Okuqukethwe
- 1. Unamagqubu noma amanxeba engqondo angapholi.
- 2. Namanje awukwazi ukukhuluma nge-ex yakho.
- 3. Ukucabanga nje ukuthi uthandana nothile kukwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile.
- 4. Ucabanga ukuthi senibuyelene.
- 5. Uzizwa unesizungu
- 6. Uhlala ufuna ulwazi mayelana neyangaphambili / yangaphambili
- 7. Ulindele ukuthi i-ex yakho ibe ngendlela obukade uyifuna.
Ngemva kokuhlukana, ngokuvamile kuba nesilingo sokuhlala ningabangane. Kubonakala sengathi indlela enengqondo futhi evuthiwe. Phela wawusondelene kakhulu nalomuntu. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuzama ukwakha ubungane nomuntu owayethandana naye kwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle.
“Ngisho noma ningaba abangane ngemva kokuhlukana (okungeyona eyabo bonke abantu), kungcono kakhulu ukungaxhamazeli,” kusho uSusan J. Elliot, umlobi wencwadi ethi How to Get Over a Breakup. Weluleka ngemva kokuphela kobudlelwane ukuba ame okungenani izinyanga eziyisithupha ngaphambi kokucabanga ngobungane. Ubude balokhu kumiswa buncike kumbhangqwana othize, ubucayi bobudlelwano nezimo zokuhlukana.
“Kumele nihlabe ikhefu ningene endimeni entsha yomuntu okhululekile. Uzodinga isikhathi nebanga ukuze udlule osizini lokuhlukana. Ngisho noma nahlukana ngokuthula, wonke umuntu udinga isikhathi sokubhekana nemizwa yakhe, ”kusho u-Elliot.
Abanye abantu bahle ngokuba abangani ne-ex. Kodwa uma lelo themba lingakukhangi, kulungile futhi. Uma umlingani ekuphatha kabi noma ubuhlobo bungasebenzi, ngakho-ke kungcono ukungazami ukuhlala umngane, ngeke kuphele kunoma yini enhle.
Uma unquma ukuzama ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana, wazi kanjani ukuthi usukulungele lokhu? Nazi izimpawu eziyi-7 ezikhombisa ukuthi kusesekuseni kakhulu ukuthi ungacabanga ngakho.
1. Unamagqubu noma amanxeba engqondo angapholi.
Imiphumela yokuhlukana ayinakunqotshwa ngosuku olulodwa. Kuzothatha isikhathi ukuluqeda lolu sizi. Kubalulekile ukuthi ungacindezeli imizwa, kodwa uzivumele ukuthi uzwe konke: ukudabuka, ukunganeliseki, ukwenqatshwa, ukucasuka. Uma ungakaqondi ngokugcwele imizwa yakho, khona-ke cishe awukakulungeli ukuba umngane nomlingani wangaphambili.
Ungazama ukubhala ijenali ukuze ucacise futhi uveze imicabango nemizwa.
“Ngemva kokuhlukana, kungokwemvelo ukuzwa ubuhlungu, intukuthelo, noma eminye imizwelo enzima. Kodwa awusakwazi ukuxoxa naye, ngoba abukho ubuhlobo bangaphambilini futhi ngeke bube khona, "kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseSan Francisco uKathleen Dahlen de Vos.
Zama ukulungisa imizwa yakho kuqala. “Uma udinga ukusekelwa, udokotela noma umngane othembekile nongakhethi angasiza. Noma, ngokwesibonelo, ungazama ukubhala ijenali ukuze ucacise futhi uveze imicabango nemizwa,” kuncoma yena.
2. Namanje awukwazi ukukhuluma nge-ex yakho.
Uma njalo ukhuluma nge-ex yakho, uqala ukukhuluma yedwa noma uqale ukukhala, lokhu kuwuphawu lokuthi awukakakulungeli ukuba ngabangane.
Mhlawumbe ugwema imizwa nosizi lwakho, noma usacabanga ngaye ngaso sonke isikhathi. Lapho imizwa ebabayo isihlangene ngokugcwele, uzokwazi ukukhuluma ngobuhlobo ngendlela ezolile ngokuphelele. Ngaphambi kokuba ube umngane, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi yiziphi izifundo ozifundile nokuthi imaphi amaphutha owenzile,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseCalifornia uTina Tessina.
3. Ukucabanga nje ukuthi uthandana nothile kukwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile.
Phakathi kwabangane, kuyinto evamile ukuxoxa ngokwenzeka ekuphileni kwawo wonke umuntu, kuhlanganise nempilo yawo siqu. Uma uzizwa ugula lapho ucabanga owayekade eshade naye noma owayeshade naye enomunye umuntu, kungase kuphazamise ubungane beqiniso. “Abangane bayatshelana ukuthi bahlangana nobani. Uma kusebuhlungu ukuzwa ngakho, kuyacaca ukuthi awukakakulungeli lokhu, ”kusho uTina Tessina.
