Okuqukethwe
Ngisho nalabo abagxeka abantu abake baqola umlingani wabo kungenzeka ngelinye ilanga babe phakathi kwabo. Ukuvumela ukunqotshwa isilingo kuwubuthakathaka obungokwemvelo bomuntu, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMark White, kodwa kungafundwa futhi kufanele kufundwe ukuze sikunqobe.
Namuhla ungathola izihloko nezincwadi eziningi ezikhuluma ngokuthuthukisa ukuzithiba, ukuqeqesha amandla kanye nokulwa nokuhlehlisa. Lezi zincwadi zingasiza futhi uma uqonda ukuthi ucabanga ukukopela othandekayo wakho. Nawa amathiphu amane angakusiza ukuthi ulwe nesilingo futhi wehlise ingcuphe yokuthi wenze ukuxhamazela.
1. Zama ukubambelela
Lesi iseluleko esingemnandi neze futhi singase sibonakale singenangqondo. Kodwa ngokuvamile siwathatha kancane amandla okuzimisela. Yiqiniso, izinsiza zakhe azinamkhawulo, futhi esimweni sokucindezeleka kwengqondo noma ngokomzimba, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukuzilawula. Nokho, ezimweni eziningi amandla okuzimisela anele.
2. Gwema isilingo
Kubonakala sengathi kusobala kakhulu, kodwa yingakho leli su kulula ukunganakwa. Kodwa cabanga ngalokhu: izidakwa ziyazigwema izindawo zokuphuza utshwala, futhi abadayisi abayi ezitolo zikaswidi—bayazi ukuthi ukubhekana ngqo nomthombo wesilingo kumane kwenezela ekucindezelekeni kwezinsiza ezivele zilinganiselwe.
Uma uvumela isilingo kanye, kuzoba nzima ukumelana nesilandelayo.
Uma kukhulunywa ngokuphinga, umthombo wesilingo ngumuntu oyedwa, ngaphandle uma ungusaziwayo ohlale ezungezwe abantu ababathandayo. Ngokweqile, umuntu oyedwa kulula ukugwema, kodwa ekusebenzeni kuvela ukuthi unguzakwethu, umakhelwane noma umngane - umuntu ohlala ekhona ekuphileni. Zama ukumgwema, hlala kude futhi ungabi wedwa. Ungazikhohlisi ngokucabanga ukuthi ukuhlangana njalo kuyokusiza ekudambiseni imizwa. Isu lokugwema lisebenza uma uthembekile kuwena.
3. Qaphela imiphumela yesikhathi eside
Ngokuvamile abantu bacabanga ukuthi uma ungakwazi ukukhubeka. Leli iqhinga lokuqaphela, indlela yokulungisa nokuthethelela ubuthakathaka besikhashana. Eqinisweni, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, ikakhulukazi uGeorge Ainsley, ziye zafakazela ukuthi uma unqotshwa isilingo kanye, kuyoba nzima ukumelana nokulandelayo.
Ungaphinda udwebe ukufana nokudla. Akunakwenzeka ukuthi uzozivumela kakhulu uma uqonda ukuthi omunye uzolandela ikhekhe lokuqala. Uma uhlola ngokucophelela imiphumela kusukela ekuqaleni, maningi amathuba okuthi ukwazi ukuzidonsa ndawonye ngesikhathi.
Khumbula imiphumela yesikhathi eside yokukopela: umonakalo okuzowenza kumlingani wakho nasebudlelwaneni bakho, kanye nezingane onazo nongase ube nazo, kuhlanganisa ngenxa yokujola ngaphandle komshado.
4. Khuluma ngokukhululekile nophathina wakho
Lokhu kungase kube isu elinzima kakhulu, kodwa futhi elinempilo kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Akulula ukuvuma kumlingani ofuna ukumshintsha. Kodwa-ke, ukubanda kwakho nokuthula ngeke kubonakale, futhi amalungu omndeni azozama ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekeni nokuthi yini iphutha labo.
Lena ingxoxo ebuhlungu, kodwa kunethemba lokuthi oxoxisana naye uzobonga ngokuzimisela ukumethemba esikhundleni sokwenza isenzo esingenakulungiseka ebuhlotsheni.
Kungokwemvelo ngomuntu ukuba buthakathaka lapho ebhekene nesilingo. Kodwa ukumelana nesilingo kuwuphawu lokuthi ungakwazi ukuziphendulela wena nomlingani wakho.
Mayelana nombhali: UMark White uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo eStaten Island College eNew York.