Okuqukethwe
Ungathanda futhi uthandwe - futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ungabaze ukuthi silungile yini kule nyunyana. Udokotela wezengqondo womndeni uqambe izimpawu eziyisithupha zobudlelwano bothando obunempilo ukuze siziqonde kangcono thina kanye nozakwethu.
“Uthando luletha ukuhlupheka ngempela”, “uthando lubi”, “uthando luvame ukuphela kabi”, “uthando luphila iminyaka emithathu” … Isiko lethu ligcwele imibono ehlobanisa uthando nokuhlupheka, kanye nenjabulo nokungapheleli.
Nokho, namuhla izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo azijahile ukuvumelana nalokhu. Kunalokho, bazama ukuthola ukuthi indaba yothando kufanele ibe yini, ukuze ingasibhubhisi, kodwa, ngokuphambene nalokho, iletha injabulo nokwaneliseka.
Ochwepheshe abaningi bayavuma ukuthi isisekelo sobuhlobo obunempilo siwukulondeka okungokomzwelo nangokomzimba, ukwethembana, imfudumalo, nokusekelana. Silukhulise lolu hlu lwaba ngamaphuzu ayisithupha, okuphawulwe ngawo isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo somndeni kanye nomelaphi wemibhangqwana ogxile emoyeni uRimma Maksimova.
Ngokuzama lezi zincazelo ngesimo sakho, uzoqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano bamanje bukufanela kanjani, bese unquma ukuthi ungaqhubekela ngakuphi.
1. Uzizwa uphephile
Uzakwethu uyabuhlonipha ubuqotho bakho bomzimba. Umuzwa wokulondeka uyisisekelo sokunamathela okunempilo. Enkampanini yozakwethu, ungalahla imaski ngokuthemba okuphelele futhi ubonise ubungozi bakho. Unomuzwa wokuthi awukhohliswa, awusatshiswa, kunalokho, uyahlonishwa.
Uma nihlangana ngemva kokuhlukana, umuzwa wenu oyinhloko injabulo. Futhi ngokuvamile, phakathi kwemizwa enemibala yokuphila kwakho ndawonye, kukhona injabulo nokuzijabulisa okwengeziwe, nakuba kukhona intukuthelo, ukwesaba, ukudumazeka. Kodwa ungabelana ngale mizwa nophathina wakho futhi ngeke ikusunduzele kude. Ndawonye, ningaqonda ukuthi le mizwa ivelaphi futhi nipholise amanxeba kuyo.
Uma kungenjalo
Mhlawumbe ubuhlobo bakho bungabizwa ngokuthi yi-pathological: kuyingozi kuwe, kodwa awukwazi ukukumisa. Ukushuba kwemizwelo kuvame ukukhombisa ukuxhumana okusondele kakhulu futhi kufihle ukungezwani ebuhlotsheni obuthathwa ngephutha "njengobothando."
Amathiphu
Yazi ukuthi ubuhlobo obunganikezi umuzwa wokulondeka ngeke bukunike esikhathini esizayo. Zama ukuhlonza inzuzo eseceleni ezikulethela yona. Isibonelo, ukukhanya kwemizwa kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kocansi kuminza umuzwa wokungabi nalutho kwangaphakathi. Zama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngezinto ezingaphephile ngawe. Uma engakuzwa, ungangabazi ukucela usizo lukachwepheshe ukuze ubone ukuthi ubudlelwano benu bunekusasa yini.
2. Awukwesabi ukungavumelani
Ungaphikisa umlingani wakho, uveze umbono ohlukile. Awuboni ukuthi kufanele uzibambe, ukuthi udinga ukulinganisa wonke amagama ukuze ungatholi intukuthelo, ulaka noma ukwehla kwezinga ekuphenduleni. Ukholelwa ukuthi ungaxoxisana futhi wonke umuntu uzokwamukelwa futhi alalelwe. Uyazi ukuthi ubudlelwano obuseduze nobufudumele budinga umzamo ofanayo nokuvuleleka, futhi lesi akusona isakhiwo esiqandisiwe, kodwa uhlelo oludinga ukondliwa njalo.
