uma wazi imikhawulo yakho, kodwa ungakakulungeli ukuyivikela
Mhlawumbe usuvele uyazi ukuthi yimiphi imingcele ongathanda ukuyakha ebuhlotsheni nomuntu othile, kodwa ngesizathu esithile awukakakulungeli ukuyibeka futhi uyivikele. Yini engenziwa?
1. Khuluma ngezifiso zakho. Tshela othile ngazo. Zibhale phansi ephepheni.
2. Bheka ngaphakathi kuwena ukuze uqonde ukuthi kungani kunzima kuwe ukuvikela le mingcele. Ungase udinge usizo lokuxazulula ukwesaba kwakho, ukungazethembi, nezithiyo zangaphakathi ezikuvimbela ekubekeni nasekuvikeleni imingcele.
3. Shintsha ubuhlobo bakho nomuntu othile kancane kancane. Qala ngemishwana efana nokuthi «angivumelani nalokhu», «angikuvumeli lokhu». Ungesabi ukusho lokho okucabangayo ngokukhululekile, kodwa gwema izinsongo. Yisho ngokukhululekile okufunayo, kuyilapho uqonda ukuthi lokhu kuyingxenye yenqubo yokukhula kwakho siqu. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzozizwa unamandla futhi kulula ukubeka nokuvikela imingcele futhi unakekele izidingo zakho kanye nezidingo zakho ekusebenzeni.
Imingcele kufanele ikwenzele okuhle, ungabi yisigqila sabo futhi ungakhathazeki ngokuthi abanye bacabangani
Uma unomuzwa wokuthi kunzima kuwe ukubeka imingcele edingekayo, yiba nesineke futhi uzitike ngawe. Ungazithethisi. Khumbula ukuthi ubunzima bakho banezizathu zabo, kodwa kancane kancane uzobhekana nakho konke. Ungaqala ngokuzibekela umngcele: “Ngizoyeka ukuzigxeka futhi ngizibekezelele, ngiqaphela ukuthi kufanele ngenze izinqumo ezinzima.”
Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzoba ngcono ekubekeni nasekuvikeleni imingcele. Ungakhohlwa ukuthi kufanele bakwenzele okuhle, ungabi yisigqila sabo futhi ungakhathazeki ngokuthi abanye bacabangani. Unezidingo zakho kanye namathuba. Into esemqoka ohlelweni lokubeka imingcele yakho ukuba nesibindi sokunquma ngokuqinile ukuthi yini okulungele futhi ongakakulungeli ukuyenza, futhi ungaziba ukuphikisa kwabanye abantu, ”Kufingqa u-Shari Stines.
Mayelana Nombhali: UShari Stynes uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisebenza ngokukhethekile ekwelapheni ukuphazamiseka kobuntu kanye nemiphumela yokuhlukumezeka kwengqondo.