Okuqukethwe
“Esibhekana nakho uma sisothandweni kungase kube isimo esijwayelekile. "Uthando lubonisa umuntu lokho okufanele abe yikho," kubhala uChekhov. "Uthando luqala ngokuthi umuntu uyazikhohlisa, futhi luphetha ngokuthi ukhohlisa omunye," uWilde akazange avumelane naye. Ngakho-ke kuyini - ukubuyela kokujwayelekile noma ukuthunjwa okumnandi kokukhohlisa? Isayensi ayiwuphenduli lo mbuzo. Kodwa kuyaziwa ukuthi ihlukaniswe ngaziphi izigaba inqubo yokuthatheka komunye umuntu.
Uthando lwezothando belwaziwa kusukela kudala, izazi zefilosofi zazikhuluma ngalo kanti izimbongi zazihaya izinkondlo. Uthando aluyilaleli imithetho yokucabanga nokunengqondo, luyakwazi ukusiphakamisela phezulu kwenjabulo bese lusehlisela kwalasha wokuphelelwa ithemba ngenxa yezizathu ezingasho lutho.
Sivame ukuthandana lapho nje singakuhlelile, futhi imvamisa abangane nezihlobo zethu abakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani sathandana nalo muntu.
“Kodwa nokho, isayensi kancane kancane iziqonda izimfihlo zokuthandana, njengoba nje yachaza izenzakalo eziningi ezingokwemvelo ezake zabonakala zingenakubikezelwa futhi ziyimfihlakalo,” kuphawula isazi sezinzwa uLucy Brown.
Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi inqubo yokungena othandweni imvamisa inezigaba eziyisikhombisa.
1. Umsuka womuzwa
Ukuwela othandweni kuzalwa ngesikhathi lapho umuntu ngokuzumayo ethola incazelo ekhetheke kakhulu kuwe. Futhi akunandaba ukuthi umazi iminyaka eminingi ngaphambili noma wahlangana emahoreni ambalwa edlule, yonke imicabango yakho manje igxile kuye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyathanda noma awuthandi, usuvele uthandana.
2. Imicabango ecindezelayo
Imicabango yakho yokuqala mayelana nothando ingena ingena ngaphakathi. Udlala futhi ingxoxo kaningi ekhanda lakho, khumbula ukuthi wayegqoke kanjani ngalobo busuku, noma uncoma ukumamatheka kwakhe.
Lapho ufunda incwadi, uyazibuza ukuthi angathanda yini. Futhi angakweluleka kanjani ukuthi uxazulule inkinga yakho nomphathi wakho? Umhlangano ngamunye nalo muntu, ngokuzenzakalelayo noma ohleliwe, uba umcimbi obalulekile kuwe, owukhumbulayo futhi uwuhlaziye.
Ekuqaleni, le micabango ivela ngezikhathi ezithile kuphela, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi iba yinto exakile ngempela. Abantu abaningi bacabanga ngothandekayo wabo 85% kuya ku-100% wesikhathi. Ngokuvamile le micabango ayiphazamisi impilo yansuku zonke, idala kuphela isizinda esimnandi sayo. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi bangathatha ingqondo yakho kangangokuthi baqale ukuphazamisa umsebenzi noma ukufunda.
3. Ukwakhiwa kwesithombe esicacile
Kukholelwa ukuthi abathandi benza kahle into yothando lwabo, bengaqapheli ukushiyeka kwayo. Kodwa ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi lokhu akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele. Esigabeni sesithathu sokuthandana, wenza umqondo ocacile hhayi kuphela mayelana nokufaneleka komuntu ongase abe umlingani, kodwa futhi mayelana nokushiyeka kwakhe. Uyayeka ukuba kuwe uhlobo lwesidalwa somlingo, uyaqonda ukuthi lo ngumuntu ophilayo ojwayelekile. Kodwa-ke, uthambekele ekubukeni phansi ukushiyeka kwakhe noma ukubheke njengezinto ezinhle.
4. Ukukhangwa, ithemba nokungaqiniseki
Lapho unombono ocacile wento yothando, uqala ukudonseka nakakhulu kuye, uzizwa unethemba nokungaqiniseki, unethemba lokuqala ubuhlobo naye.
Konke okwenzekayo phakathi kwenu kuvusa imizwa enamandla: ukuvunyelwa okuncane nje kwakhe - futhi kubonakala kuwe ukuthi imizwa yakho ihlangene, ukugxeka okuncane kakhulu kukuphonsa ekuphelelweni ithemba, futhi ngisho nokuhlukana okufushane kubangela ukukhathazeka. Uzimisele ukunqoba noma yiziphi izithiyo endleleni yothando.
5. I-Hypomania
Ngesinye isikhathi, ungase ube nesimo esibizwa ngokuthi i-hypomania. Uzozwa ukukhuphuka kwamandla, isidingo sakho sokudla nokulala sizokwehla isikhashana. Kodwa kungase kube nemiphumela engemihle - ukujuluka, ukuthuthumela, ukungingiza, ukujuluka, ukushaya kwenhliziyo, ukungakhululeki ekunyakazeni.
6. Umhawu nesisusa esinamandla sokwenza okuthile
Unesifiso esikhulayo sokuzuza umusa walo muntu. Kuvela umhawu ongenangqondo, uqala "ukuqapha" into yothando lwakho, uzama ukusunduza izimbangi zakho ezingaba kude nazo. Uyesaba ukwenqatshwa, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo unqotshwa isifiso esinamandla sokuba nomuntu omthandayo.
7. Ukuzizwa ungenakuzisiza
Mhlawumbe ngesinye isikhathi imizwa yakho enamandla iyothathelwa indawo umuzwa wokungabi nakuzisiza ngokuphelele. Ekuqaleni ungase uphelelwe ithemba, kodwa kancane kancane izifiso ezicindezelayo zizoqala ukubuthakathaka, futhi wena ngokwakho uzomangala ukuthi uziphathe ngendlela engenangqondo.
Cishe usafuna ngempela ukwakha ubuhlobo nalo muntu, kodwa usuyaqonda ukuthi lokhu akuhloselwe ukwenzeka. Uphinde uthole ikhono lokucabanga ngendlela enengqondo futhi wenze izinto ngendlela efanele.
“Kuyaphawuleka ukuthi nakuba sithandana kaningi nalabo esibathola bekhanga, ubulili budlala indima encane kakhulu lapha,” kuchaza uLucy Brown. - Yebo, sifuna ukwenza uthando nalo muntu, kodwa sifisa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kakhulu. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, sifuna ukushayela, sibhalele futhi sichithe isikhathi nalo muntu.
Mayelana nombhali: ULucy Brown isazi sezinzwa.