U-De Vos uthembisa ukuthatha isivivinyo esincane. Cabanga ukuthi wena nowayethandana naye nihlezi ekhefi futhi nibona isaziso kufoni yabo sokuthi okufanayo kutholakele kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuthandana. Uzozizwa kanjani? Akukho lutho? Ukucasuka? ukudabuka?
“Abangane bayesekelana ebunzimeni nasezivivinyweni zokuphila. Uma ungakakulungeli ukuthi lowo wangaphambili (wangaphambili) uzokhuluma ngabalingani abasha, kungcono ukuhlehlisa uhambo oluhlangene lokuya ekhefi, "kusho uKathleen Dalen de Vos.
4. Ucabanga ukuthi senibuyelene.
Zibuze ukuthi kungani ufuna ukuba umngane ne-ex yakho. Mhlawumbe ekujuleni kwenhliziyo unethemba lokubuyela ebudlelwaneni? Uma kunjalo, ungazami ukuba abangane okwamanje. Lokhu kungenza kube nzima ukushiya okwedlule esikhathini esedlule bese uqhubekela phambili.
“Cishe akunakwenzeka ukwakha ubungane obunempilo uma unezisusa ezicashile. Uzibeka engcupheni yokuzilimaza kakhulu. Kungcono ucabange ngalokho okushodayo, ukuthi ubudlelwano bothando bunikeze ini, kunokuba ungabushintsha, "kweluleka isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseChicago u-Anna Poss.
UKathleen Dahlen de Vos, naye, ugcizelela ukuthi ukuzama ukuba abangani ngethemba eliyimfihlo lokuthi ngelinye ilanga niphinde nithandane kuwumbono ongenampilo neze. Ucabanga ukuthi: "Uma siqala ukukhuluma futhi futhi siya endaweni ethile ndawonye, uzozisola ngokuhlukana" noma "singavuselela uthando oluphelile." Ngeshwa, cishe amathemba anjalo azoletha ubuhlungu kuphela, ukudumazeka kanye nokucasuka.
5. Uzizwa unesizungu
Uma isizungu sikuhlukumeza ngemva kokuhlukana, ungase ufune ukulondoloza okungenani ukuthintana okuthile—ngisho noma kunobungane nje.
Ngokuvamile, ngemva kokuhlukana, kunesikhathi eseqile, ikakhulukazi uma ubuhlala ndawonye futhi umbuthano wakho wokuxhumana nabantu wawuhlanganisa abangane nezihlobo zomlingani wakho. Manje njengoba unesizungu, ungase ulingeke ukuba uphinde uhlangane naye uzenza ubungane.
Akumele ube umngani no-ex wakho ukuze nje ubheke ukuthi kwenzekani empilweni yakhe.
“Ithuba lokubuyela endleleni yokuphila endala nejwayelekile, kuyilapho nizitshela ukuthi “ningabangane nje” libonakala lilinga kakhulu. Lokhu kuyinduduzo yesikhashana, kodwa kungaholela eqinisweni lokuthi ubudlelwano bothando obuguquguqukayo buqala futhi. Lokhu kugcwele ukungaqondi kahle okukhulu nakakhulu, ukungaqiniseki, kanye nokunganeliseki okujulile ekugcineni, ”kusho u-Zainab Delavalla, udokotela wezengqondo wase-Atlanta.
Kunezinye izindlela zokubhekana nesizungu. Vakashela kabusha izinto zokuzilibazisa zakudala, phuma nomndeni, noma ivolontiya nenhlangano esiza abantulayo.
6. Uhlala ufuna ulwazi mayelana neyangaphambili / yangaphambili
Uma unesidingo esikhulu sokuhlala ubheka i-Instagram yozakwethu wangaphambili (evinjelwe eRussia) ukuze uthole izibuyekezo zokuthi ukuphi nokuthi nobani, awukakalungeli ukuba ngabangane okwamanje.
"Uma ufuna ukwazi imininingwane yempilo ye-ex / ex, kodwa ungakakulungeli ukubuza ngokuqondile, ungase ube nokungqubuzana kwangaphakathi noma awukakakulungeli ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi manje uphila impilo yakhe, ” kusho uKathleen Dalen de Vos.
7. Ulindele ukuthi i-ex yakho ibe ngendlela obukade uyifuna.
Akufanele ube umngane no-ex wakho ukuze nje uhlale ubheka okwenzekayo empilweni yakhe, ngethemba ngasese ukuthi uzoshintsha ngomlingo. Lokhu ukuziphatha okungenampilo nokumosha isikhathi.
“Uma nahlukana ngenxa yokungahambelani kwabalingiswa noma izinkinga ezingathi sína (utshwala, ukukhashelwa, ukugembula), ngeke ube nethemba lokuthi kuzoba nezinguquko ezinkulu. Futhi, ngokuzama ukubuyisela uzakwenu wangaphambili, uphuthelwa ukuhlangana nomunye umuntu, ”kusho uDelavalla.
Umthombo: Huffington Post