Uma kungenjalo
Mhlawumbe unomlingani wakho ovelele. Akazethembi ngokwanele kuye ngokwakhe, uzama ukuphakamisa ukuzethemba kwakhe ngezindleko zakho ngakho-ke akakubekezeleli noma yikuphi ukuphikisana. Noma indlela yakho yokubonisa ukungaboni ngaso linye iyamlimaza, uyazivikela, futhi kubonakala sengathi awukwazi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile nganoma yini.
Amathiphu
Ngaphambi kokuba usole umlingani wakho ngobushiqela, yenza ukuzihlola. Ukuveza kanjani ukungaboni ngaso linye? Ingabe uyakwazi ukukhuluma ngemizwa, noma uyazivikela emizweni, uhlasele umlingani wakho? Khuluma naye ngendlela okumele ukwazi ukukhuluma ngayo ukuze ubudlelwano buqhubeke. Mhlawumbe lokhu akwanele ukuvikela imingcele yabo. Khona-ke kufanele uzilwele wena nobudlelwano bakho.
3. Awunqunyelwe endimeni evamile.
Ungabonisa zonke izici zobuntu bakho ngaphandle kokuyekethisa uthando lwakho. Lokhu kuvumelana nezimo kukhuluma ngobudlelwano obunempilo. Awuvalelwanga endimeni eyodwa futhi ungalebuli umlingani wakho, wazi ukuthi kuyingozi kangakanani inkohliso yokuthi ufunde omunye ngekhanda. Uzizwa ukhululekile ukushintsha okuthandayo, imibono, imikhuba, futhi unikeza omunye inkululeko efanayo. Ningashintsha ndawonye, nitholana kabusha njalo.
Uma kungenjalo
Ngokuzibophezela endimeni eyodwa, silahlekelwa ukufinyelela engcebweni yobuntu bethu futhi sibambezele ukukhula kobudlelwano. Linganisela ukuthi ingakanani inkinga «impilo ngaphansi kwelebula» ikunikeza. Cabanga ngamalebula owafaka kumlingani wakho. Le midlalo ivame ukudlalwa ndawonye.
Amathiphu
Uma uphelelwa umoya, zibuze ukuthi yini ekhululekile futhi engakhululekile kuwe kulesi simo. Cabanga ngokuthi yimaphi amabhonasi atholwa umlingani wakho kulesi simo, kudala kangakanani futhi ngasiphi isizathu ilebula yanamathela kuwe. Kungani ungagcizeleli ngokuhlekisa lokho «okungaphandle kwebhokisi» ekuziphatheni kwakho?
Zama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho: uzizwa kanjani uma wenza lokhu? Zama ukumuzwa futhi wabelane ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho lapho engakuvumeli ukuba ushiye indima yakho evamile. Unelungelo lokuzivumela izinto ezintsha, ushintshe futhi wenze ngokuhambisana nezifiso nezidingo zakho.
4. Uyalalelwa futhi usekelwe
Lapho uveza umbono wakho noma imizwa yakho, unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho unawe, ukuthi uyakulalela futhi uzama ukuqonda. Imizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kubalulekile kuye. Ungacela futhi uthole ukunakwa nokusekelwa. Awudingi ukukuncenga, umlingani uphendula izicelo zakho, njengoba wenza kweyakhe.
Lesi simo sengqondo sibizwa ngokuthi "ukuqonda inhliziyo." Ngisho noma umlingani engakuqondi ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi yini ekucasulayo, ucasulwa ukuthi ucasukile, futhi kubalulekile kuye ukuthi wabelane naye ngalokhu. Izinkinga zakho zomuntu siqu azihlali zingezakho kuphela, kodwa ziba yinto evamile.
Uma kungenjalo
Mhlawumbe konke kuhamba kahle ebuhlotsheni bakho kuphela lapho «isimo sezulu sasekhaya» sisihle. Kwabanye, lokhu kuhle: abazi ukuthi banganikeza kanjani ukwesekwa, besaba ukwenza iphutha futhi bazwe intukuthelo yomlingani, noma bona ngokwabo banqotshwa imizwa futhi bazame ukubhukuda bebodwa. Kodwa uma omunye wabalingani enganikeli ukunaka nokusekelwa komunye, lokhu kubangela ubuhlungu benhliziyo nakanjani. Uzakwethu wesibili uzizwa engabalulekile futhi engadingeki.
