Okuqukethwe
Kungase kubonakale sengathi akukho lutho oluyihlazo kulokhu, ngoba ubunzima behlela wonke umuntu. Kodwa lapho kufanele ucele umusa othile, abaningi banamahloni, baqoqa isibindi sabo isikhathi eside futhi bathole amagama ngobunzima. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Ellen Hendriksen sichaza ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka nendlela yokubhekana nokukhathazeka.
Lapho kudingeka usizo, abanesibindi nabazimisele kakhulu phakathi kwethu baziphatha njengezingane ezinamahloni. Siqala ukubhuquza ngendlela engafanele, siza nezaba ezikahle, sibheke izaba, noma sikudonsele ekugcineni. Ekujuleni kwezinhliziyo zabo, wonke umuntu uyavuma ukuthi ukucela usizo kungcono kakhulu kunokuhlushwa, kodwa yeka indlela okunzima ngayo!
Ngokwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Ellen Hendriksen, siphelelwa ukuzethemba futhi singakwazi ukukhuluma ngenxa yokwesaba okuhlanu okuvamile. Futhi kusemandleni ethu ukubhekana nazo, ngakho-ke sifunde ukucela usizo ngaphandle kokulimaza ukuziqhenya kwethu.
1. Ukwesaba ukuba umthwalo
Sikhathazekile kusenesikhathi ukuthi umuntu kuzomele anikele okuthile ngenxa yethu. Lokhu kwesaba kuzibonakalisa emicabangweni efana nokuthi “unezinkathazo ezanele ngaphandle kwami” noma “unezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele azenze.”
Okufanele ngikwenze
Okokuqala, zikhumbuze ukuthi abantu bayakuthanda ukusiza. Lokhu akugcini nje ukuqinisa izibopho zomphakathi, kodwa futhi kunikeza injabulo. I-nucleus accumbens, ingxenye yokuqala yobuchopho, isabela ezenzweni zokuzidela ngendlela efanayo eyenza ucansi nokudla. Ukucela usizo kuzwakala njengesivumelwano sokwamukela isipho futhi kuzomjabulisa ngokuqinisekile umuntu oxhumana naye. Shiya umuntu ukuthi anqume ukuthi umatasa kakhulu ukuthi angafeza isicelo sakho noma cha.
Okwesibili, cabanga ngendlela obungaziphatha ngayo uma, uthi, umngane wakho edinga usizo. Ngokunokwenzeka, ubungazizwa uthopha futhi ngokuzithandela unikeze umusa. Nabanye bazizwa ngendlela efanayo.
Kubalulekile ukucela okuthile okuqondile. Inkulumo ethi “Bengingasebenzisa usizo oluthile” ayicacile futhi ayicacile, kodwa “lezi zidakamizwa zingenza ngifane nolamula okhanyiwe, angikwazi nokwehla ngiye esitolo segrosa” kuzwakala kucacile futhi kucacile. Uma umngane wakho efuna ukubhekana nezinye zezinkinga zakho, thembela kuye. Isho into efana nokuthi, “Siyabonga ngokukukhathaza. Eqinisweni, ngidinga usizo ngempela ngokuwasha - ngemva kokuhlinzwa angikwazi ukuphakamisa izinsimbi. Ungathanda ukungena nini?"
2. Ukwesaba ukuvuma ukuthi isimo asilawuleki
Ikakhulukazi ukwesaba okunjalo kuhlanganisa labo abaphika izinkinga isikhathi eside kakhulu: inhlekelele ebudlelwaneni, umlutha wotshwala, njalonjalo. Sizizwa njengezehluleki futhi sinamahloni ngokuthi ngeke sikwazi ukukwenza ngokwethu.
Okufanele ngikwenze
Yiqiniso, ungakwazi ukulwa ngokwakho, kodwa, maye, naphezu kwayo yonke imizamo, akuyona yonke into futhi hhayi njalo engalawulwa yithi. Njengoba wazi, igagasi alikwazi ukumiswa, kodwa lingagitsheliswa. Futhi okuhle kunakho konke, uma kukhona umngane eduze.
Zama ukuhlukanisa inkinga kuwe futhi uyicabange njengento egqwayizayo. Mdwebe, futhi ngokuphambene nalokho - wena kanye nalowo ozomsiza ukuba anqobe. Kunenkinga, kodwa akuwena noma omunye umuntu. Uma uxoxa ngezixazululo, ungabhekisela enkingeni ngokuthi «it». Ekwelapheni komndeni, le ndlela ibizwa ngokuthi "ibutho elihlangene."
Ingxoxo ingase ihambe kanje: “Isikweletu sekhadi lokuthenga ngesikweleti sidinga ukuvalwa ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka ngaphambi kokuba singene epayipini ekugcineni. Lokhu sekuzophuma ekulawuleni. Ake sicabange ndawonye ukuthi singanciphisa kanjani izindleko."
3. Ukwesaba ukuba nezikweletu
Bambalwa abantu abathanda ukuzizwa bebophekile. Sikholelwa ukuthi kufanele sibuyisele ngenkonzo efanayo, njengokungathi sisizwa izisusa zobugovu kuphela.
