Okuqukethwe
Lapho ubuhlobo buphela, abalingani baba nobuhlungu obungokomzwelo kangangokuthi ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala kungenakwenzeka ukunciphisa ukuhlupheka. Nokho, kunezindlela zokuhlukana ngendlela enhle futhi ngaphandle kokucasukelana.
Kukhona into enjalo "yokuxhumana nokulandelela uzakwethu ngemuva kokuphela kwenoveli." Kwavela ukuthi ngemva kokuhlukana okubi, abathandi bangaphambili baqapha impilo yomunye nomunye, bathintana njalo futhi baxhumane, ngaleyo ndlela bavimbele ukwakha ubuhlobo obusha. Ungabuqeda kanjani-ke ubuhlobo? Futhi ungabaqeda kanjani ngokuhlupheka okuncane?
Ezimweni eziningi, bobabili abathintekayo bayahlupheka ngesikhathi sokuhlukana. Umqali wegebe angase ahlushwe yicala. Olahliwe uzizwa ecasukile noma ephelelwa ithemba, ngisho noma engavumi. Abaningi bahlushwa imibuzo: “Ngone ngani? Kuthiwani uma ngiziphatha ngendlela ehlukile? Ukuskrola njalo ekhanda lezimo ezahlukene kuholela ekugcineni futhi akusizi ukusinda ngokushesha okwenzekile.
Ukucindezeleka kokuhlukana okuzayo ngokuvamile kwenza kube nzima ukuthola indlela efanele yokuphuma kulesi simo.
Abaningi bafuna ukwenza konke ngokushesha futhi bamemezele isinqumo sabo ngokuzumayo, ngaphandle kokulungiselela. Bafuna ngempela "ukudabula i-band-aid" enxebeni. Ingabe uzolulama ngokushesha ngale ndlela? Eqinisweni, lokhu kuholela kuphela ekwakhiweni kwezibazi ezizovimbela bobabili abalingani ekunqumeni ubuhlobo obusha.
Abanye abantu bavele banyamalale kube kanye ngaphandle kwencazelo. Le ndlela ibonakala ilungile uma abalingani bengaboshiwe ngomshado noma izibopho zezimali. Nokho, kungase futhi kubangele izinkinga zokwethembeka esikhathini esizayo.
Ukusondelana kweqiniso kusho ikhono lokuxhumana ngokuyimfihlo nokhethiwe. Ngakho-ke, kuwukuhlakanipha ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho futhi uvume ukuthi ubuhlobo benu sebudlulile isikhathi sokusebenziseka kwabo noma buya ekupheleni okunengqondo. Sitshele ukuthi yini ekwenza uzizwe ungajabule nokuthi yini eshintshile empilweni yakho kusukela esikhathini se-«candy-bouquet». Lokhu kuzosiza wena nomlingani wakho ebudlelwaneni obulandelayo ukugwema amaphutha angajabulisi. Kodwa zama ukungabeki icala ngokuhlukana kuwe noma kumlingani wakho.
USolwazi Charlene Belou waseNyuvesi yaseNew Brunswick wenze ucwaningo olujabulisayo ngomthelela wokuhlukana okubuhlungu empilweni yakamuva. Wacela abafundi abangu-271 (amantombazane amabili kwezintathu, izinsizwa eziyingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu) ukuba bachaze ukuhlukana kwabo okuhlazisa kakhulu nobuhlobo bamanje nalo muntu. Imiphumela yocwaningo yenze kwaba nokwenzeka ukwakha izeluleko zalabo abanqume ukushiya abalingani babo.
Izindlela ezi-5 ezimbi zokuqeda ubudlelwano. Yini okungafanele yenziwe?
1. Inyamalale
Kuwumqondo omubi ukuhamba ngesiNgisi ngaphandle kokuvalelisa noma ukuchaza lutho. Igebe elinjalo lishiya umuzwa wokungaqiniseki. Hlonipha imizwa yomuntu omthandayo, uma kuphela ngenxa yokubonga ngakho konke esikuthole ndawonye.
2. Zisole
Kunabantu ababili abathintekayo ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, kuwubuwula futhi akulungile ukuzibeka icala ngakho konke. Ekuqaleni, kuzwakala kungamanga, njengokuthi ufuna nje ukuqeda ngokushesha. Okwesibili, umlingani ngeke asebenze emaphutheni futhi ngeke ashintshe ukuziphatha kwakhe encwadini elandelayo.
3. Sola umlingani wakho
Uma usho inqwaba yezinto ezimbi lapho nihlukana, khona-ke uzodala izinkimbinkimbi eziningi kumuntu. Akufanele futhi ukhononde ngowake wakhethwa kubangani abahlanganyeli. Lokhu kubeka bobabili kanye nawe esimweni esingesihle. Ungabaphoqi ukuthi bathathe uhlangothi.
4. Xosha
Ukungena empilweni yomlingani wangaphambili ngemuva kokuphela kobudlelwane kukuvimbela kuphela ukuthi uqhubeke. Ngakho-ke zama ukungayi ekhasini lakhe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana futhi ungatholi izindaba ezivela kubangani abahlanganyeli. Futhi khumbula ukuthi ukushayela ebusuku ngemva kwezibuko ezimbalwa ukuze "ukhulume ngenhliziyo nenhliziyo" akwenzanga muntu ukuba ajabule. Ukuvela njalo empilweni yomlingani wangaphambili, kodwa engafuni ukuba naye, kuwubugovu ngokweqile.
5. Cabanga ngokuthi “kungaba njani ukube angizange…”
Akulungile ukucabanga ukuthi uma uziphatha ngendlela ehlukile kulesi simo noma kuleso simo, ngabe nindawonye manje. Iphutha elilodwa alivamisile ukuholela ekwehlukaneni. Okuhlukile mhlawumbe isimo sokuvukela umbuso.
Izinyathelo ezi-5 zokukusiza ukuthi nihlukane ngokuhlalisana kahle
1. Lungisa umhlabathi
Okuhlangenwe nakho kwama-psychoanalyst kufakazela ukuthi isici sokumangala senza ukuhlukana kube buhlungu kakhulu. Nobabili wena nomlingani wakho nizodinga isikhathi sokulungiselela ushintsho.
2. Hlukanisa icala phakathi
Tshela ukuthi yini ekuziphatheni komlingani wakho okuholele esiphethweni esinjalo, kodwa ungakhohlwa ukusho amaphutha akho.
3. Gcina isithunzi sakho
Ungawashi ilineni elingcolile esidlangalaleni futhi ungatsheli wonke umuntu ngokulandelana ngemikhuba emibi yomlingani wangaphambili kanye nezinye izikhathi zomuntu siqu.
4. Beka Imingcele Yezokuxhumana
Vumelanani ukuthi nifuna ukuhlala ningabangane, yiyani emicimbini yosuku lokuzalwa lomunye noma nisize ngezinkinga ezithile zasekhaya. Uma unempahla ehlanganyelwe, nakanjani kuzodingeka uthinte ukuze uyihlukanise.
5. Lalela ukuze uthole okungcono kakhulu
Akukho lutho empilweni olunganakwa. Cabanga ngalokho ongakufunda kokwenzekile futhi ubonge umlingani wakho ngazo zonke izikhathi ezijabulisayo obunazo.
Mayelana nombhali: USusan Krauss Whitborn unguprofesa wezengqondo eNyuvesi yaseMassachusetts Amherst.