Amathiphu
Okokuqala, chaza ngokucacile izidingo zakho, ngaphandle kokulindela ukuthi umlingani wakho aziqagele. Sicabanga ukuthi umthandi uzofunda imicabango yethu, kodwa lokhu kuyinganekwane. Zizwe ukhululekile ukusho ukuthi ukwesekwa nokunakekelana kwakho kuyisisekelo sobudlelwano. Ungakwazi futhi ukuchaza ukuthi yiluphi uhlobo lokusekelwa oludingayo: ukulalela okulula, isikhuthazo, ukuthola isixazululo, noma okunye.
Uma ngalesi sikhathi umlingani wakho engakwazi ukwanelisa ngokugcwele isidingo sakho, bheka kwenye indawo ukuze uthole ukusekelwa (umndeni, abangani). Khona-ke qiniseka ukuthi ubuyela engxoxweni ngokubaluleka kosizo olunjalo kuwe.
5. Uzimele
Ungakwazi ukuxhumana nabangani nomndeni, ukuhlela izinto, ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zakho uwedwa. Umlingani wakho akabi umzali wakho noma udondolo. Uyazi ukuthi njengoba umlutha ukhula, ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ubudlelwano kuyanda, futhi isidingo sabo sithatha indawo yokuqala ngaphezu kwesifiso. Nokho, ukuzimela akunalo inani eliphelele: ngamunye kumbhangqwana uzimele ukuze ukwazise ukusondelana kakhulu. Umbhangqwana kufanele uthole ibhalansi efanela wonke umuntu.
Uma kungenjalo
Mhlawumbe ukulutheka kwakho kuyinto yesikhashana, noma awukwazi. Mhlawumbe umkhethe ngenxa yokunganeliseki noma ngenxa yokwesaba ukuba wedwa. Kungase futhi kube umphumela wobudlelwane lapho ucindezelwe khona ukuze kube lula ukukuthobisa. Udinga ukuhlola okuhle nokubi kwesikhundla sakho.
Amathiphu
Kala kahle zonke izingozi ukulutheka okuchaya kuzo. Akukhathalekile ukuthi ukulutheka kwezinto ezibonakalayo, kwezezimali noma ngokomzwelo. Ngokuzibuza le mibuzo: "Yini le nkinga engiphuca yona?", "Ngingaphila kanjani ngedwa?", "Kungani ngingakwazi ukukhuluma nomlingani wami ngalokhu?", Ungaqhubeka nokushintsha ubuhlobo uma kudingeka.
6. Uyathuthuka
Ubudlelwano bakho bungamandla akuphushela phambili. Zikuvumela ukuthi uthuthuke futhi uzithole kabusha. Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okunempilo ukuthembela komunye futhi kuyaphilisa ngokwemvelo, ngoba kukuvumela ukuthi unqamule umjikelezo wokuphindaphinda okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu futhi upholise amanye amanxeba adlule. Unomuzwa wokuthi waziswa futhi wamukelwa ngaphandle kokuzama ukwenza kabusha.
Uma kungenjalo
Ungase ubambeke emjikelezweni wobudlelwano ongemuhle noma uhlushwa ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa inani lakho kumuntu omthandayo. Kunoma yikuphi, ukuphoqelelwa, ukwesaba nokuhlupheka kukuphuca injabulo kanye nethuba lokuba uwena ngokuzolile nangokukhululekile.
Amathiphu
Ngokushesha nje lapho uqala ukungazizwa kahle kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho—ngokwesibonelo, ngokuvamile ukuthukuthela noma ukudabuka, ulaka, ukuzivikela, noma ukucasuka—kudingeka uzibuze imibuzo ngemizwa ekwenza uzizwe unolaka noma ungenamandla futhi uhlobo lokunamathiselwe kwakho. Lolu cwaningo ngokuvamile kulula ukwenza ngosizo lochwepheshe.
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula lapha ukuthi akukho lutho olungenakugwemeka othandweni: sivumelana nalokho okwenzeka kithi ngokwethu, ngokuqaphela noma ngokungazi.