Okufanele ngikwenze
Iqembu lezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo eNyuvesi yaseCalifornia lenze ucwaningo mayelana nokubonga nokuzibophezela ebuhlotsheni bomshado. Kuvele ukuthi abashadile ababongayo ngisho nangosizo oluncane (hhayi ngoba kufanele, kodwa ngoba befuna) bajabulele futhi baxabane kancane. “Ngokusobala, ukubonga kuyisihluthulelo somshado ojabulisayo,” kuphetha ababhali.
Okokuqala, cabanga ngokuthi ubani ongathintana naye. Uma wazi ukuthi umuntu akakuthandi ukudlala ngecala futhi uthambekele ekuphathweni kabi, bheka omunye umuntu. Lapho besiza ngesihe futhi bebeka izimo eziningi, kuwumsebenzi. Lapho besiza ngokuzithandela nangaphandle kwemibuzo, lesi yisipho.
Ake sithi isicelo sakho sesifezekile. Miselela umuzwa wokuzibophezela («Ngiyamkweleta!») Umuzwa wokubonga («Uyasabela kakhulu!»). Uma ngesikhathi esifanayo uqonda ukuthi ufuna (futhi akufanele) wenze okuthile okuhle kumuntu, yenza. Kodwa ngokuvamile, ngemva kokusizwa, kwanele nje ukuthi: “Ngiyabonga! Ngikwazisa kakhulu!”
4. Ukwesaba ukubonakala buthakathaka (okumpofu, okungenangqondo, isiphukuphuku ...)
Isikhathi esiningi asiceli usizo ngoba sesaba ukuthi sizocatshangelwa kabi ngathi.
Okufanele ngikwenze
Yethula inkinga yakho njengethuba lokubonisana nochwepheshe, nawe ngokwakho njengengcweti ehlakaniphile edinga amathuluzi athembekile.
Khumbula ukuthi ubani ombheka njengochwepheshe. Mhlawumbe isihlobo sakho sisanda kuhlolwa futhi singakutshela kabanzi nge-mammogram ekuthusa kakhulu. Mhlawumbe ungqondongqondo osemusha ohlala kwamakhelwane angasiza ekuthuthukiseni indawo yakho empofu. Kunoma yikuphi, phatha abantu njengochwepheshe abanolwazi - ngikholelwe, bazojabula.
Ngokwesibonelo: “Ngikhumbula ngesikhathi sokugcina ufuna umsebenzi, wabizelwa izinhlolokhono eziningana ngesikhathi esisodwa. Unesiphiwo nje! Nginenkinga nekhava. Ungakwazi ukubheka imidwebo yami futhi unginikeze iziphakamiso?" Sebenzisa imishwana: “Ungangibonisa?”, “Ungangichaza?”, “Unganginika umbono wakho?”, “Angizange ngikwenze lokhu isikhathi eside kangaka, ungangikhumbuza?”.
5. Ukwesaba ukwaliwa
Bashiswe ngobisi, baphephetha emanzini, akunjalo? Ingabe ukhona owakwala ngenkathi usenkingeni? Uma usakhumbula lokho okungokomfanekiso "amathe ebusweni", akumangazi ukuthi awufuni ukwenza imizamo emisha yokucela usizo.
Okufanele ngikwenze
Okokuqala, zama ukushintsha isimo sakho sengqondo kuleso sifundo esibuhlungu. Sasiyini isizathu sokwenqaba - kuwe noma kwabanye abantu? Ngeshwa, abanye abantu abanalo uzwelo. Abanye bayesaba, "kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani." Abanye bazikhathalela bona kuphela. Ukwaliwa akusho ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngawe. Kungenzeka ukuthi labo obuke wabaphazamisa banezinkinga. Ungadangali. Uma isicelo sinesizathu, omunye umuntu uzosiphendula.
Futhi, ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho udinga usizo, sebenzisa inqubo ye-decatastrophe. Cabanga ukuthi ukwesaba kwagcwaliseka: utshelwe ukuthi "cha". Kubi kangakanani lokho? Ingabe konke kuye kwaba kubi kakhulu? Cishe, «cha» kusho kuphela ukuthi isikhundla sakho ayikashintshi.
Uma usasaba ukwaliwa, kuvume ukuze ungakhathazeki. Noma yimuphi umuntu ohlakaniphile uzosiqonda isimo sakho futhi akuphathe ngozwela. Isibonelo: "Nginamahloni kakhulu, kodwa noma kunjalo - ngingacela umusa?"
Ukucela usizo akulula, kodwa kuyafaneleka. Okubalulekile wukunikela nokukwamukela ngokubonga. Cabanga nge-karma. Cabangela ukukhokha kusengaphambili. Cabanga ukuthi lokhu kungumnikelo kungcebo evamile yokuhle.
Mayelana Nombhali: UDkt. Ellen Hendriksen uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo kanye nelungu lobuhlakani e-Stanford University School of Medicine.