Okuqukethwe
Ngemva kokuhlukana, sinqotshwa ukulangazelela, ukuzisola, umuzwa wesizungu nokuhlukaniswa, ukuhlushwa ubuhlungu obungokwengqondo. Sizama ngamandla ukuthola indlela yokukhohlwa uthando lwakudala bese siqhubekela phambili. Yini evimbela inhliziyo yethu ephukile ukuba zelaphe?
“Sinesidingo esingokwemvelo sokugwema ubuhlungu, ngakho ngokuvamile ingqondo yethu iba nezinkolelo ezithile eziyisivikelo,” kuchaza umqeqeshi wokuphila uCraig Nelson. "Banganciphisa ukuhlupheka esikhathini esinzima kakhulu, kodwa, ngeshwa, bangenza impilo yethu ibe nzima esikhathini esizayo."
Uma uke wahlukana nobudlelwano muva nje, qaphela izindlela zokucabanga ezingenampilo ezingakulimaza kakhulu.
1. Ukugwema
Ungase ube nemicabango enjengokuthi “bonke abantu besilisa/abesifazane bayafana”, “wonke umuntu ofanelekayo usethathiwe”, “bonke badinga into eyodwa kuphela”.
Izinkolelo ezinjalo zikunikeza isizathu sokugwema ukuqomisana ongase ube nabo. Ngokungazi uzama ukuzikhipha engozini yobudlelwano obusha lapho ungaphinde wephuke inhliziyo yakho. Maye, umphumela uba ukuhlukaniswa nesizungu.
2. Ukuzigxeka
Elinye iphutha eliyingozi ukuqala ukuzikhohlisa. Uzama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano buhlakazekile, uzibophezele ngokugcwele bese uqala ukubheka amaphutha kuwena okuthiwa aphushele umlingani wakho kude nawe. Ngale ndlela ululaza ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzethemba kwakho.
Uma ukwazi ukugwema ukuzisola ngokungafanele, uzoba nethuba lokuhlola ngokucophelela ubudlelwano obuphelile futhi ufunde izifundo ezibalulekile kuwena ezizoba yisisekelo sokukhula nokuthuthuka okuqhubekayo.
Nawa amathiphu amathathu angakusiza ukuthi ushiye okwedlule esikhathini esidlule futhi uqhubeke.
1. Ungakhohlwa ukuthi kungani nahlukana
Yenza uhlu lwakho konke ukushiyeka kowayekade ekhona. Chaza konke ongakuthandanga ngaye: imikhuba, imikhuba, ukuphathwa ngendlela engafanele, nokunye.
Gxila ezicini ezingezinhle zobudlelwano bakho. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ungangeni ogibeni futhi uqale ukuzizwa ungenangqondo mayelana "nothando olulahlekile".
2. Yenza uhlu lwamandla akho
Uma usazabalaza futhi ulwela ukuqeda ukuhlukana, cela abangani abaseduze nomndeni ukuba babhale lokho abacabanga ukuthi izimfanelo zakho ezinhle kakhulu.
Akufanele ucabange ukuthi bazoqamba amanga obala futhi bakuthophe ngethemba lokwenza okuthile okujabulisayo. Ubungeke ukwenze lokho, akunjalo? Ngakho bathathe ngokungathi sína.
3. Ungazisoli ngokwenzekile
“Awekho amaphutha. Yebo, uzwe kahle. Kubheke ngale ndlela: “iphutha” liwukuhlangenwe nakho kwakho ekuphileni okukusiza ukuba ukhumbule ukuthi ungubani ngempela,” kusho uCraig Nelson.
Manje, ngemva kokuhlukana, unethuba lokuziqonda ngempela futhi uqinise ukuzethemba kwakho. Chitha isikhathi esiningi uzithuthukisa. Mhlawumbe uzilahlekele ebudlelwaneni, yingakho buhlukana.
“Khumbula ukuthi othandweni ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu. Okwamanje, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ufunde ukuzithanda ngokweqiniso. Yebo, ukululama ekulahlekelweni kunzima, kodwa ubuhlungu buzodlula, futhi uzokwazi ukuqala ubuhlobo obusha, obunempilo nobujabulisayo, ”uqinisekile uNelson.
Mayelana nombhali: U-Craig Nelson ungumqeqeshi wempilo.