Okuqukethwe
Khumbula isaga esithi: "Ngitshele ukuthi ungubani umngane wakho, futhi ngizokutshela ukuthi ungubani"? Siphakamisa ukuyishintsha kancane: "Ngitshele ukuthi ubani umngane wakho, futhi sizokutshela uma kufanele uqhubeke nokuxhumana naye." Phela abangani ababi ababona nje amambuka, abaqambimanga nabakhohlisi. Siyakutshela ukuthi ubani okufanele abhekisise.
Usolwazi waseNyuvesi yaseKansas uDkt. Jeffrey Hall wenze ucwaningo olujabulisayo ukuze athole ukuthi kuthatha amahora amangaki ukuba umngane womuntu. Ngenxa yalokho, kwavela ukuthi sibe "abangane" emahoreni angu-50, "abangane abahle" ngamahora angu-120-160, futhi "abangane abakhulu" emahoreni angu-200 asetshenziswe ndawonye.
Kuvela ukuthi ukuqiniswa kobudlelwano bobungani akuthathi isikhathi esincane, kudinga amandla nokutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo. Kodwa konke lokhu "kutshalwa kwezimali" kungaphezu kokukhokhelwa: ngokubuyisela, sithola umuzwa wokusondelana, induduzo, injabulo yokwazi omunye.
Kodwa ngaphambi kokuthi "utshale imali" ebuhlotsheni nomunye umuntu, udinga ukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi ufanelekile. Kunabantu ongadingi ukuthi uchithe isikhathi sakho namandla kubo - hhayi ngoba "babi" ngokwabo, kodwa ngoba ubudlelwano nabo ngeke bukunike imizwa eyakhayo.
1. Njalo "udinga"
Umuntu onjalo udinga njalo abanye abantu, udinga inkampani, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ukhuluma ngokuyinhloko ngaye, ngezinkinga nezidingo zakhe. Kukhona okwenzeka njalo kuye, futhi impilo yakhe iyidrama eqhubekayo. Futhi, yiqiniso, sihawukela abaneshwa ngendlela yethu, kuphela kunzima nakakhulu kithi: ebuhlotsheni obunjalo asitholi lutho ngokubuyisela - akukho ukufudumala, ukunaka, akukho ukuhlanganyela. Ukuxhumana naye kuyakhathaza futhi kuyalimaza.
2. Ukukhononda ngabanye ngemuva
Ungaqiniseka ukuthi uma kunokungqubuzana phakathi kwenu, lo muntu ngeke abe nesibindi nokuvuthwa ukuze akhulume nani ubuso nobuso. Cha, uzokuhleba futhi akunyundele ngemuva kwakho.
Kunjalo nje sonke bantu siyaxoxisana akukho ukuqhela kulokhu. Umbuzo uthi sikwenza kanjani, ngamuphi umyalezo, inhloso, yimaphi amagama esiwakhethayo. Uma siphendukela kwabanye ukuze sithole iseluleko, lokhu kuyinto eyodwa, kodwa uma nje sigijimela “ukunyonyoba” nokuhleba, kuhlukile.
3. Ukuzicabangela yena yedwa
Bafana kakhulu “nabaswele ingunaphakade”, ngoba bakhuluma ngabo kuphela. Yiqiniso, i-"obsessed" ayigcini nje ngezikhalazo - ukhuluma ngezindaba zakhe nezingubo ezintsha, ngokubukeka kwakhe nokuphila, ngomsebenzi wakhe nezithakazelo zakhe. Sinesiqiniseko sokuthi “umdlalo wohlangothi olulodwa” onjalo, lapho ingekho khona indawo yezingxoxo nezintshisakalo zakho, cishe uzobhoreka maduze.
4. Ukulawula
Umuntu onjalo ujwayele ukuyala, ujwayele ukuthi konke kufanele kube njengokusho kwakhe. Futhi akakakulungeli nakancane ukuzwa ukuphikiswa. Ngokuvamile ungumuntu olandela imithetho, ongazimisele ngokuphelele ukuyekethisa nokuvumelana nezimo. Kodwa uNkulunkulu akakuvumeli ukuba ubatshele ngakho — “wenza njalo, wenza futhi uzokwenza,” futhi akukho lutho olungamfundisa!
Ubuncane bengqondo buvimbela "isilawuli" ekwakheni ubudlelwano obuvulekile nobujabulisayo. Yini ekhona - ngezinye izikhathi akujabulisi ukuxhumana nomuntu onjalo.
5. Ukungabi nasibopho ngokuphelele
Masikhulume iqiniso: bonke abangani ngezinye izikhathi bafika sekwephuzile, futhi ezimeni ezingavamile, abanye babo baze baphazamise izinhlelo zethu. Nokho siyazi ukuthi iningi labo kungathenjelwa kulo.
Ukungabi nasibopho okuphelele kungenye indaba. Umuntu onjalo uhlala ephuzile imizuzu engama-30-40, noma ihora. Ikhansela njalo ama-aphoyintimenti. Uthembisa ukuthi uzophinda ashaye ucingo. Ukhohlwa ngezinsuku ezibalulekile, futhi manje bese ehluleka - ngegama, awukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuvamile nomngane onjalo.
6. Ukwahlulela ngokweqile
Futhi, sonke siyaxoxa, sahlulele, futhi sigxeke abanye okungenani kanye ngesikhathi. Kodwa kunabantu abalahla abanye ngokhahlo, ngenxa nje yokuthi ngandlela-thile “abanjalo” - baziphatha ngendlela ehlukile kunalokho abangani bethu abebengathanda. "Bashesha ukubulala" futhi banikeze isinqumo esingenasihawu ngaphandle kokuba nesikhathi sokuxhumana kahle nabanye, njengoba bengafuni ukwazi kangcono u-interlocutor, umlando wakhe kanye nesisusa.
Ngomuntu onjalo, akunakwenzeka ukuzizwa uphephile ngokomzwelo, ngoba awukwazi ukuthi igagasi lokulahlwa kwakhe liyokushaya nini.
7. Ukuvilapha kakhulu
Umuntu oyivila akayena ngempela umngane omubi, nokho kwenzeka kaningi. Uma engazihluphi ngokwenza okuthile kwezinye izindawo futhi elokhu ehlehlisa, sikuphi isiqinisekiso sokuthi ngeke enze okufanayo kuwe nasebunganini bakho? Kuzobukeka sengathi nguwe kuphela ozama ukuhudula «inqola» yobudlelwano bakho ndawana thize.
Wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi abangane beqiniso bayigugu kangakanani, kodwa isikhathi sethu siyigugu ngokufanayo. Yisebenzise ngobuhlakani futhi ungawachithi kulabo abangakufanelekeli ubungane bakho.