Ukuphila komkhaya akufani ngaso sonke isikhathi neholide. Abashadile babhekana nezilingo ezihlukahlukene. Ukusinda kubo nokuhlala ndawonye akuwona umsebenzi olula. Intatheli uLindsey Detweiler wabelana ngemfihlo yakhe yomshado omude.
Ngikhumbula ngimi phambi kwe-altare ngigqoke ingubo yoleyisi emhlophe futhi ngicabanga ngekusasa elimangalisayo. Njengoba sasisho izifungo zethu phambi kwezihlobo nabangane, izinkulungwane zezithombe zenjabulo zazibonakala emakhanda ethu. Emaphusheni ami, sasihamba ngezinyawo zothando ngasogwini futhi saqabulana ngothando. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-23, ngangicabanga ukuthi umshado uyinjabulo nenjabulo.
Iminyaka emihlanu idlule ngokushesha. Amaphupho obudlelwano obuhle ashabalala. Uma silwa futhi sithethisana ngomgqomo kadoti ochichimayo noma izikweletu ezingakhokhiwe, sikhohlwa izithembiso esizenze e-altare. Umshado awuwona nje umzuzu okhanyayo wenjabulo othwetshulwe esithombeni somshado. Njengeminye imibhangqwana, siye safunda ukuthi umshado awusoze waphelela. Umshado awulula futhi ngokuvamile awujabulisi.
Pho yini eyenza sibambene ngezandla njengoba sihamba ohambweni lwempilo?
Ikhono lokuhleka ndawonye nokungathathi ukuphila ngokungathi sína ngokweqile ligcina umshado uqhubeka.
Abanye bazothi lolu uthando lweqiniso. Abanye bazophendula: Lesi isiphetho, sihloselwe omunye nomunye. Kanti abanye bazophikelela ngokuthi yindaba yokubekezela nokubekezela. Ezincwadini nakomagazini, ungathola izeluleko eziningi zokwenza umshado ube ngcono. Anginaso isiqiniseko sokuthi kukhona okusebenzayo okungu-XNUMX%.
Ngacabanga kakhulu ngobudlelwano bethu. Ngabona ukuthi kunesici esisodwa esibalulekile esithinta impumelelo yomshado wethu. Kusisiza ukuthi sihlale sixhumekile, nanoma ukuqhubeka kuba nzima. Leso sici uhleko.
Mina nomyeni wami asifani. Sengijwayele ukuhlela yonke into nokulandela imithetho ngokukhuthala. Uyisihlubuki, ucabanga ngokukhululeka futhi wenza ngokuvumelana nemizwa yakhe. Uyi-extrovert futhi mina ngingumuntu othanda introvert. Usebenzisa imali mina ngiyonga. Sinemibono eyahlukene cishe kuzo zonke izindaba, kusukela kwezemfundo kuye kwezenkolo kuya kwezombusazwe. Ukwehluka kwenza ubudlelwano bethu bungaciki. Nokho, kufanele senze ukuvumelana futhi ngezinye izikhathi sixazulule izingxabano ezinzima.
Isici esisihlanganisayo umuzwa wokuhlekisa. Kusukela ngosuku lokuqala, besilokhu sihleka njalo. Sithola amahlaya afanayo ehlekisa. Ngelanga lomshado, ikhekhe lahlakazeka kwacima nogesi, senza konke esasingakwenza — saqala sahleka.
Omunye uzothi ukuba namahlaya akuqinisekisi injabulo emshadweni. Angihambisani nalokhu. Ngikholelwa ukuthi ikhono lokuhleka ndawonye nokungathathi izinto ngokungathi sína kakhulu kugcina umshado uqhubeka.
Ngisho nangezinsuku ezimbi kakhulu, ikhono lokuhleka lasisiza saqhubeka. Okwesikhashana, sakhohlwa izenzakalo ezimbi futhi sabona uhlangothi olukhanyayo, futhi lokhu kwasenza sasondelana. Sanqoba izithiyo ezingenakunqotshwa ngokushintsha isimo sethu sengqondo nokwenza omunye nomunye amamatheke.
Sishintshile, kodwa sisakholelwa ezithembisweni zothando lwaphakade, izifungo kanye nomuzwa wamahlaya owabelana ngawo.
Phakathi nezingxabano, amahlaya ngokuvamile akhulula ukungezwani. Lokhu kusiza ukulahla imizwa engemihle futhi kudlulele emnyombeni wenkinga, ukuthola ulimi oluvamile.
Ukuhleka nozakwethu kubonakala sengathi kungase kube lula. Nokho, lokhu kusho izinga elijulile lobudlelwano. Ngibamba iso lakhe ngakolunye uhlangothi lwegumbi futhi ngiyazi ukuthi sizohleka ngalokhu kamuva. Amahlaya ethu awubufakazi bokuthi sazana kangakanani. Asihlangene nje ngokukwazi ukwenza amahlaya, kodwa ngokukwazi ukuqondana ezingeni eliyisisekelo.
Ukuze umshado ujabule, akwanele nje ukushada nensizwa ejabule. Ukushintshana nomuntu akusho ukuthola umlingani womphefumulo. Nokho, ngesisekelo samahlaya, ukusondelana okujulile kungakhiwa.
Umshado wethu awuphelele neze. Sivame ukuthuka inhlamba, kodwa amandla obudlelwano bethu asemahlayeni. Imfihlo eyinhloko yomshado wethu weminyaka engu-17 ukuhleka kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka.
Asifani nabantu abake bama e-altare bafunga uthando lwaphakade. Sesishintshile. Safunda ukuthi ungakanani umzamo odingekayo ukuze sihlale ndawonye phakathi nazo zonke izilingo zokuphila.
Kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, sisakholelwa ezithembisweni zothando lwaphakade, izifungo kanye nengqondo evamile yokuhleka.